a jaded viewer reviews the world of horror, splatter, gore, cult, grindhouse, trash, b-movie, erotica, indie, asian and exploitation films
Friday, September 05, 2008
Sukeban Boy (Trailer)
Bless all that is Japanese cinema! From Noburu Iguchi, director of the infamous the Machine Girl comes Oira sukeban aka Sukeban Boy.
Holy fuckin cow. This movie is totally off the wall, wacky, absurd and giga-wattagely powered.
Read the plot below and let me know if you can make heads or tails or whatever out of it.
Sukeban has a problem. This foulmouthed, hard-fighting son of a biker, has been cursed with the looks of a pop princess. The looks lead to teasing, the teasing leads to fighting, The fighting leads to expulsions. Expulsions from every boy's high school in the region. What's a biker who's nurturing conflicted feelings for his gender-confused child to do in such a situation? Simple! Dress the boy up as a girl and enroll him in an all-girls high school. But girls' schools are strange, disturbing places and, within a day of arriving, Sukeban has been signed up for humiliation classes and forced to do battle with the various school gangs: the Pantyhose Club, the No Bra Club, and of course, the Full Frontal League.
I love the fact the the Japanese AV women can be in these wacky films showing us their "ass" ets.
OK now for the good shit. I will probably never get my hands on a copy of this flick, so thankfully some fellow jaded viewers have put almost the entire film on YouTube.
Now we can all watch (because really, who wants to watch an entire 60 minute flick right?)
First check out the trailer.
Now check out the opening scene (vomitly delicious!)
Now check out the pantyhose gang (i love those initiations!)
It's a can can dance kick!!!
An ass in the face never gets old!
The gangs face off!
It's the final face off!!! (with continuous titty punches for 5 straight minutes!)
I'm a big Jenna Malone fan. Let's get out of the way first. She was awesome in Donnie Darko, Saved and here in the Ruins.
But alas, the Ruins is well another horror movie that will be placed in the used DVD bin soon enough.
It wasn't great, it wasn't bad. It just was.
Was what you may be asking?
It's another movie where white American tourists make trouble for the indigenous local inhabitants and get themselves killed.
Fuckin white teenagers always get into shenanigans and go where they're not suppose to.
Local guy says: "Don't go to the secluded beach" White kids go to the beach......and die.
Local guy says: "Don't go to abandoned house" White kids go to the abandoned house.....and die.
Local guy says: "Don't go to the ancient Mayan ruins" White kids go to the ruins......and die.
Fuck em. They got what they deserved right? They never fuckin listen.
But as I kept watching, I gotta admit that from the trailer you'd think the movie is about a cursed Mayan pyramid or killer trees or plants but actually its about putting a couple of white American tourists in an impossible scenario and seeing how they'd react.
It's like watching mice in a maze. And that's why it's worth the watch.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
A group of friends whose leisurely Mexican holiday takes a turn for the worse when they, along with a fellow tourist embark on a remote archaeological dig in the jungle, where something evil lives among the ruins.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Let's just start by saying that Jena Malone in a bikini may have been worth the price of admission or rental or torrent download (whichever method you prefer). She plays Amy, the resident Jennifer Love Hewitt of the 4 Spring Breakers. She and her best friend Stacey (Laura Ramsey) with their boyfriends Jeff (Jonathan Tucker) and Eric (Shawn Ashmore) are in Mexico doing the MTV spring break thing.
They meet a German tourist Mathias (Joe Anderson) who tells them about some ancient ruins. Of course they go down the non touristy path and end up at the ruins where the local Mayan community aint thrilled with seeing them.
Like Manifest Destiny, they go and explore the ruins. Little do they know that when they have contact with the plants, it "infects" you. You'd think the Mayans would post a sign in Spanish and shit.
The locals force our turistas to stay on the temple, threatening to kill them if they do. So we get our plant vs man encounters. National Geographic never had an episode about this. These fuckin plants are nuts. They can mimic ringtones, voices and even sex!
Did Apple or Microsoft grow these things?
Soon its gets all horrificly bad, you'd hope they had a weed wacker or some shit. Some 2 unscheduled surgeries occur. A leg amputation will make gore hounds rejoice and some tape-worm-ish plant wiggles are kinda icky.
Ending (seems there are 2 alternates on the DVD) is a bit cliched but how could you really end a movie about killer plants?
The Ruins is 90 minutes that are paced well. Lots of downtime with some mindless talking but the uptime is where it's at.
At times you can try to empathize with the characters and it's psychologically exhausting. Would you wait for help or concieve a plan and execute it. If some freakin plant virus was mutating in you, would you wait to die or go all suicidal?
The movie raises some intriguing questions and that's where the true horror comes in. Not the fucked up Windows plants or the hostile tribe, but the decisions we make for our own survival.
But alas, as I said before, these American "The Hills-like" teenagers got what they deserved for not listening. They should have been shopping at Hollister and Pacific Sunwear, but instead they got massacred by some vines.
Plants 1 Dumb American white teenagers 0
Yay plants.
Influences Turistas The Happening Little Shop of Horrors I Know What You Did Last Summer 2
Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)
Gunshot to the head Leg amputation plus soldering Bone smashing Knife surgery Dead bodies Knife to the heart Arrow trauma Child trauma Plant infection in body trauma
Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)
Jena Malone's bikini Laura Ramsey's boobies and ass
WTF moment Did I not just say the plants can mimic ringtones, voices and even sex!
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Is the Ruins worth the time and effort? Yeah I'd think so. I wasn't bored and it goes by pretty quickly. Jena Malone and the cast give good performances. And it's got some decent moments that got the horror juices flowing. But even after watching mice do experiments, you get bored. And that's when you check to see what else is in the used horror DVD bin.
Based on an Imperium Comics series, Trailer Park of Terror seems to hit all the right horror chords. Hot lead babe, rednecks, redneck demons and a busload of dysfunctional youth to kill.
It's an attempt at the horror-omedy though I'm skeptical this will work.
Gallowwalker is speculated to be Wesley Snipes return to a theatrical release-hood. So if Snipes can do it, why can't JCVD?
I mean Snipes was indicted for tax invasion and he gets the Hollywood greenlight? Has JCVD ever been arrested for a crime? (Oh yeah.... drugs, girl trouble and he got sued by the real Frank Dux)
Well I gotta admit, Gallowwalker looks Paul W.S. Anderson-ish and has a slight video gamey effect but the premise has got me stoked.
A gunman knows too well the ways of vengeance. Fast and furious, he has killed every man who crossed him. But his gift with a gun comes with a curse. All those who die by his hand will return. Enter the world of gallowwalker, where vengeance lives forever.
Live by the gun. Die by the gun. Come back for more...
Western zombie gun slinging goodness or straight to DVD Uwe Boll garbage?
Bless all that is Japanese cinema! From Noburu Iguchi, director of the infamous the Machine Girl comes Oira sukeban aka Sukeban Boy.
