the jaded viewer

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

The House of the Devil (Review)

The House of the Devil

The House of the Devil (2009)

Directed by Ti West

It's very odd that this decade, the 2000s have all been a haven for the throwback, remake or homage movie. We get sentimental for different decades, the 70s and 80s we deem as the golden age sometimes. This very much is the case within horror.

I am not a child of the 70s, but I did watch the cinema of the time. When I first got into horror, I figured I should self-educate and watch the best of the best. The Exorcist, Rosemary's Baby, The Omen, etc. And after watching all these movies, I never knew why people were so obsessed with the occult and the Satanic worship at the time.

But Ti West wants you to get reacquainted with that devil fear all over again. With The House of the Devil, he basically takes that slow burn, jump scare and evil Satanic worshipping frozen dinner and reheats it for you, complete with the side of gory red pudding. West does nothing new to this genre of film, but instead adds some gorehound delights and nostalgic 80s soundtrack to complete a good homage, nothing more and nothing less.

The House of the Devil is a throwback glimpse into a plodding pace that is all atmosphere based which eventually leads to an over the top, metal music cacophony of chaos ending. If you you remember these movies fondly, you'll love this movie. If you're a tween or were born in the 90s, this is a movie where may you spontaneously develop ADD.

I found myself caught in the middle. And I'll tell you why.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

In the 1980s, college student Samantha Hughes takes a strange babysitting job that coincides with a full lunar eclipse. She slowly realizes her clients harbor a terrifying secret; they plan to use her in a satanic ritual.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Let's just start off with what I liked. I loved the vintage 80s opening credits, from the fonts to the freeze frame credit sequences. West spares no expense to get you back into acid washed jeans and Charlie's Angels hair. The soundtrack keeps this going with very montagey music that blends into the film. As Sam blasts her oversized Walkman, we hear music from new wave to metal (thank the Gods of Fire for that). Later, we even get a gratuitous 80s montage set to "One Thing Leads to Another" by The Fixx. It's all these things that gave me a happy because nostalgia is an intoxicating drug for any movie fan.

Here is where we go grey. Sam (Jocelin Donahue) is that everyday poor, struggling college student. She's got a horny, slobby roommate which is the reason she decides to move off campus. She soon takes a babysitting job located in backwoods, USA and she and her friend Megan are off to meet the lovely but ultimately evil Mr. and Mrs. Ulman.

Act 1 is all set up as we play meet and greet with our heroine Sam. Donahue looks like a cloned Danielle Harris. West allows us to see her uninteresting life in the most aggravating of ways. Scenes of watching Sam walk from place to place, with juxtaposition closeup shots of a clock tower followed by more long walks and scary payphones. I have totally forgotten how yawny boring these long shots and scenes of nothing can be. (Can somebody tell me if this is how these 70s/80s Satanic movies were filmed back then? I honestly don't remember. But I get the feeling West makes sure we get the same feel as those movies. The mega slow burn is in effect. You better drink a Red Bull.)

Act 2 begins when Sam decides to take the babysitting job which turns out to be not a babysitting job. Mr Ulman (Tom Noonan, who does a decent job as the creepy undertaker-like guy) explains the rules and coerces her with more money.

We the viewer get painstakingly a collection of scenes of Sam snooping all over the house. Some scenes (especially shots of her through a window are glorious throwaway shots of old). But more so, we get Sam being scared of her friend's answering machine (complete with that 80s pretend voice message), Sam scared of the pizza guy, Sam scared of the bathroom, Sam scared of the creepy attic. West spares no expense who amp up the bass to get you to jump out of your seat. Think of the "Don't!" trailer and this sums up Act 2.

Check out an example of the slow burn suspense in this clip below.

Act 3 which takes about an hour and 10 minutes to get to is filled with bloody uber chaos. Motive is explained by our diabolical couple and their homicidal son tries to go, well homicidal on Sam. Satanic rituals are in effect with that Satanic star, that Satanic animal skull and that Satanic blood drinking and human sacrifices. In all these movies, they end one of two ways. Somebody gets shot or jumps off the roof of the house.

Like I said before, West throws in more gore and splatter than these movies usually have. Gore-ipedia includes a very stellar gunshot to the face, ocular trauma, sliced throats and a headshot. It's top notch FX and I couldn't help but applaud the effort.

However, at the end of the day the movie is a wicked slow slow slow burn. It takes so long to get to the nitty gritty that no Red Bulls were helping to keep me awake. I understand it's suppose to be this way but Satanic and occult movies are my weakest link within horror and I'll admit, I do not like style over substance. The House of the Devil is filled with these cliches of BOO! scares and unseen carnage. Though as an older horror fan, I am not easily scared as I use to be and as the jaded viewer, I demand to see something substantial and not the repackaged same old same old.

That's not to say the film isn't effective in what it was trying to do. Kudos to West and the entire cast for pulling off an impressive homage to the girl meets devil genre. It's brilliant in bringing back that longing for a movie you'd see at 2am on Channel 11 (WPIX in NYC).

So with that, it's a touch of grey for The House of the Devil. It's got its moments and it's got its long moments. Like a magic eye painting, you'll be waiting for the blurry mess of color to turn into a sailboat. Some people will focus and see the sailboat. Others, like myself wait for hours for that damn sailboat. Hell, sometimes you don't see a sailboat at all.

Nude-ipedia

Nada. These aren't the droids you're looking for.

WTF moment

Gunshot to the face. Didn't see that coming.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Going back on the metaphor I mentioned before, The House of the Devil is a reheated frozen dinner. You've eaten it before and it pretty much tastes the same. But sometimes, if you haven't had that same meal in a while, it tastes a little better. Right? Know what I mean?

The House of the Devil comes out on October 30th in a limited release. You can actually watch it on Amazon.com Video In Demand right now.

This is Ti West's 4th film.

Rating:

Check out the trailer.

Labels: 80s horror, 80s slasher horror, devil worshipping, occult, satanic horror movies, the house of the devil, the house of the devil review, the roost

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Friday, December 26, 2008

Return to Sleepaway Camp (Review)

Return to Sleepaway Camp

Return to Sleepaway Camp (2008)

Directed by Robert Hiltzik

How do you create a sequel to a 80s slasher movie that actually sucked but is only remembered because of the ending?

You know the one. The one with the girl penis and the gratuitous green tint.

You create a horror time warp slasher flick with cheese. That's the best way to describe Return to Sleepaway Camp.

It's a 21 st century Sleepaway but done in a throwback 80s sorta way. We are seeing grindhouse flicks being remade for millenials. Think of this as a 80s slasher flick for Gen Xers who remember Angela and her penis. But somehow it also wants the love of the horror remake Gen Y millenial fans.

Wow tall fuckin order.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

It's summer camp as usual at Camp Manabe where the kids torment each other for fun while the underpaid camp staff provides as little supervision as possible. Greedy camp owner Frank and junior partner Ronnie do their best to keep everyone in line, but something sinister is about to put a slash in the roster.

When campers and staff mysteriously begin disappearing and turning into gruesome corpses, paranoid Ronnie can't shake the memory of a series of grisly murders that took place at Camp Arawak, where he worked two decades earlier. Has a ghost from the past come back to haunt him?

As the paranoia worsens, Ronnie's list of possible killers starts growing just like the body count. Everyone becomes a suspect from vicious kids to shady members of the camp staff, and even former Camp Arawak camper Ricky who mysteriously works nearby.

Who is knocking off these victims and why? Only one thing is for certain, something is carving a bloody new trail at Sleepaway Camp where kids can be so mean and surviving this summer is gonna be a real killer!

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Let's make this review simple.

Does the cruel acts perpetrated on our picked on, fat ass, nerdy, smelly victim Ronnie justify each of the corresponding, overelaborate, CGI a plenty kill scenes?

Ronnie is our poor victim. He's picked on by almost everybody. The camp staff, counselors and of course the campers.

Let's go examine this carefully shall we? (this is no particular order and with my bad one line quips)

Cruelaity #1

Alan (a staff member) ridicules and belittles Ronnie at every moment.

The Comeback Kill

Alan becomes the unfortunate victim of penis fishing as his wanker is ripped off by some fishing line attached to a jeep. (that's gonna be some bait!)

Cruelaity #2

Bella (a fat Queen Latifah camper) spitballs, makes fun of and teases Ronnie.

The Comeback Kill

She gets holey as she is killed by a bed of nails. (Holey Cow! get it?)

Cruelaity #3

Mickey (the cook) throws eggs at Ronnie.

The Comeback Kill

Mickey gets medievaled and his head is boiled in some cooking oil. (Would you like fries with that?)

Cruelaity #4

Michael (Ronnie's stepbrother) threatens and teases Ronnie and later starts beating the shit out of him with a mallet.

The Comeback Kill

Skinned alive (booyah!)

Cruelaity #6

Weed (the resident stoner) and other campers trick Ronnie into smoking a joint filled with dried cow manure, then proceed to call him Blowjob at every waking moment.

The Comeback Kill

Weed has a hose attached to a gasoline pump and ingests a stomach full of gas then smokes up a joint which flames him alive. (Light it up motherfucker!)

Cruelaity #7

TC (our resident asshole camper) gives Ronnie a wedgie, tricks him to be naked on stage in front of the camp and has the entire boy camp paintball him into oblivion.

The Comeback Kill

TC gets impaled in the eye by a wooden pole (There is no "eye" in team!)

Cruelaity #8

Frank (the new owner) does nothing to stop Ronnie's torment.

The Comeback Kill

Frank has a birdcage locked on his head. The killer open up the bird cage, places 2 rats inside and locks it. The rats then eat through his head and exit through his intestines. (You dirty rat!)

So if thought my puns were bad, this movie is just as bad. But thats the thing. The kills are 80s funny, the teasing and torment are there to justify the stupid kills.

The 80s were filled with really bad slasher flicks, Friday the 13th knockoffs and ridiculous slashers that had way too much time coming up with elaborate death kills. Return to Sleepaway Camp, for all its crapiness, is cheesy enough to honor this 80s slasher knockoff genre.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

See above

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

One blonde girl had big boobies but you see nada

WTF moment

Where is my out of leftfield ending??? Fuckin negative zero.And it wasn't even that subtle.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Felissa Rose makes a sorta cameo. So does Isaac Hayes (in his last movie ever) And original director Hiltzik is back honoring is now infamous classic. As I do own the entire Sleepaway camp series (yes, there was a Part II and III), I'm partial to this sorta cheesiness. I don't know why.

Camp movies fall victim to the colorful teenage stereotypes and like Jason Voorhees, they all have a innocent victim that becomes prey to the cruel kids and their wickedness.

We all can't become unstoppable killing machines like Jason, but we can get get our slashing done in some other way. And that's why this was actually watchable...sorta.

Most people say this flick sucks but does it suck more than let's say when a certain Platinum Dunes company rapes my horror childhood and remakes fuckin everything?

Even my beloved Jason.

At least the original director and cast came back for this one. That may not being saying much, but hey, it's the effort that counts.

Rating:

The Trailer

Tags:
return to sleepaway camp, return to sleepaway camp trailer , sleepaway camp , felissa rose, camp slasher film, sleepaway camp ending, return to sleepaway camp review/span>

Labels: 80s slasher horror, felissa rose, return to sleepaway camp, return to sleepaway camp review, return to sleepaway camp trailer, slasher films, sleepaway camp, sleepaway camp ending

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Wednesday, November 26, 2008

Happy Thanksgiving! (from the jaded viewer)

Well I'll be on hiatus for the Thanksgiving break. I need some freakin rest anyway. But I figured I'd take this opportunity to give thanks to everybody whose been coming to the site and leaving comments and reading my AWESOME reviews.

(OK OK, Sorry, I've been drinking too much obnoxious juice)

In any case, the site's been a great opportunity to link up with some fellow horror-ites, converse with people on a variety of common interests and promote some super duper good shit that people might have otherwise not known of.

And I just like writing reviews that will make people laugh.

So if you got a good chuckle out of anything I've written, then that's thanks enough.

(but leaving a comment wouldn't hurt too right?)

Happy Thanksgiving!

(And yes, I know every other horror site is going to put this brilliant Eli Roth trailer up like I did)

Labels: 80s slasher horror, eli roth, grindhouse, happy thanksgiving, horror blog, thanksgiving trailer, the jaded viewer

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Monday, October 27, 2008

Rewind: Truth or Dare? A Critical Madness (Trailer and Short)

We at the jaded viewer love the old 80s slasher horror of old. Remember all the old VHS boxes at your local mom and pop video stores? That's all you had to go by back then when you were in the mood for horror.

It's how I watched some of the classic 80s slasher flicks. Fuck, I didn't know what was good.
Cover art, a vague description on the back with a few photos and a killer tagline.

If all of those looked awesome, I rented it.

I'm now probably scarred by watching all this horror (all underage of course) but when I see a 80s horror film dug up on YouTube, I get all nostalgy.

Truth or Dare? A Critical Madness is the film that started the direct to video horror market.

Directed by low budget maestro Tim Ritter, it's so fuckin goofy, over the top gory and outright outrageous, it's everything a 12 year old horror kid wanted.

Let's remember the good ole times shall we? The trailer is below.