the jaded viewer

JCVD

JCVD (2008)

Directed by Mabrouk El Mechri

"Those who never make it are not aware"

-JCVD

Oh how do I begin my review of JCVD. Oh screw it. I loved this film from beginning to end. And I'm not just saying that because we here at the jaded viewer are big fuckin JCVD fans.

To get a full appreciation of JCVD one has to know the panorama that is Van Damme's career. Insano Steve and I are mother fuckin experts when it comes to this as we've seen every one of his movies.

Let me say that again so you all can understand the rarity of such a thing.

WE'VE SEEN EVERY JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME MOVIE EVER MADE.

This includes the JCVD golden era (Bloodsport, Kickboxer, Lionheart, Universal Soldier etc), the JCVD Silver era (Hard Target, Time Cop, Sudden Death) and the JCVD Bronze era (The Quest, Maximum Risk, US: The Return). Of course, there is the JCVD Bargain Bin era (his straight to DVD made in Bulgaria, character action flicks which include Replicant, In Hell, Second in Command, etc.)

So experts would be us. I mean we even established a JCVD spinkick rating system.

So believe me when I say that we can safely put JCVD into the pantheon that is the golden era. It's got a docu feel filled with more or less some truthiness. If you could make a pseudo memoir into a movie, this would be it. Add the fact it's freakin funny as hell and has some genuine emotion from Van Damme, you've got Van Damme's first character driven flick he's ever made.

And I gotta admit, Van Damme plays himself perfectly.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Between his tax problems and his legal battle with his wife for the custody of his daughter, these are hard times for the action movie star. In JCVD, Jean-Claude Van Damme returns to the country of his birth but finds himself in the middle of a robbery gone awry.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

From the opening scene of a one take action scene taking place in a nameless war zone, I was getting my spinkick on. JCVD was kicking the crap out of baddies, shooting them out of the sky and saving the damsel in distress.

Ahh the action hero of all action heroes as we all see him via the cinema. But as we plopped along, we delved into a biopic mode and saw how are former action hero as to cope with the custody of his daughter and make a living as a Bulgarian action star.

The film is told in four non-linear sections showing different persepctives. We see the public’s POV of the events, Van Damme’s POV, and before and after the robbery.

Each little tidbit gives us a glimpse into JCVD, how he's perceived and how he perecives himself.
It's Van Damme's acting (I'm serious!) that can't be ignored. In some sporadic moments, Van Damme's english accent is dominant, but the natural French speaking JCVD portrays himself effortlessly (hey why don't you try acting as a hyper meta variation of yourself, I think it's fuckin hard).

Each of the section's has highlights that create a complex man, one that even E's A True Hollywood story couldn't do justice.

Public POV

Van Damme's many fans are present as taxi cab drivers, video store clerks, cops and bank robbers are in awe of the man. One improvised scene has JCVD chatting up a taxi cab woman as fan meets superstar. Done so well, so simple, you appreciate a scene where only a few words tell an emotional landscape.

Another scene has a "big" fan have JCVD show off his trademark high leg kick. Every JCVD fan gets it. We get his "stretching" abilities, his kick ass persona, his Hollywood "He brought John Woo to America".

Wink Wink.

In one final climactic scene, we get what we wanted as we see Van Damme kicks ass in front of the crowd. He then proceeds to high five fellow officers and taps his chest in a moment of total self ego. Totally fuckin awesome. So classic. So Van Damme.

Before the Robbery

As JCVD fights for the custody of his daughter, we see via flashbacks as a lawyer bashes JCVD on the flicks he has made (see the trailer). Totally funny, dead on and inside joke heavy. We also peek in on convos JC has with his agent.

The best lines stem from JC's "Bulgaria producer funded flicks" (so true) and his character action motivated films. He soon finds out he has lost a part to his nemesis Steven Seagal (because Seagal was willing to cut off his dumbass pony tail) . Seagal still makes movies? Really?
Oh how the mighty have fallen. The true JCVD fans know EXACTLY what he's talking about which make it an atomic bomb of full on hilarity.

Van Damme’s POV

As the robbery progresses, JCVD is thought to be the mastermind behind the robbery. In truth, 3 bumbling robbers are keeping everybody hostage and using Van Damme to make their demands. It's Van Damme's authenticity of helping the hostages and saving his own ass that make JC's performance so mesmerizing.

The truly standout scene is initiated where we see him have a out of body floating-ish monologue about his past drug addictions, his family and wives and the price of Hollywood stardom.

It was like a spinkick of acting. A Dim Mak right into the stomach. Van Damme screaming "Uncle". Totally fuckin mesmerizing.

After the Robbery

The ending is seemingly a parody of real life stars in goofy improbable situations. But it ends nicely. Touching and emotional. Totally NOT LIKE a regular JCVD flick.

Like driving on a hill, we get some highs and lows. Awesome-rific moments of pure funnyness, some real nitty gritty suspense and action, wads of gut wrenching, crying Van Damme emotions and a character variation of this man called Jean Claude Van Damme.

You couldn't write a better character. Because you can't make this stuff up because most of it is true.

Awesome flick. One of the top 5 movie of 2008 easily.

Influences

Watch all of JCVDs library of flicks

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Hahahahahaha. This isn't gore you're looking for. Move along.

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Nada.

WTF moment

It's this scene I mentioned before.

[We get what we wanted as we see Van Damme kicks ass in front of the crowd. He then proceeds to high five fellow officers and taps his chest in a moment of total self ego. Totally fuckin awesome. So classic. So Van Damme.]

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

You knew I was going to give this 4 spinkicks didn't you? One of the best movies of 2008. For the true JCVD fan, this has to be seen. For the art house, indie movie crowd, it's perfect.

JCVD was suppose to be on hand for a Q and A after the movie but alas he had to care for his sick dog or was it reshoots for Full Love, I'm not sure anymore.

Insano Steve says that Van Damme is not allowed in the country anymore. We also realized we hadn't seen a Van Damme movie in the theatre since 1999.

I was glad to see JCVD back in the theatres. It was about fuckin time.

Rating:

Check out the trailer.







Tags:
jcvd, jcvd trailer , Jean Claude Van Damme , spinkicks, us premiere jcvd, top movies 2009, action comedy, jcvd review,

Labels: Angelika Film Center, comedy action, french film, J.C.V.D. Trailer, JCVD, JCVD review, Jean Claude Van Damme

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

I'm so fuckin excited. Today I'm going to see the NYC premiere of JCVD at the Angelika. If you're in the NYC area, you should check it out.

Van Damme was suppose to do a live appearance Q and A after the screening but crap, he had to do reshoots of his new movie Full Love. Fuckity, fuck...

I had so many questions for him.

Will there be Replicant 2?
Will the success of JCVD propel him back to theatrical spinkicking US blockbuster releases?
Can he kick Tony Jaa's ass?
What the hell happened to "Kumite"? Is that shit still in the works?

Dammit. What a lost opportunity.

Oh well. But JCVD is getting tons of great reviews. The trailer looks megatastic.

I'm expecting spinkicks galore.

Check out the trailer one more time.







Tags:
jcvd, jcvd trailer , Jean Claude Van Damme , spinkicks, us premiere jcvd, top movies 2009, action comedy,

Labels: comedy action, french film, J.C.V.D. Trailer, JCVD, Jean Claude Van Damme

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

[originally posted on leftoverthoughts.com on 7/7/02]

The Greatest Martial Arts Fighting Tournament Movie Ever Made

Part I

What movie are the following quotes from?

"OK USA!"
"You Jackson?? You look like a Jackson."
"You are NEXT!"
"You break my record, now I break you, like I break your friend!"
"Very good. But brick not hit back!"
"Time to separate the men from the boys."
"Just be sure Chong Li doesn't separate your head from you body."
"Don't make us use fifty-thousand volts on you, Frank."
"What the hell's a Dim Mac?"
"Aren't you a little young for full contact?"
"Aren't you a little old for video games?"
"Yes, Hong Kong is a very exciting city."
"No, It's Dux" "Yeah like put up your dukes? Right?"
"Someday, I'm going to fight in the Kumite and make my father proud" "
I'm glad your on our side kid"
"No.....bottom one"

So many more quotes to list. I could go on and on. If you haven't guessed already, all these quotes are from the greatest movie ever...and i mean ever made about a secret illegal human cockfighting tournament.

It's Bloodsport!

Starring Jean Claude Van Damme as Frank Dux. This is the movie that started the martial arts tournament video game craze. This is the movie that spawned Street Fighter, Mortal Kombat and countless other fighting games.

If they had only made Bloodsport into a video game. Look at the characters you would have gotten to play with.

1.) Frank Dux: He would have probably been the best player in the game. A cross b/w Ken and Ryu. No fireballs though. Only a Dim Mak.
Finishing Move: Spin Kick

2.) Chong Li: He should be the best character. He would be Gen. Bison like. Ultimately he would kick and kill everybody in the game.
Finishing move: Some sort of death my punch in the face move

3.) Ray Jackson: Dux's Hell's Angel friend. (Donald Gibb was Ogre in "Revenge of the Nerds")

4.) Hossein: He was Dux's first win int he Kumite.

5.) Paco: Dux beat him in the semifinals.

6.) Prang: Chong Li killed him in the semifinals (i think)

7.) Tanaka: Dux's Shidoshi (teacher)

Other fighters that could have been in the game

8.) Hiro
9.) Oshima
10.) Shingo (Dux's childhood friend that died)
11.) Gustafson
12.) Toon
13.) Chuan
14.) Parades
15.) Pumola
16.) Morra
17.) Yasuda
18.) Cocard
19.) Luu
20.) Aussie

At least 20 fighters could have been in this game. Alas, there were no Playstation's, Xboxes or GameCubes back in 1988. The least they can do now is put this movie on DVD.

Also there are so many unanswered questions in this movie. But that will be covered in Part 2.

Part II

On to my nitpicky, but thought provoking questions about Van Damme, Bloodsport, the Kumite, etc.?

1.) Some people say the Kumite fighters were matched up as red belts versus yellow belts? Is this true?

2.) How did Ray Jackson get an invitation to the Kumite? I mean are the Hell's Angels on the invite list of the Kokoruki Clan?

3.) If the Kumite is so secret how come the blonde reporter knew about it?

4.) Does anybody have or knows of the bracket/match system for the Kumite? How many competitors actually were invited? Did certain fighters get bye's into the quarters?

[Early this year, somebody on Wikipedia actually did it. Check it out.]

5.) We all know Chong Li was not North Korean. However is throwing Fuji dust legal in the Kumite? It must be, the ref saw it. Could Chong Li have used weapons? Say some numchucks were tossed onto the ramp, could he have beaten up Dux w/ it?

6.) How did they post those fighter signs and world record signs so fast? Are there time keepers? I mean is there a Kumite historian watching the fight? Can I meet this guy?

7.) The Kumite ref is freakin useless. It's full contact. No rules. I mean Chong Li killed a guy. I think the ref should have penalized Chong Li. At least given him a warning if he killed anybody else he would be disqualified or at least fined.

8.) You'd think the Hong Kong police would be quite suspicious that all these grown, musclehead men (many of them Westerners) were turning up in the hospital with bruises, broken bones and psychological trauma. Were they bribed? Do they have an alliance with the police?

9.) What happened to Tanaka's kid?

The kid who said: 'One day I'm gonna fight in the Kumite and make my father proud."

He mysteriously died. Did those bullies beat him up like the day after Dux saved him. And then Tanaka adopted Dux. What did Dux's parents have to say about this? Tanaka was torturing Dux and making him do household chores, cleaning, serving tea. We have a right to know.

10.) Finally, If the next Kumite is held in 2003 (it's held every 5 years) will there be Bloodsport: The Return? Van Damme has to make this. He must make this. We need this film. Somebody should inform Van Damme that Daniel Bernhardt ruined his breakthrough movie.

Tags:
bloodsport, kumite , jcvd , jean claude van damme, chong li, Martial Arts Fighting Tournament , top action movies, frank dux, gratuitous nudity, street fighter, dim mak, , mmo,

Labels: bloodsport, chong li, frank dux, JCVD, Jean Claude Van Damme, kumite brackets, kumite tournament brackets, ray jackson, spinkicks, van damme

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Gallowwalker is speculated to be Wesley Snipes return to a theatrical release-hood. So if Snipes can do it, why can't JCVD?

I mean Snipes was indicted for tax invasion and he gets the Hollywood greenlight? Has JCVD ever been arrested for a crime? (Oh yeah.... drugs, girl trouble and he got sued by the real Frank Dux)

Well I gotta admit, Gallowwalker looks Paul W.S. Anderson-ish and has a slight video gamey effect but the premise has got me stoked.

A gunman knows too well the ways of vengeance. Fast and furious, he has killed every man who crossed him. But his gift with a gun comes with a curse. All those who die by his hand will return. Enter the world of gallowwalker, where vengeance lives forever.

Live by the gun. Die by the gun. Come back for more...

Western zombie gun slinging goodness or straight to DVD Uwe Boll garbage?

You decide. Check out the trailer below.





Tags:
gallowwalker trailer, gallowwalker , western+horror , wesley snipes, gunslinging, cowboys, zombies, jcvd,top horror movies of 2009,ddp

Labels: gallowwalker, gallowwalker trailer, guns, JCVD, wesley snipes, western zombie horror

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

jadedviewer loves Van Damme. We support Van Damme 100%. We love the spinkicks, the double twin illegal fighting tournament movies. We love the cyborg, replicant cop, "black silk underwear", Rodman buddy cop movies. We love the Van Damme.

We believe Hollywood needs Van Damme.

But Hollywood isn't listening right now.

So Jean Claude made a French movie. And we will go see it regardless if its subtitled and has no spinkicks. Because we are the true, real, hardcore Van Damme-ites.

And what is this new JCVD movie called?

Well.....

It's called J.C.V.D of course!





You can watch the awesome, self parodying, comedic teaser below.



Support Van Damme!

Labels: J.C.V.D. Trailer, JCVD, Jean Claude Van Damme

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:36 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post