the jaded viewer

Frontiere(s)








So it's good to know there are some inbred, cannibal neo-nazi families on the borderland of France.



















And now to the scenes of gore! gore! gore!








Tags:
frontiere(s), french horror , after dark horrorfest 2007 , gore splatter, hostel, the hills have eyes, shane ryan, gratuitous nudity, 8 films to die for, 2008 horror movies, 2008 gore splatter horror, horror movies of 2007,

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark horrorfest 2008, french horror, frontiere(s), gore, splatter, top 10 horror movies of 2007, top horror movies of 2008, underground splatter

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Evil Adam wrote up some reviews for UGO.com for the other 4 After Dark Horrorfest movies from 2007.

As I've been tortured enough by the horror-crap of this entire boxset, his reviews are outright dead on and hilariously twisted.

Check out the reviews for The Deaths of Ian Stone and Unearthed below.

The Deaths of Ian Stone

The Deaths of Ian Stone (2007)

Directed by Dario Piana

Ever get to a point in your movie viewing life where you think to yourself "I've seen it all!" Ever watch a movie and think to yourself "Whoever saw this movie, has seen them all and turned the leftovers into this film."

If not, then The Deaths of Ian Stone is for you.

Read more.

Unearthed

Unearthed (2007)

Directed by Matthew Leutwyler

Consistency is not something we are always accustomed to. Sometimes it is welcome and sometimes it really is not. Ok, so maybe I'm being vague, but here it comes. Bad acting, bad editing, bad sound cues that are supposed to scare you, horrible visual effects, lighting that would only work if everyone was wearing glow in the dark paint, and terrible writing make this one consistent film.

I really hope I didn't blow it all for you with that barrage, but it needed to be said. Of all the films from the After Dark Horrorfest 8 Films to Die For banner, this may be the one that is the most devoid of quality. How do I even begin to destroy the film? Read more.

My review of Mulberry Street posted here originally is also up on UGO.com.

Click here to check it out.

Reviews of Nightmare Man and Lake Dead coming soon!

Tags:
the deaths of ian stone, unearthed , unearthed review , the deaths of ian stone review, ugo , after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2008, horrofest

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark horrorfest 2008, after dark horrorfest boxset, the deaths of ian stone, unearthed

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:37 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Borderland

Borderland (2007)

Directed by Zev Berman

When the climax of your opening scene is ocular trauma, you’ve pretty much hooked me, no questions asked. And that’s how Borderland starts and continues until its chaotic, bloody end and in doing so makes it the best movie of the After Dark Horrorfest.
The story is about three high school grads Ed (Jake Muxworthy) our reluctant hero, Phil (Rider Strong “Cabin Fever”) our oversexed third wheel and Henry (Brian Presley) the cocky a**hole. They decide to head to Mexico to sow their oats before they all go off to college. Road trip anyone?

But what separates this movie becoming from a Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake or Hostel or Turistas, is the realism director Zev Berman injects into every aspect of the movie. The scenes of the border Mexican town are lively and chilling. The scenery is filled with docu-style visuals establishing 2 worlds, one where tourists visit and an underground where nobody dares speak of.

After Phil has an awkward situation with a Mexican “Kristen”, Ed meets a sexy, feisty bartender named Valeria. And that’s when the tourist world ends.

Soon after, one of them gets kidnapped by a drug cartel. But this is not an ordinary smuggling ring. They are a black magic obsessed drug dealers who believe that human sacrifice enables them to become “invisible” from authorities.

The 2 other gringos ask the authorities for help but are shunned. Instead they meet Ulises an ex cop who tells them about the cult, their location and agrees to help them free their friend.

The real surprise that had me shaking my head was Sean Astin (Rudy, LOTR) in a mind bending, defining role. As Randall, the unlikely American who keeps an eye on the hostage, Astin plays an evil, maniac brute. It’s an outstanding performance by Astin who plays this character to perfection.

With these stellar performances, we get our fill of gore and more gore. Arm chopping, machete splitting and some gruesome beheadings. These all are from our brainwashed cult members and our step up to the plate hero, Ed. The final scenes are frenetically paced, with a few good moments of suspense and an all out bullet ridden shootout finale.

Borderland works as both a crime thriller and horror movie that it actually raises both parts to ingenious levels. It’s stark realism and because it’s loosely tied to a true story that occurred in 1989 give it that truthiness feel. Borderland does not skimp out on the splatter, diligently gives us pieces to a horrific crime and creates a movie that has no definitive genre, making it borderless. That’s why it’s the perfect and best of all the Horrofest movies.

The Extras:

The extras are on this DVD are as good as it gets. There are only 2 features but both are great. The first is Inside Zev’s Head: A Filmmaker’s Diary. At 20 minutes, it’s a great day to day behind the scenes documentary of the making of the movie. Here you get to hear Zev Berman on his inspiration for the film, the on the set problems and his philosophy on making movies.

The other feature is Rituales de Sangre – The True Story Behind the Cult Murder Investigation. This 28 minute feature focuses on an interview with George Gavito, a former Deputy Sheriff from the Brownsville, Texas police. He gives a first hand account of the true crime and the investigation that followed. It was totally mesmerizing experience as they showed real footage of the Mexican ranch where these human sacrifice murders occurred. The amateur video also shows the men who carried out these crimes and the aftermath by Mexican Federales to take down the cult leader of the group.

There is also audio commentary with the director Zev Berman, actor Brian Presley, Director of Photography Scott Kevan and Producer Lauren Moews.

Included in all of the After Dark Horrorfest DVDs are the Miss Horrorfest Contest webisodes. Think Surreal Life meets the Misfits. It’s a VH1 version of the Suicide Girls.

Rating:

The Trailer:



Tags:
borderland, borderland horror movie trailer , mexico border town , zev berman, border land , after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2008, horrofest

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark horrorfest 2008, after dark horrorfest boxset, borderland, borderland horror movie, borderland review, zev berman

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Tooth and Nail

Tooth and Nail (2007)

Directed by Mark Young

“Laws are the only things that separate us from savagery. Because the beast is there inside all of us watching…waiting. When civilization is no longer there to protect us, when the beast is the only thing standing between us and death, we will absolutely fight tooth and nail to survive.”

I love when they mention the title of the movie in narrated dialogue. Doesn’t it always justify a cool sounding title? But in this case, it’s really just filler for a mediocre stab and jab movie.

A couple of questions popped into my head after watching Tooth and Nails.

Why does post apocalyptic Philadelphia look like modern day Philadelphia?

So when the world runs out of gas we somehow turn into blood thirsty cannibals?

Can an abandoned hospital setting dictate every scene in your movie?

Well the answer to that last question is yes. And that’s the setting of Tooth and Nails.
So if you were looking for a Mad Max America, you’re out of luck dude.

When the world runs out of gas in 2012, the world is consumed into anarchy; chaos and destruction the opening narration tell us. Smart survivors all head south but a few remain behind in good ole Philly (really? Philly?) We meet a group of survivors who are living in an abandoned hospital who are intent on rebuilding society.

Director Mark Young wasn’t being very subtle with his car/gas analogy. The characters are initially intriguing as they all have car like names. We meet Ford (Rider Strong, “Cabin Fever”) who is the loose cannon of the group, Viper (Michael Kelly) the muscle, Torino (Alexandra Barreto) the sexy vixen, Nova (Emily Young) the mute kid, Darwin (Robert Carradine) the professor and de facto leader and finally Dakota (Nicole DuPort) our Buffy-ish heroine.

They rescue a young girl Neon (Rachel Miner, “Penny Dreadful”) who has been attacked by “Rovers” who are packs of humans that have turned to cannibalism to survive in this hellish doomsday world. Neon tells them the Rovers have murdered her family. The Rovers wait until night to hunt their prey but only kill one at a time so their meat is fresh. Of course this begs the question, why don’t they just capture all of them and just lock em up. But then you wouldn’t get 90 minutes of stalk, hide, stab/shoot, run.

As the story progresses, our little 90210 group gets picked off one by one by the Rovers. Included in this group is Mr. Blonde himself Michael Madsen and Vinnie Jones in various extended cameos. The Rovers are of course dressed in your standard issue Mad Max, Road Warrior, Hills Have Eyes attire. They are also armed to the teeth with a variety of weapons that were picked up at the Medieval Times gift shop.

And there you have it. The gore factor kills are a plenty but sort of predictable and boring. Hatchet chopping, cleaver through the head, sliced throats, spear through the chest, arrow in the eye, acid dissolving face and battle axe through the head (not necessarily in that order).

There are some added sex scenes that seem very out of place (but alas because it is a horror movie they do have to follow some “Scream” rules). As the group fights for survival, an obvious twist is inserted that can only be summed up by one word: Yawn.

We conclude with Dakota outsmarting the Waterworld rejects and in an out of character bizzaro finale she goes all Braveheart on the remaining Rovers.

Logic here is totally thrown out the window and this movie should have been as well. The movie never defines what it wanted to be. I watched a Discovery channel show about the possibility of the world running out of gas and it was never this dire. Are we to believe that when we can’t fill our SUV’s anymore, we will become all become Dahmers in waiting?

Tooth and Nail is so preposterous its only redeemable value is that it’s MST3K worthy. So if you’re looking for a post apocalyptic world filled with cannibal hunters, go rent the cult classics instead. You’ll be spared this tooth and nail torture.

The Extras:

Included in all of the After Dark Horrorfest DVDs are the Miss Horrorfest Contest webisodes. Think Surreal Life meets the Misfits. It’s a VH1 version of the Suicide Girls.

Rating:

1/2

The Trailer:



Tags:
tooth and nail, tooth and nail horror movie trailer , rachel miner , cannibals post apocalyptic horror, michael madsen and vinnie jones , after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2008, horrofest

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark horrorfest boxset, michael madsen, rachel miner, tooth and nail, tooth and nail horror, tooth and nail review, tooth and nail trailer

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:19 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Crazy Eights

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark horrorfest 2008, after dark horrorfest boxset, crazy eights, dina meyer, frank whaley, miss horrorfest, traci lords

Posted by the jaded viewer at 11:52 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post