the jaded viewer

The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations

The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations (2009)

Directed by Seth Grossman

On my list of movies to see for the After Dark Horrorfest III: 2009, this movie ranked dead last on movies I wanted to see.

I never saw the original or its sequel and though I like time travel stories, I just couldn't see myself watching Ashton Kutcher in something he would ultimately fuck up.

But Revelations is Kutcher free so I figured its now safe to enter the water.

So seeing this 3rd installment is a complete shocker as its actually a tolerable, mediocre piece of filmmaking. It's isn't completely horrible and it's not critic proof brilliant. It's just average. And being average for an After Dark movie is like climbing Mount Everest.

You made it to the top!

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Sam Reed can travel back in time, and makes his living helping to identify killers to the police. The problem is that if changes anything, deliberately or accidentally, the "butterfly effect" causes history to change. When he returns to the present, things are often completely different and he has no clear memory of what happened in his new history.

His troubles begin when he "breaks the rules" by trying to help the sister of his murdered girlfriend find out who the murderer was, and ends up changing his own history. Every attempt he makes to fix the problems that occur create even worse problems, and each trip scrambles his memory even further and puts him in an even worse situation than before.

Can he solve the mystery before he loses his mind?

Awesome Review-O-Matic

I gotta admit, there's an actual ample amount of splatter and nudity in this flick which totally caught me off guard. So as the movie started off with some dude bashing a woman's head in, I was like WTF.

Sam (Chris Carmack) and Jenna (Rachel Miner, girl from Californication, Bully) are siblings and have a nice, cozy family dynamic. Seems Sam use his time travel skills to help the police solve cases so he can support his deadbeat sister. Oddly enough, the movie takes place in Detroit.

Really Detroit? White people live in Detroit? From the opening montages of some brothas playing basketball and some rundown houses, are we really suppose to believe this suburban white kid and his semi hot blonde sister live in the projects?

Who was the location producer on this? Kidding aside, there was even one scene where Sam is walking down the street and some brothas eyeing him like WTF you doing in this neighborhood?
I really think they had no idea they were filming a movie.

Anyway back to the flick, Sam loads up a bathtub full of ice and puts on some electrodes to go all Flux Capacitor.

However as his fat Doc Brown friend reminds him he has to abide by the BIG RULES which are:

1.) Never jump to into aspects of your life (personal and family) and try to change anything
2.) ONLY observe and report

But it wouldn't be much of a movie if good ole Sam abided by the rules right?

Seems Sam went back in time and saved his sister from a burning house but the laws of physics and shit say you can't do that unless you pay the reaper which of course happens as instead of his sister dying his parents die.

Later, a blast from his old cases comes in as a friend of Sam's old GF who was murdered tells Sam to investigate her case. Seems the guy who supposedly did it is on Death Row and possibly innocent.

I know what your thinking. Everytime I say Sam goes back in time your thinking Quantum Leap right? Shit people, I was thinking the same thing to. I was waiting for Sam to say: "Al, ask Ziggy what I'm here to change?" Boom! Blue light. And Sam's in a girl's body.

So the odd part of Sam's time travel is he goes back in time in his body. So when he jumps back to a point in time when he was a kid (say around the 1970s) he's in the body of of a 8 year old him.

Soon Sam is jumping in to try to save his ex. But that fucks up the timeline and creates a Pontiac serial killer. Sam leaps back and forward in time investigating whose doing the killing and each time changes the future.

So our killer is going all serial killing people with an arsenal of machinery. Chainsaws, dice and slice, etc. Seems like our time traveler just can't figure it out until it's explained to him.

Suffice it to say, you can figure out whose the Big Bad killer 30 minutes in. The ending is little bit cliched, though a nice evil touch is added at the end.

I don't want to ruin or add any spoilers so you know, I won't.

Even our killer has fun explaining the entire craziness of all the slayings by saying:

"This is so Scooby-Doo, isn't it? I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids."

Butterfly Effect: Revelation is not a perfect movie, but it's a competent one. It doesn't go too far off its own logic and it moves quicky for its 90 minutes. Each of the characters have their own little job to push Sammy along to find the truth. His fat physics professor friend, the inept detectives and the big breasted waitress who he boinks all contribute to his timeline life.

Seems people like the 1st one so maybe, just maybe I'll go see that one. But I mean it has the Kutcher. But it does have the hotness that is Amy Smart. Hmmmm. Do I risk watching Ashton the douche to see a hot blonde? Tough choice.

Maybe if future me went back in time to tell me what I should do, this wouldn't be a tough choice. You hear me future me? What do I do?

Gore-ipedia

Bashed head trauma
Sliced finger trauma
Foot trauma
Sliced torso trauma
Sliced neck trauma

Nude-ipedia

Hot blonde waitress boobies (in multiple positions!)

WTF moment

The killer explaining everything (motive, involvement, plot, etc) to our man Sam

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I gotta admit, this one surprised me. I didn't know I'd actually find this "EH" instead of "ARGH".
If you like time travel or the other Butterfly Effect movies I guess you can watch this one.

If you ever go back in time, tell the After Dark commitee to stop making movies. Please.

Rating:

Trailer:










Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , butterfly effect revelations , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, horror, gratuitous nudity, top horror movies of 2009, butterfly effect revelations review, after dark horrorfest 3 2009 reviews, the jaded viewer

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest boxset, butterfly effect, butterfly effect revelation, butterfly effect revelation review, time travel

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

You know how much the After Dark Horrorfest III 2009 box set actually cost? $112!!!
Get the fuck outta here.

You might as well spend that dough on a hooker. At least you know you're getting ripped off.

In any case, as you know I've been reviewing all of these movies for your benefit so you can get an idea of what you may be getting into. It's just one man's jaded viewer opinion but honestly they all pretty much suck. What did you expect...a good film? Maye something awesome like Frontiere(s) or Mulberry Street?

Don't believe the hype. It's mediocre-ville bordering in suckyburg in this year's After Dark Horrorfest.

So UGO.com was happy to take my reviews plus add their own and make a nice PG-13 mini DVD review of the flicks.

You can check out all the reviews by going here.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, after dark horrorfest boxset, horrorfest, miss horrorfest, ugo.com

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Dying Breed

Dying Breed (2008)

Directed by Jody Dwyer

In every continent and in every country it seems everybody has their variation on the redneck cannibals. From France to Italy to England to America to Australia, we all share the common fear that if we go too deep in the woods, or we make that Wrong Turn or go over that hills with eyes, we'll end up cannibal meat.

So Australia's up next in this genre.

And with Dying Breed, it's not breaking any new ground but it's not boring either.

You've seen it all before. Friends go into the backwoods (this time it's the Tasmanian outback) looking a lost tiger, meet up with the redneck, inbred locals who they ridicule and scoff at and proceed to go deeper into the woods (because of course thats fuckin logical).

They than get picked off one by one by a long lost cannibal family or cannibal legend who despises intruders and want to be left alone.

Kills o plenty ensue until you get to your evil wins ending.

It's your typical cannibal rednecks gone primal, but Dying Breed's version isn't all too bad.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Inspired by the legends of a 19th-century cannibal and an extinct tiger, this brutal horror-thriller centers on four friends who find out that something—or someone—murderous lurks in the rain-slogged Australian bush.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Nina is our pseudo final girl whose on a expedition to finish the work of her sister who was searching for a long lost extinct tiger. She brings along her boyfriend Matt, his best bud Jack and his slutty dimwitted girlfriend Rebecca.

Right off the bat, you get your stereotypes on cue. Jack is a total douchebag asshole whose just slurs everyone he talks to. Rebecca plays the brunette blonde girl who you know is probably the first to die (she does).

And Matt is so whipped, he could be at a S&M club.

Once they get to Tasmania, they're fucking shit up. The movie is rather slow, delving into the Australian legend lore of a "Pieman" an escaped prisoner back in the 1800s. It also focuses way to much on this Jumanji search for a tiger.

By the time anything remotely horror related happens, your an hour in and slightly irritated that these cannibal sickos are fuckin slow.

But when they hear their stomachs grumble, Dying Breed gets moving. The kills start off a little dry but get going. A nice sliced face shocks you nicely. The movie trudges along as everybody goes into paranoia mode.

Our campers discover an abandoned shack (which is a staple in these movies) and go all CSI. A nice played out scene has Jack and Matt investigating something cooking in the kitchen. It's clever enough to blindside you as you follow along.

By the time everybody has stopped running we get our exposition plot and the final faceoffs. A bit of semi twistiness shows up in the final climax but any jaded viewer could see that coming. The funny part of Dying Breed at the end is well that it kept ending. There were like 3 times it could have just ended.

Maybe they couldn't decide on the best ending so they put em all in. Who knows.

Dying Breed plays out as a straightforward cannibal inbred mutant movie. It's a little tedious but don't look for The Hills Have Eyes or Wrong Turn 2 or Frontiere(s). It's distinctly Australian and they give their different take on these subgenre.

This may have been the best of the foriegn After Dark Horrorfest III movies.

Gore-ipedia

Arrow in the mouth
Face decap
Bear trap trauma
Cannibal corpsed
Sliced throat
Dental surgery

Nude-ipedia

Some naked back, sorry no boobies

WTF moment

Really? 3 different endings in a span of 6 minutes? Pick one already!

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Most of the After Dark Horrorfest movies of 2009 completely sucked. None really stood out and Dying Breed is just your run of the mill cannibal rednecks run amok. I can't recommend this movie, but you probably won't listen to me.

So if you need your fix of cannibals, this be it.

Rating:
The Trailer





Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , australian horror , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, gratuitous nudity, horror movies of 2009, dying breed,dying breed review

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, dying breed, dying breed review

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

The Broken

The Broken (2008)

Directed by Sean Ellis

I saw the trailer for Sean Ellis Cashback but never saw the movie. It does look really cool.

So instead I saw The Broken. Part of the After Dark Horrorfest flicks.

I can understand After Dark films wanted to have a collection of different horror subgenres to be part of its 8 films to die for.

So what we get here is an anti-gorehound movie for the masses. Very tension filled, suspense driven, M. Knight endingly BORING SNOOZE-A-RAMA.

The movie is filled with moments of nothingness. Absolutely nothing. By nothing of course I mean scene after scene of filler. When a movie starts to flashback to something that happened 15 minutes ago showcasing something dreamlike, you know you're in trouble.

In addition to that ZZZZ-fest on the eyes, all we see is Lena Headey aimlessly walking from one place to another trying to be scared (or Ellis trying to scare us). Which of course isn't scary at all.

All this adds up to a meta-horror universe of Poe and Barker like stories that work out to probably be a good read but makes a horrible movie.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

On a busy street in London, Gina thinks she sees herself drive past in her own car. Stunned by this strange event, Gina follows the mystery woman up to her apartment. From here, events take an eerie turn for the worse until Gina's awareness slides from solid reality into a world that will haunt more than just her nightmares.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

The beginning of a movie has to set up everything so the ending will pay off. But when the set up is long and arduous and ridiculously pointless, you begin to even wonder if the pay off will be worth it.

The Broken's beginning and middle are so broken (pun so fuckin intended) that by the time you get to the "AH HA!" ending, you don't give 2 shits.

Lena Headey (she's actually British you Sarah Connor fans!) plays a radiologist in London. Her family/friends includes:

1.) Her Dad (he's American)
2.) Typical brother dude
3.) Brother's girlfriend
4.) Her boyfriend, some French dude

She sees somebody that resembles herself, we join Gina on figuring out WTF is going on. Soon she starts noticing odd things (aka more nothingness) and a lot of broken mirrors (even more nothingness).

Her family starts to get killed off by their own set of dopplegangers and soon she's next on the hit list.

Suffice it to say, if I kept going I'd probably give away too much.

For a 90 minute movie, it felt like 100 years. Effective movies that build suspense and make the audience hooked to their seats give their audience some idea of what the hell is going on. At no point in the Broken did I get that.

Sure, I was speculating on a wide variety of what was stalking Gina. Was it......

1.) Vampires?
2.) Time traveling assassins?
3.) Evil Dopplegangers?
4.) Ghosts?
5.) Evil Doppleganger, vampire ghost, time traveling assassins?

One of those is true by the way. But by the end, I didn't really care. Usually, I'll IMDB Trivia a movie or Wikipedia or Google to get more info.

There was no way I was gonna give this movie too much of my brain power.

Here are a few fun facts from The Broken:

1.) Times somebody takes a shower: 3
2.) Times we see Lena Headey nude: 1 (boobies!)
3.) Times we see a fake looking crash test dummy in a dreamlike car accident: 4
4.) Times we see the London Underground: 2
5.) Times we see a broken mirror: too many to count

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Suffocationand blunt trauma
Mouth trauma
Vehicular crash test dummy trauma

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Lena Headey gets nude!!! (only boobies and walking around nakedness)
British girl gets naked

WTF moment

The ending that I saw coming a billion light years away

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I don't discriminate in my horror movies. I am a big gorehound but I also dig the psychological horror, the Mist-like horror films that are all about suspense.

But this really was a big snoozefest and if it wasn't seeing Lena Headey nude, this would have been totally pointless.

Be sure to check out the used DVD bin at your Walmart. This is where you will find the Broken.


Rating:
The Trailer






Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , lena headey nude , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, gratuitous nudity, horror movies of 2009, the broken,the broken review

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, british horror, doppleganger, lena headey, lena headey naked, lena headey nude, the broken, the broken review

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Slaughter

Slaughter (2009)

Directed by Stewart Hopewell

More boring than continental drift, comes Slaughter, a movie that makes it a point to expose you with boring gas for 90 or so straight minutes. I can usually take pointless horror films, because honestly I’ve seen worse. But Slaughter takes a while to heat up and at that point you don’t care.

The story revolves around a young woman who is looking to escape her abusive boyfriend by moving to a friend's farm near Atlanta. Her new friend is a slutty goldigger but as our final girl soon discovers something sinister with her friend’s family.

There a few twists and turns, something Ed Wood would be proud of. But by the end you want to be slaughtered yourself. Don’t kid yourself. You’ve seen this movie before. It was called High Tension (but without the twist). It was trying to mimic that Eli Roth feel but when your characters are blah and your plot is non existent, it all turns into a mess. And for a movie that calls itself Slaughter, you’d think there would be more scenes of that.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Crazy dental surgery
Hanging
Gunshot to the stomach

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Women in tight t-shirts

WTF moment

No way was this based on a true story

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I knew there was a reason this was #6 on my must watch After Dark Horrorfest movies of 2009.
Because I knew it was sucked. Was the Butterfly Effect better than this? Jeezus, it might actually have been.


Rating:
The Trailer





Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , slaughter , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, slaughter review, gratuitous nudity, horror movies of 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews,

Labels: 8 films to die for, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, after dark horrorfest boxset, slaughter, slaughter review

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Today all the After Dark Horrorfest movies come out on DVD. It's a wide variety of horror subgenres ranging from cannibals, dopplegangers, witchcraft and time travel.

Honestly, most of these movies kinda suck.

So to spare you the "should I Netlfix or *gasp* even purchase" some of these movies, I will put all my reviews right in this post.

So this week is After Dark Horrorfest review week at the jaded viewer.

So far I've reviewed 3 of the 8 films to die for. I'll have the rest of them coming up this week as well.

Sometimes I question the After Dark's committee selection. Did they even watch these films? They are more like 8 films to stay away from.

Check out the reviews

Labels: 8 films to die for, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, dying breed, from within, perkins 14, slaughter, the broken

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Autopsy

Autopsy (2008)

Directed by Adam Gierasch

[Think the Slap Chop infomercial]

Part of the mega awesome After Dark Horrorfest movies of 2009! we'd like to introduce you to Autopsy! Where we take every horror cliche and repackage it, put on the shelves and hope somebody buys it.

You want sterotypical, young looking hotties?

You got it!

You want fake looking latex mannequins that ooze out too much blood and have chicken parts as intenstines?

You betcha!

You want a creepy, abandoned hospital in Louisiana?

It's yours!

But that's not all. We'll even throw in a psycho, mad crazy doctor played by the one and only T-1000 Robert Patrick!

He slices and dices and so does the entire hospital staff!

How much would you pay for this? $9.99? $19.99? $49.99? Your first born? How about your soul?

But before you act to quickly, lets go over what you get.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

A young woman tries to find her injured boyfriend in a bizzare and dangerous hospital

Awesome Review-O-Matic

People have often thought our product was similar to say Insanitarium and many other cliched horror films.

But that's not true!

We got much more than that.

We've assembled super duper generic stereoptypical characters! We've got:

1.) Brunette, slutty final girl
2.) Generic boyfriend dude
3.) Druggie stoner
4.) Blonde bimbo bimbette
5.) Foreign guy

And trust me, they're all fuckin dumb as bricks!

But check this out! Our baddies are more of the same, because we think recycled horror indie veterans make this feel all snuggy!

1.) Robert fuckin Patrick!
2.) That Mexican gangsta looking guy thats in all those crime movies
3.) Some big white biker motherfucker
4.) Crazy fuckin meat cleaver wielding nurse

And a hundred walking mindless patients! With inept cops!

You're probably asking about plot. Why would a mad doc want to kill all these partying, Spring Break-ing kids?

Because he's trying to rehabilitate his semi dead wife back together! How about that!

If you watch this movie for the entire 90 minutes, we'll throw in the following absolutely free.
A ton of gratuitous quick scares, bad CGI explosions, thunder and lightning and running around.

And also these awesome medical puns like:

"It's not like this is brain surgery!"
"Bleed out bitch"
"I always wanted to be a doctor"

Still not sold? Did I tell you about the gore and nudity? And the WTF moment?

Gore-ipidia

Wrist slicing
Intenstine oozing
Head trauma
Wrist slicing
Stab to the neck
Body parts
Drill to the head
Canister to the face trauma
Organ and intestine works of art
Arm amputations
Hatchet to the fuckin face

Nude-ipidia

Cleavage

WTF moment

Orderly punches blonde bimbo in the face

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Well that prognosis pun wasn't intentional. But let me tell you about the secrets of our product on DVD.
It's got an alternate ending! Whoa! And a 20 minute Behind the Scenes.

Our product is so cliched, so badly written, so "this has been done to death before" don't take our word for it, see what others have said.

It's out on DVD March 31st. Orders your today.

555-AUTOPSY-SUCKS


Rating:

1/2

The Trailer






Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , perkins 14 , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, robert patrick, gratuitous nudity, horror movies of 2009, autopsy,autopsy review

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, autopsy, autopsy review

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

From Within

From Within (2008)

Directed by Phedon Papamichael

From Within was my 3rd choice of excited movies I wanted to see out of the After Dark Horrorfest movies that came out last year.

Small American town, suicides, teen John Connor. Had to be at least decent right?

Wrong.

It's just a Ring knock off through and through.

This is basically what happens when America tries to make a basically Japanese shock horror film. The Japanese filmmakers will go all out to obliterate your senses with scary quick scares, nightmare visuals and hard R scenarios.

In a western reboot, it's just done too PG-13 to give a crap about.

The best thing From Within had going for it was the poster above and for me the panning credit sequence at the end of the movie.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

The residents of a small American town begin to die one-by-one apparently by suicide..

Awesome Review-O-Matic

There is a movie called Suicide Circle that came out of Japan in 2002. The opening scene has 54 high schools jumping to their deaths in front of a subway train. That's how you start a movie about a plague of suicides. By just giving the audience a WTF moment straight out.

And don't give me any M. Knight shit. The Happening wasn't happening at all.

So when your rash of suicide movie starts out and you have two goth kids hanging out contemplating just aint gonna cut it.

Been there, done that.

So when the goth kid blows his brains out, we start on our journey of a mysterious evil force making people kill themselves.

It's a rash of sui-palooza. Next, the goth dude's girl stabs herself with scissors. Then an antiques dealer hangs himself followed by his niece slicing her wrists on broken glass. Later we meet our final girl, Lindsay and her boy friend Dylan. Dylan is the son of the local Jerry Falwell and they love the religion.

Later, Lindsay's BFF car explodes (Final Destination style) and her step mom gets the urge to drink some Drano.

All this happens because each of these victims sees their doppleganger chasing them with blue eyes, vein-y faces and eyes that cry blood.

This is as scary as sitting in a traffic jam.

We meet the other local townies, all Republican, God fearing, evangelist listening gun totin rednecks. As the suicides become rampant, they start to blame the crazy family that lives deep in the backwoods. Because every small American town has got that family.

This brings us to John Connor...ahem I mean Aidan (Thomas Dekker from Sarah Connor Chronicles). He's the goth kid's brother and his mom was mysteriously killed years ago by the townsfolk in a burning thingmajig.

Basically it's your mom got killed by townies so I have to evoke revenge movie by cursing the town. You'd think you could hire Freddy Kreuger for this gig. Alas, our final girl is next on the curse hit list and it's a race against time to stop the damn videotape...err I mean cursed spell book from killing her.

The thrilling conclusion is clunky and without any thrills. It was thrilless.

It ends with your now cliched mysterious evil gets the last laugh, which to me I usually like but when you don't really care about any of the characters, I was so indifferent.

And that's the thing. These genre of movies, "rash of suicide" movies have to result in a big payoff. If they don't, the build up just falls flat.

Each of the characters was so boring, it was impossible to pull for any of these people to survive.
Lindsay our final girl, was so goodie two shoes, innocent and tolerant you just wanted to throw up. Our resident warlock Aiden was Mr. Mysterious I thought stage smoke was going to accompany him everywhere. Our our main big angsty bad, Bible belt freak Dylan was so McCain-ish, I wanted to go all Obama on him (I have no idea what that means)

All in all, the movie is a straight to DVD PG-13 snooze. It begs the question how these movies even end up as part of the supposed elite 8 of the After Dark fest.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Gunshot to head
Scissors neck trauma
Hanging
Slicing wrists on broken glass
Drano drinking
4th degree burns


Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Nada...does cleavage count?

WTF moment

The closing credit montage (probably the best scene in the movie)

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

It's a PG-13 rash of suicides movie. I didn't think that was even possible but From Within is it. Even The Happening got an R and that sucked. Nothing really special here. Go watch a remake or something.

The fact that I couldn't even get images of the suicides in the movie says it all.


Rating:
The Trailer






Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , perkins 14 , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, horror, gratuitous nudity, top horror movies of 2009, from within, from within review, suicide horror

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2008, after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, from within, from within review, suicide, suicide circle, thomas dekker

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Perkins 14

Perkins 14 (2009)

Directed by Craig Singer

**Opening Disclaimer**

It took me a total of 7 hours to watch Perkins 14. Yes, you read that right....7 FUCKIN HOURS!!!

Fuck you AMC theatres!

Let me tell you about my experience watching Perkins 14 which in a nutshell turned out to be the single worst movie theatre going experience I've ever evaaaaaaaaaaar had.

The AMC on 11th and 3rd in NYC is the only theatre showing all the After Dark movies. The times are staggered, and me and Insano Steve were forced to view a 11:45am showing.

Mind you that's a little early for me to go see horror. I like to watch my horror late at night, sometimes intoxicated, but mostly when my brain needs to go all relaxo.

The time aside, it also happened to be snowing and freezing in NYC which added to the difficult mode of seeing this hyped up flick.

But I support indie horror and I would trudge on and give this film a chance.

Then all hell broke loose.

Here is a log of what happened.

11:25am (EST): Insano Steve and me check out the crowd around theatre for this goddamn early show. I say "I think most of these people are in the movie". He says "No way".

Turns out I'm right as the director, Craig Singer, crew and some of the actors (Mihaela Mihut,Michal Graves and others) are attending the viewing.

That made this actually cool.

11:35am: Trailers start up......but upside down. Plus the audio seems to be going all Satanic verse backwards. Wow that was weird.

11:45am: Movie starts up. People applaud. I'm getting psyched.

11:55am: 10 minutes into the movie it starts showing up UPSIDE DOWN AGAIN!!!!! And I'm viewing a scene 20 minutes into the future. And the audio is all backwards fucked up again.

WTF!!!!

They stop the movie and everybody groans. People are talking and a few of the actors are talking about their scenes. I listen in. It's like DVD commentary live.

AMC says they are working on it. They say it should be ready in 5 minutes which was 30 minutes ago.

12:15pm: Still no movie

12:45pm: Uhh no movie.

1:15pm: Fuckity fuck. Where the hell is the movie? Fix this shit already.

1:45pm: They tell us a projectionist is coming in to fix this. Something to do with cassettes and reels. WA WA WA WA (Peanuts adult voice)

2:15pm: They tell us the movie is all fucked up. They are going to need a few hours to fix and they tell us to come back at 5pm. People are angry. I'm about to explode. It's been more than a hour and they still haven't gotten this shit fixed.

- - - - Thought bubble - - - -
I got a threshold for the abuse that I will take. Now, right now, I'm a fuckin' race car, right, and you got me the red. And I'm just sayin', I'm just sayin' that it's fuckin' dangerous to have a race car in the fuckin' red. That's all. I could blow.
- - - - End Thought bubble - - - -

2:30pm: IS and I go eat lunch at a Cajun place. I have chicken fried steak. It's yummy. We discuss Man vs Food. It's an enlightening conversation.

4:00pm: We go to our favorite video store which I find out is moving to a new location. 30% discount on porn and all the other movies. Everything is still expensive.

5:00pm: We return and wait for the second viewing to start. Theatre is kinda empty. A few people I saw earlier have come back. The rest have totally bailed.

5:10pm: Some guy in the front row is snoring.....really loudly. Somebody should wake him up. ZZZZZZZZZZZZ. Wake up!!!!

5:15pm: Movie starts up right where we got cut off. Cool, we shouldn't have any problems now......
6:08pm: FUCKITY FUCKERS!!!!! The movie is upside down again!!!!!???!?? You gotta be fuckin kidding me. They did it again??? Fuck you.

6:12pm: People are pissed. A guy flicks and curses at the projectionist. I want to find the manager and yell colorful profanities. They chime in that it will be fixed in 15 minutes which was 30 minutes ago. I am never going to an AMC theatre again.

7:00pm-ish: Movie ends. Credits roll. Thank goodness.

7:12pm: I find a manager and withhold the inner green Hulk monster in me. I demand I get compensation for this utter horrible experience. Manager seems snippy but finally caves and gives Insano Steve and I free passes.

7:13pm: We get the fuck out of Dodge as quick as fuckin possible.

You still there?

OK, my bad let me go on to the review which I will try to be objective about even though all that shit happened.

**The Actual Review**

Perkins 14 I thought was going to be the best of the 8 movies in this year's After DarkHorrorfest. It's hype is legendary as it proclaimed this was: a film invented, written, cast, voted for, chosen and created by YOU.

The film was developed by Massify.com. Writers submitted story ideas, audition tapes were uploaded and the cast and winning story were chosen. Webisodes were aired on the site and YouTube to give you a peek into the production. All gimmicky devices to make sure you were informed of YOUR movie.

The plot was the most inventive it seemed and the poster chosen was a throwback to the glory grindhouse days.

So with all this, Perkins 14 had a lot to live up to. Did it do it?

Well it is what it is. A decent horror movie, with some grey characters, good amounts of gore and splatter and some suspense thrown in.

It's a credit to the indie horror scene on how this movie was created and made. The movie itself on the other hand is nothing short of mediocre. And mediocrity may actual be failure when you hype up the movie this much.

Boring Plot-O-Matic (from the official site)

Years ago on a calm, dark night, Dwayne Hopper's life was shattered when his young son Kyle was abducted from his bedroom and disappeared without a trace. Kyle was the the final victim in a string of fourteen local disappearances. Dwayne, his wife Janine and daughter Daisy were forced to abandon hope that he would one day be found.

10 years later...Dwayne remains on the police force, but his family life has crumbled around him. Janine has lost faith in her husband just as Daisy has lost faith in her parents. One fateful night, Dwayne's suspicions are aroused when he notices striking similarities between a current inmate (Perkins), and the purported culprit behind the abductions.

Upon investigation, Dwayne discovers proof of Perkins' guilt during a tense search of the suspect's basement. In a fit of rage, Dwayne kills Perkins, but unbeknownst to him, the fourteen missing victims are very much alive. During captivity, they were dehumanized and trained to kill at random. Perkins' murder ignites a wave of carnage which sweeps across the entire town, with Dwayne's own son as one of the marauding psychopaths.

The Hopper family winds up taking refuge in a barricaded police station - but no walls are able to keep pure evil from breaking through. Dwayne and his family are caught up in a terrifying struggle for survival which pits them against a horde of brainwashed, bloodthirsty, "creatures." Who will survive the night?

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Perkins 14 has a interesting premise but it seems it went about it the wrong way. It's your typical kinetic alive brainwashed zombies attacking our brave hero cop and his family. What it should have been was a movie about each of the 14 people who were kidnapped and what Perkins did to them. How do you turn a normal kid into a bloody thirsty monster? Doesn't that sound waaay better?

Dwayne Hopper (Patrick O'Kane) is our hero cop and he has a wife (Mihaela Mihut) and daughter Daisy (Shayla Beesley). Each of these characters has some arcs in the movie as Dwayne investigates Perkins, his wife seems to be having an affair and the daughter wants to fuck this musician.

The movie starts up slow, with the first half teetering on character development. As Hopper interrogates Perkins, we finally get motive on why Perkins did what he did. But he is executed which to me didn't make sense.

Why would you kill off Perkins in the middle of the movie? He's the main adversary. Seemed anti climactic to just bullet in the brain him. There's always a super evil killer boss and his minions. The second half just had minions.

That's a major plot hiccup.

But the second half of the movie picks up speed and we get some awesome carnage by both Hopper and the 14. In one scene, an ocular trauma by Hopper's wife Janine has her taking a piece of glass ans sticking it into the eye of of 1 of the 14 psychopaths.

A few of the kill scenes are basic, nothing I'm writing Fangoria about.

We also get lots of running and chasing, mostly in the pitch black dark. It's really hard to watch darkness unless it's on BluRay. I know, I know....darkness adds the scary. But if you can't even see the scary, um it's not gonna be scary.

The movie goes editing crazy, with some quick cuts and dissolves and fades. It was an arsenal on the eyes and sort of took away from a more suspenseful approach.

I wasn't expecting the ending I got which was a downer. Downer endings are better endings in my book anyway.

Perkins 14 was at best a grindhouse horror flick with the potential-ality to be something really good. But it's greatest strength will always be the way it was created, with the horror fans participating in its production. It's a first in our Web 2.0 world to make a horror movie this way and it's a credit to all involved.

Perkins 14 knocked on the door but didn't have the "oooooomph" to push it down.

That's too bad.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Ocular trauma
Bullet in the brain
Intenstinal munchies
Finger nail scratching
Slicing and dicing
Random bloodletting and gore

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Nada

WTF moment

The second time the fuckin movie fucked up and went all upside down.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Do you want me to say go check out Perkins 14 this week? Maybe it's better than say Butterfly Effect or it could be worse than Dying Breed. I really don't know.

It's a run of the mill horror movie, not PG-13 and has a few choice cuts of bloody goodness.

If that's good enough, see it. If it's not, you got 7 others to choose from.

Pick wisely.


Rating:

The Trailer





Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , perkins 14 , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 perkins 14 review, horror, gratuitous nudity, horror movies of 2009, twitch, perkins 14 review, the jaded viewer, massify

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 3, massify, perkins 14, perkins 14 review, perkins 14 trailer

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Perkins 14 is an example of fan created horror. Not really a first, but a rare occurence in this day and age.

The film was developed by Massify.com. Writers submitted story ideas, audition tapes were uploaded and the cast and winning story were chosen.

So their tagline that a film invented, written, cast, voted for, chosen and created by YOU, isn't that farfetched.

Now part of the After Dark Horrorfest 2009 lineup we'll see if something created by US is actually fuckin good.

Here be the plot chosen by YOU.

Plot o rama

Robert Perkins builds an army of 14 people brainwashed through cult-like methods to protect him from his parents' killers. When Perkins is imprisoned, the police unwittingly unleash his followers on a small town and they've only got one thing on their mind: "Kill for Mr. Perkins."

Now watch the trailer created by YOU.

**UPDATE**

I've watched Perkins 14. CHECK OUT MY REVIEW!!!

**END UPDATE**




Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , perkins 14 , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, horror, gratuitous nudity, top horror movies of 2009, twitch, horror blog, the jaded viewer

Labels: 8 films to die for, after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 3, autopsy, butterfly effect revelation, dying breed, faithless, from within, perkins 14, someone behind you, the broken, voices

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

After Dark Horrorfest 2009 finally has a full lineup for the 8 movies to die for. I've seen a few of the past horrofest flicks in the theatre in 07 and 08. Some were damn good, some were fuckin horrible.

It's scheduled from January 9th to January 15th, 2009.

I've watched some of the trailers (when available and read the vague plot summaries) and below is my list of what I'm fuckin excited to see.

1.) Perkins 14

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: Robert Perkins builds an army of 14 people brainwashed through cult-like methods to protect him from his parents' killers. When Perkins is imprisoned, the police unwittingly unleash his followers on a small town and they've only got one thing on their mind: "Kill for Mr. Perkins."

The Jaded Viewer says: Internet hype here has been fuckin relentless. But Manson like shit hitting the fan could possibly turn this into something fun.

Trailer: None

2.) Dying Breed

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: Inspired by the legends of a 19th-century cannibal and an extinct tiger, this brutal horror-thriller centers on four friends who find out that something—or someone—murderous lurks in the rain-slogged Australian bush.

The Jaded Viewer says: Australia has been churning some bloody decent horror of late. Kills a plenty from the trailer. Could it be rednecks? Ancient spirits of evil? Killer koalas?

Trailer:





3.) From Within

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: The residents of a small American town begin to die one-by-one apparently by suicide...

The Jaded Viewer says: The Sarah Connor Chronicles cast sure makes a lot of horror movies. Looks like the Happening, but will it be without the lame ending? Because suicides are fuckin funny...err....I mean sad. My guess, the suicides are caused by killer koalas.

Trailer:





4.) Autopsy

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: A young woman tries to find her injured boyfriend in a bizzare and dangerous hospital

The Jaded Viewer says: I'm a big fan of Dr. Giggles. So if some doctors perform some unauthorized surgeries on some hipsters, who am I to argue? I also am a big fan of bonesaws.

Trailer:





5.) The Broken


(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: On a busy street in London, Gina thinks she sees herself drive past in her own car. Stunned by this strange event, Gina follows the mystery woman up to her apartment. From here, events take an eerie turn for the worse until Gina's awareness slides from solid reality into a world that will haunt more than just her nightmares.

The Jaded Viewer says: It's probably all the episodes of Sarah Connor Chronicles I;ve watcged but Lena Headey is fuckin hot. And the trailer shows her in a bathtub naked. Umm, I have no idea what this movie is about but the potential of gratuitous nudity from Sarah Connor. Score!

Trailer:





6.) Slaughter aka Faithless

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: A young woman thinks she is leaving her abusive life behind when she moves to Atlanta and ends up living at her family farm. She quickly learns that abuse comes in even crueler forms.

The Jaded Viewer says: Please let it be Luther the Geek who abuses her at the farm.

Trailer: None

7.) Voices aka Du saram-yida aka Someone Behind You

Plot: Ga-in, a smart, pretty girl who is loved by everyone, witnesses the deaths of people around her. She is then singled out as the next in line to die from the curse that has one person in each generation die at the hands of two people close to them. Ga-in searched for the truth about the curse with Suk-min, a boy who always lingers around her, and her boyfriend Heon-joong, but attacks on her life by those dearest to her, like her best friend and her mother, never cease...

The Jaded Viewer says: Thats a fucked up curse. How about if she watches the cursed videotape from the Ring? Or gets a missed call? Which curse would kill her first? Is their a curse hierarchy?

Trailer:





8.) Butterfly Effect: Revelation

(JUST REVIEWED!!! CLICK HERE FOR THE FULL REVIEW!!)

Plot: Sequel to the 2003 cult movie in which a person can change the past via remembering their forgotten memories due to blackouts.

The Jaded Viewer says: I never saw the first one, so I am hell not gonna see this one.

Trailer:






Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , perkins 14 , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, horror, gratuitous nudity, top horror movies of 2009, twitch, horror blog, the jaded viewer

Labels: 8 films to die for, after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 3, autopsy, butterfly effect revelation, dying breed, faithless, from within, perkins 14, someone behind you, the broken, voices

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

After Dark Horrorfest 2009 is shaping up to be very interesting.

It's scheduled from January 9th to January 15th, 2009.

The confirmed list of movies are below.

1.) The Broken
2.) Slaughter aka Faithless
3.) Perkins 14
4.) Butterfly Effect: Revelation
5.) From Within
6.) Dying Breed
7.) Autopsy
8.) TBD

I'm kinda psyched up Perkins 14.

For all plot summaries check out Bloody Disgusting's summary page.

Labels: 8 films to die for, after dark horrorfest 2009, autopsy, butterfly effect revelation, dying breed, faithless, from within, perkins 14, the broken

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post