the jaded viewer

The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations

The Butterfly Effect 3: Revelations (2009)

Directed by Seth Grossman

On my list of movies to see for the After Dark Horrorfest III: 2009, this movie ranked dead last on movies I wanted to see.

I never saw the original or its sequel and though I like time travel stories, I just couldn't see myself watching Ashton Kutcher in something he would ultimately fuck up.

But Revelations is Kutcher free so I figured its now safe to enter the water.

So seeing this 3rd installment is a complete shocker as its actually a tolerable, mediocre piece of filmmaking. It's isn't completely horrible and it's not critic proof brilliant. It's just average. And being average for an After Dark movie is like climbing Mount Everest.

You made it to the top!

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Sam Reed can travel back in time, and makes his living helping to identify killers to the police. The problem is that if changes anything, deliberately or accidentally, the "butterfly effect" causes history to change. When he returns to the present, things are often completely different and he has no clear memory of what happened in his new history.

His troubles begin when he "breaks the rules" by trying to help the sister of his murdered girlfriend find out who the murderer was, and ends up changing his own history. Every attempt he makes to fix the problems that occur create even worse problems, and each trip scrambles his memory even further and puts him in an even worse situation than before.

Can he solve the mystery before he loses his mind?

Awesome Review-O-Matic

I gotta admit, there's an actual ample amount of splatter and nudity in this flick which totally caught me off guard. So as the movie started off with some dude bashing a woman's head in, I was like WTF.

Sam (Chris Carmack) and Jenna (Rachel Miner, girl from Californication, Bully) are siblings and have a nice, cozy family dynamic. Seems Sam use his time travel skills to help the police solve cases so he can support his deadbeat sister. Oddly enough, the movie takes place in Detroit.

Really Detroit? White people live in Detroit? From the opening montages of some brothas playing basketball and some rundown houses, are we really suppose to believe this suburban white kid and his semi hot blonde sister live in the projects?

Who was the location producer on this? Kidding aside, there was even one scene where Sam is walking down the street and some brothas eyeing him like WTF you doing in this neighborhood?
I really think they had no idea they were filming a movie.

Anyway back to the flick, Sam loads up a bathtub full of ice and puts on some electrodes to go all Flux Capacitor.

However as his fat Doc Brown friend reminds him he has to abide by the BIG RULES which are:

1.) Never jump to into aspects of your life (personal and family) and try to change anything
2.) ONLY observe and report

But it wouldn't be much of a movie if good ole Sam abided by the rules right?

Seems Sam went back in time and saved his sister from a burning house but the laws of physics and shit say you can't do that unless you pay the reaper which of course happens as instead of his sister dying his parents die.

Later, a blast from his old cases comes in as a friend of Sam's old GF who was murdered tells Sam to investigate her case. Seems the guy who supposedly did it is on Death Row and possibly innocent.

I know what your thinking. Everytime I say Sam goes back in time your thinking Quantum Leap right? Shit people, I was thinking the same thing to. I was waiting for Sam to say: "Al, ask Ziggy what I'm here to change?" Boom! Blue light. And Sam's in a girl's body.

So the odd part of Sam's time travel is he goes back in time in his body. So when he jumps back to a point in time when he was a kid (say around the 1970s) he's in the body of of a 8 year old him.

Soon Sam is jumping in to try to save his ex. But that fucks up the timeline and creates a Pontiac serial killer. Sam leaps back and forward in time investigating whose doing the killing and each time changes the future.

So our killer is going all serial killing people with an arsenal of machinery. Chainsaws, dice and slice, etc. Seems like our time traveler just can't figure it out until it's explained to him.

Suffice it to say, you can figure out whose the Big Bad killer 30 minutes in. The ending is little bit cliched, though a nice evil touch is added at the end.

I don't want to ruin or add any spoilers so you know, I won't.

Even our killer has fun explaining the entire craziness of all the slayings by saying:

"This is so Scooby-Doo, isn't it? I would've gotten away with it if it wasn't for those meddling kids."

Butterfly Effect: Revelation is not a perfect movie, but it's a competent one. It doesn't go too far off its own logic and it moves quicky for its 90 minutes. Each of the characters have their own little job to push Sammy along to find the truth. His fat physics professor friend, the inept detectives and the big breasted waitress who he boinks all contribute to his timeline life.

Seems people like the 1st one so maybe, just maybe I'll go see that one. But I mean it has the Kutcher. But it does have the hotness that is Amy Smart. Hmmmm. Do I risk watching Ashton the douche to see a hot blonde? Tough choice.

Maybe if future me went back in time to tell me what I should do, this wouldn't be a tough choice. You hear me future me? What do I do?

Gore-ipedia

Bashed head trauma
Sliced finger trauma
Foot trauma
Sliced torso trauma
Sliced neck trauma

Nude-ipedia

Hot blonde waitress boobies (in multiple positions!)

WTF moment

The killer explaining everything (motive, involvement, plot, etc) to our man Sam

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I gotta admit, this one surprised me. I didn't know I'd actually find this "EH" instead of "ARGH".
If you like time travel or the other Butterfly Effect movies I guess you can watch this one.

If you ever go back in time, tell the After Dark commitee to stop making movies. Please.

Rating:

Trailer:










Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , butterfly effect revelations , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, horror, gratuitous nudity, top horror movies of 2009, butterfly effect revelations review, after dark horrorfest 3 2009 reviews, the jaded viewer

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest boxset, butterfly effect, butterfly effect revelation, butterfly effect revelation review, time travel

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

You know how much the After Dark Horrorfest III 2009 box set actually cost? $112!!!
Get the fuck outta here.

You might as well spend that dough on a hooker. At least you know you're getting ripped off.

In any case, as you know I've been reviewing all of these movies for your benefit so you can get an idea of what you may be getting into. It's just one man's jaded viewer opinion but honestly they all pretty much suck. What did you expect...a good film? Maye something awesome like Frontiere(s) or Mulberry Street?

Don't believe the hype. It's mediocre-ville bordering in suckyburg in this year's After Dark Horrorfest.

So UGO.com was happy to take my reviews plus add their own and make a nice PG-13 mini DVD review of the flicks.

You can check out all the reviews by going here.

Don't say I didn't warn you.

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, after dark horrorfest boxset, horrorfest, miss horrorfest, ugo.com

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Slaughter

Slaughter (2009)

Directed by Stewart Hopewell

More boring than continental drift, comes Slaughter, a movie that makes it a point to expose you with boring gas for 90 or so straight minutes. I can usually take pointless horror films, because honestly I’ve seen worse. But Slaughter takes a while to heat up and at that point you don’t care.

The story revolves around a young woman who is looking to escape her abusive boyfriend by moving to a friend's farm near Atlanta. Her new friend is a slutty goldigger but as our final girl soon discovers something sinister with her friend’s family.

There a few twists and turns, something Ed Wood would be proud of. But by the end you want to be slaughtered yourself. Don’t kid yourself. You’ve seen this movie before. It was called High Tension (but without the twist). It was trying to mimic that Eli Roth feel but when your characters are blah and your plot is non existent, it all turns into a mess. And for a movie that calls itself Slaughter, you’d think there would be more scenes of that.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Crazy dental surgery
Hanging
Gunshot to the stomach

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Women in tight t-shirts

WTF moment

No way was this based on a true story

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

I knew there was a reason this was #6 on my must watch After Dark Horrorfest movies of 2009.
Because I knew it was sucked. Was the Butterfly Effect better than this? Jeezus, it might actually have been.


Rating:
The Trailer





Tags:
after dark horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 , slaughter , 8 films to die for, horrorfest, after dark horrorfest 2009 trailers, slaughter review, gratuitous nudity, horror movies of 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews,

Labels: 8 films to die for, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2009, after dark horrorfest 2009 reviews, after dark horrorfest 3, after dark horrorfest boxset, slaughter, slaughter review

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Evil Adam wrote up some reviews for UGO.com for the other 4 After Dark Horrorfest movies from 2007.

As I've been tortured enough by the horror-crap of this entire boxset, his reviews are outright dead on and hilariously twisted.

Check out the reviews for The Deaths of Ian Stone and Unearthed below.

The Deaths of Ian Stone

The Deaths of Ian Stone (2007)

Directed by Dario Piana

Ever get to a point in your movie viewing life where you think to yourself "I've seen it all!" Ever watch a movie and think to yourself "Whoever saw this movie, has seen them all and turned the leftovers into this film."

If not, then The Deaths of Ian Stone is for you.

Read more.

Unearthed

Unearthed (2007)

Directed by Matthew Leutwyler

Consistency is not something we are always accustomed to. Sometimes it is welcome and sometimes it really is not. Ok, so maybe I'm being vague, but here it comes. Bad acting, bad editing, bad sound cues that are supposed to scare you, horrible visual effects, lighting that would only work if everyone was wearing glow in the dark paint, and terrible writing make this one consistent film.

I really hope I didn't blow it all for you with that barrage, but it needed to be said. Of all the films from the After Dark Horrorfest 8 Films to Die For banner, this may be the one that is the most devoid of quality. How do I even begin to destroy the film? Read more.

My review of Mulberry Street posted here originally is also up on UGO.com.

Click here to check it out.

Reviews of Nightmare Man and Lake Dead coming soon!

Tags:
the deaths of ian stone, unearthed , unearthed review , the deaths of ian stone review, ugo , after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2008, horrofest

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark horrorfest 2008, after dark horrorfest boxset, the deaths of ian stone, unearthed

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:37 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Borderland

Borderland (2007)

Directed by Zev Berman

When the climax of your opening scene is ocular trauma, you’ve pretty much hooked me, no questions asked. And that’s how Borderland starts and continues until its chaotic, bloody end and in doing so makes it the best movie of the After Dark Horrorfest.
The story is about three high school grads Ed (Jake Muxworthy) our reluctant hero, Phil (Rider Strong “Cabin Fever”) our oversexed third wheel and Henry (Brian Presley) the cocky a**hole. They decide to head to Mexico to sow their oats before they all go off to college. Road trip anyone?

But what separates this movie becoming from a Texas Chainsaw Massacre remake or Hostel or Turistas, is the realism director Zev Berman injects into every aspect of the movie. The scenes of the border Mexican town are lively and chilling. The scenery is filled with docu-style visuals establishing 2 worlds, one where tourists visit and an underground where nobody dares speak of.

After Phil has an awkward situation with a Mexican “Kristen”, Ed meets a sexy, feisty bartender named Valeria. And that’s when the tourist world ends.

Soon after, one of them gets kidnapped by a drug cartel. But this is not an ordinary smuggling ring. They are a black magic obsessed drug dealers who believe that human sacrifice enables them to become “invisible” from authorities.

The 2 other gringos ask the authorities for help but are shunned. Instead they meet Ulises an ex cop who tells them about the cult, their location and agrees to help them free their friend.

The real surprise that had me shaking my head was Sean Astin (Rudy, LOTR) in a mind bending, defining role. As Randall, the unlikely American who keeps an eye on the hostage, Astin plays an evil, maniac brute. It’s an outstanding performance by Astin who plays this character to perfection.

With these stellar performances, we get our fill of gore and more gore. Arm chopping, machete splitting and some gruesome beheadings. These all are from our brainwashed cult members and our step up to the plate hero, Ed. The final scenes are frenetically paced, with a few good moments of suspense and an all out bullet ridden shootout finale.

Borderland works as both a crime thriller and horror movie that it actually raises both parts to ingenious levels. It’s stark realism and because it’s loosely tied to a true story that occurred in 1989 give it that truthiness feel. Borderland does not skimp out on the splatter, diligently gives us pieces to a horrific crime and creates a movie that has no definitive genre, making it borderless. That’s why it’s the perfect and best of all the Horrofest movies.

The Extras:

The extras are on this DVD are as good as it gets. There are only 2 features but both are great. The first is Inside Zev’s Head: A Filmmaker’s Diary. At 20 minutes, it’s a great day to day behind the scenes documentary of the making of the movie. Here you get to hear Zev Berman on his inspiration for the film, the on the set problems and his philosophy on making movies.

The other feature is Rituales de Sangre – The True Story Behind the Cult Murder Investigation. This 28 minute feature focuses on an interview with George Gavito, a former Deputy Sheriff from the Brownsville, Texas police. He gives a first hand account of the true crime and the investigation that followed. It was totally mesmerizing experience as they showed real footage of the Mexican ranch where these human sacrifice murders occurred. The amateur video also shows the men who carried out these crimes and the aftermath by Mexican Federales to take down the cult leader of the group.

There is also audio commentary with the director Zev Berman, actor Brian Presley, Director of Photography Scott Kevan and Producer Lauren Moews.

Included in all of the After Dark Horrorfest DVDs are the Miss Horrorfest Contest webisodes. Think Surreal Life meets the Misfits. It’s a VH1 version of the Suicide Girls.

Rating:

The Trailer:



Tags:
borderland, borderland horror movie trailer , mexico border town , zev berman, border land , after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2008, horrofest

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark horrorfest 2008, after dark horrorfest boxset, borderland, borderland horror movie, borderland review, zev berman

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Tooth and Nail

Tooth and Nail (2007)

Directed by Mark Young

“Laws are the only things that separate us from savagery. Because the beast is there inside all of us watching…waiting. When civilization is no longer there to protect us, when the beast is the only thing standing between us and death, we will absolutely fight tooth and nail to survive.”

I love when they mention the title of the movie in narrated dialogue. Doesn’t it always justify a cool sounding title? But in this case, it’s really just filler for a mediocre stab and jab movie.

A couple of questions popped into my head after watching Tooth and Nails.

Why does post apocalyptic Philadelphia look like modern day Philadelphia?

So when the world runs out of gas we somehow turn into blood thirsty cannibals?

Can an abandoned hospital setting dictate every scene in your movie?

Well the answer to that last question is yes. And that’s the setting of Tooth and Nails.
So if you were looking for a Mad Max America, you’re out of luck dude.

When the world runs out of gas in 2012, the world is consumed into anarchy; chaos and destruction the opening narration tell us. Smart survivors all head south but a few remain behind in good ole Philly (really? Philly?) We meet a group of survivors who are living in an abandoned hospital who are intent on rebuilding society.

Director Mark Young wasn’t being very subtle with his car/gas analogy. The characters are initially intriguing as they all have car like names. We meet Ford (Rider Strong, “Cabin Fever”) who is the loose cannon of the group, Viper (Michael Kelly) the muscle, Torino (Alexandra Barreto) the sexy vixen, Nova (Emily Young) the mute kid, Darwin (Robert Carradine) the professor and de facto leader and finally Dakota (Nicole DuPort) our Buffy-ish heroine.

They rescue a young girl Neon (Rachel Miner, “Penny Dreadful”) who has been attacked by “Rovers” who are packs of humans that have turned to cannibalism to survive in this hellish doomsday world. Neon tells them the Rovers have murdered her family. The Rovers wait until night to hunt their prey but only kill one at a time so their meat is fresh. Of course this begs the question, why don’t they just capture all of them and just lock em up. But then you wouldn’t get 90 minutes of stalk, hide, stab/shoot, run.

As the story progresses, our little 90210 group gets picked off one by one by the Rovers. Included in this group is Mr. Blonde himself Michael Madsen and Vinnie Jones in various extended cameos. The Rovers are of course dressed in your standard issue Mad Max, Road Warrior, Hills Have Eyes attire. They are also armed to the teeth with a variety of weapons that were picked up at the Medieval Times gift shop.

And there you have it. The gore factor kills are a plenty but sort of predictable and boring. Hatchet chopping, cleaver through the head, sliced throats, spear through the chest, arrow in the eye, acid dissolving face and battle axe through the head (not necessarily in that order).

There are some added sex scenes that seem very out of place (but alas because it is a horror movie they do have to follow some “Scream” rules). As the group fights for survival, an obvious twist is inserted that can only be summed up by one word: Yawn.

We conclude with Dakota outsmarting the Waterworld rejects and in an out of character bizzaro finale she goes all Braveheart on the remaining Rovers.

Logic here is totally thrown out the window and this movie should have been as well. The movie never defines what it wanted to be. I watched a Discovery channel show about the possibility of the world running out of gas and it was never this dire. Are we to believe that when we can’t fill our SUV’s anymore, we will become all become Dahmers in waiting?

Tooth and Nail is so preposterous its only redeemable value is that it’s MST3K worthy. So if you’re looking for a post apocalyptic world filled with cannibal hunters, go rent the cult classics instead. You’ll be spared this tooth and nail torture.

The Extras:

Included in all of the After Dark Horrorfest DVDs are the Miss Horrorfest Contest webisodes. Think Surreal Life meets the Misfits. It’s a VH1 version of the Suicide Girls.

Rating:

1/2

The Trailer:



Tags:
tooth and nail, tooth and nail horror movie trailer , rachel miner , cannibals post apocalyptic horror, michael madsen and vinnie jones , after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark, after dark horrorfest 2008, horrofest

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark horrorfest boxset, michael madsen, rachel miner, tooth and nail, tooth and nail horror, tooth and nail review, tooth and nail trailer

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:19 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Crazy Eights

Labels: after dark horrorfest 2007, after dark horrorfest 2008, after dark horrorfest boxset, crazy eights, dina meyer, frank whaley, miss horrorfest, traci lords

Posted by the jaded viewer at 11:52 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post