Thursday, January 07, 2010

Top 10 Horror Movies of 2009 (#1-10)

Well here it is. My Top Horror Movies of 2009! Sorry for taking so long to get this posted but I had to catch up on some of the movies I missed this year. I usually look at other people's lists and watch the movies that others claimed were the best. If I didn't, I would have missed a few sleepers and some hidden gems.

So this year's edition is a "fat as Texas" edition. I'm not just posting a top 10 list but adding #11-20 as well. If you missed #11-20 click here. This list from #11-20 you'll be surprised to find has many of the movies that can be found on the horrorsphere's Top 10 lists. I had a different take on what was considered "the best" this year and my picks are totally abnormal from everybody else. I'm just quirky that way.

First some fun facts and sidenotes!
  • Though some of these movies came out in 2008, I label any movie that got wide releases or DVD releases in 2009 as coming out in 2009.
  • It's a mix of STV, indie horror and box office elephants.
  • Here are the movies I didn't see yet: Anti Christ, Cold Prey, Infestation, 36 Pasos, Jennifer's Body, The Last House on the Left, Rec 2, The Descent 2 and countless others
  • 3 films that almost made the list that now get the Honorable Mentions tag: The Burrowers (2 spinkicks), Carriers (2 and half spinkicks), Bad Biology (2 and half spinkicks)
  • The 20 films broken down by country: USA = 13, UK=1, France =1, Korea =1, Canada=2, Norway=1, Sweden=1
  • The 20 films broken down by spinkick rating: 4 spinkicks=3, 3 and a 1/2 spinkicks= 2, 3 spinkicks=10, 2 spinkicks and a half=1, 2 spinkicks=4
  • To read the entire review of the film click on the title.
  • 4 spinkicks didn't necessarily guarantee you a higher place on the list.
So what did 2009 offer us in the world of horror?
  • Shaky cam/POV horror makes a comeback that nobody saw coming
  • All of Hollywood's remakes sucked and all were big giant turds
  • The whispering killer kid movies stormed into the mainstream and excelled
  • Zombie movies still packed a punch but vampire movies ruled the horror universe
  • Long awaited movies made their much awaited DVD premieres
  • My #1 movie is again not from the USA
Let's get to the list! Here is #10 to #1.

10.) Zombieland (3 spinkicks)

Zombieland is the only big blockbuster box office elephant in the top 10 and its one of the best zombie comedy movies to come out since Shaun of the Dead.

The "rules", Woody, the Bill Murray cameo and the zombie kill carnage are all top notch and so much fun.

To think this could have been a TV series is unbelievable as it works so perfectly as a movie. My favorite rules were "Double Tap" and "Enjoy the Little Things"

And there were a ton of little things in Zombieland that I highly enjoyed.

Read the full review here.


9.) Header (3 spinkicks and half)

Header was released by Synapse on DVD in 2009 which is why it qualifies as 2009. But why is a movie you've never heard of ranked #9 on my list?

Because of the title. What the hell is a header?

I can't tell you or it would ruin the entire movie. Let's just say Header is filled with a redneck Hatfields and McCoys war, moonshine and some of the most fucked up shit I've ever seen.

Header is the best underground horror movie of the 21st century. If you decide to cowboy up and watch Header, you are a fuckin sicko. A disturbed, fucked up individual.

And in doing so, you will be initiated into the elite club of having seen one of the most fucked up films ever made. Welcome to the club.

Read the full review here.

8.) Laid to Rest (3 spinkicks)

Our new slasher on the block Chromeskull will be remembered for his style, his knife and his damn sicko looking mask.

Laid to Rest is the best techno slasher movie of the 21st century. If Hatchet was old school American horror, Laid to Rest is new school American horror.

What Robert Hall has created here is purely an homage to all the slashers films that have come before. It's also a pure millennium based slasher film that is so sly and witty and full of top notch splatter and gore we all need to give him a standing O.

Laid to Rest should be seen if you call yourself a horror fan. It's easily one of the best horror movies of 2009.

Read the full review here
.

7.) Pontypool (3 spinkicks)

Pontypool has been making many Top 10 lists and I'm adding it to mine.

Pontypool was a totally different type of pretzel I've never seen before.

It's an actually intelligent virus turning the masses into a bunch of crazies type movie that can be perceived in many ways. Is it a satire of censorship? A commentary on geopoliticalisms? Or is it just a suspense driven horror film to scare the crap out of you.

Well, it's all 3 and so much more.

You'll dread you speak the English language.

Read the full review here.

6.) Let the Right One In (3 spinkicks)

I had said I wanted to put this on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008, but I kinda watched it too late. As technically we all saw this on DVD in 2009, it cements itself here at #6.

Dump more praise on the Let the Right One In bandwagon.

A movie about a 12 year old girl engulfed in vampire lore is so full of innocence and dramatic despair that it's more emotional and more touching then seeing some vampire teens whining about their iPods.

More importantly, this movie is about loneliness and the connections we have in our lives.Plus seeing a 12 year old vamp suck blood seems kinda sick and awesome at the same time.

Read the full review here.

5.) Trick R Treat (4 spinkicks)

A top 10 list is not complete without having Trick R Treat on it right?

One of the best anthologies to come out in a while, this creative and unique Halloween themed campfire tales was the perfect movie to see on October 31st.

Trick 'R Treat is the best Halloween movie since Halloween. For an anthology collection, it ranks right up there with Creepshow and Tales from the Crypt.

You wonder why nobody makes movies like these anymore. I'm going all Nostradamus here but I think TRT will spawn more anthology horror movies and either that's a good thing or a poisoned candy apple.

And who can forget our new "what the hell is he?" rookie slasher of the year: Sam. One of the most scariest WTF killers to come on the horrorverse in quite a long time.

Trick R Treat was hyped and lived it up. BOO!

Read the full review here.

4.) Black Devil Doll (4 spinkicks)

The moment after I saw Black Devil Doll, it was guaranteed a spot on my Top 10 list. Think blaxsploitation, slasher flick, Skinemax and comedy all thrown into a blender and your waxing your carrot while waiting.

That's Black Devil Doll.

Black Devil Doll is the apex of all modern day blaxploitation movies, filled with sleazy humor, tons of nudity and splatter happy gore. Harking back to the old grimy and sticky Times Square grindhouse days, Black Devil Doll is a tour de force of debauchery, insanity and nudity.

And it has a Muthafuckin Puppet!

Read the full review here
.

3.) Deadgirl (3 and a half spinkicks)

Deadgirl is like a depraved, warped up horror version of Stand by Me. Think an indie film with a horror element Romero-ed into it. Such is the beauty and the chill sicko-ness of Deadgirl, definitely one of the top 10 horror movies of 2009.

I've seen films where as I'm watching I feel really ashamed to be seeing this. Deadgirl so disturbing yet highly provocative that at the end you feel dirty, kinda ugh and your definitely not Jersey Shore fist pumping in the air. But when a movie like this comes along, you have to give it a standing O.

Read the full review here.



2.) Thirst (4 spinkicks)

I watched Thirst at the end of the year. It was one of those "its on a lot of Best of lists" so before I lock down my list, I needed to see this. And what did it do?

It knocked some good movies out of the Top 10 and flew up to #2. Now that says a lot doesn't it?

Chan-wook Park's Thirst is more than a vampire movie it's a morality tale of how absolute power can corrupt absolutely. It has so many layers, that each of the 3 separate acts could have been turned into their own movie.

Chan-wook Park established himself with his Vengeance Trilogy. Those movies revolutionized the action genre. With Thirst he's done it again. The horror genre will never be the same.

Read the full review here.

1.) Martyrs (3 spinkicks)

Yup. Another French movie is #1 on my list for the 2nd year in a row. Lo and behold the fuckedupness that is Martyrs. It's the most controversial, I loved it-I hated it, film of 2009. From every voice in the horror world, nobody can stop talking about this film.

I came down on the "I absolutely LOVED it" side. Why?
Martyrs has sort of created a new subgenre of horror. Uber-surreal torture-core.

It's a twisblended hybrid of the Argentoism, pure unrelenting grindy torture-core and horror taken to a transcendent level.

That's not to say I didn't have my gripes. It's almost pointless at times until you get to the end and figure what the whole thing is about. For 100 minutes, if you take the visceral challenge, you may have been a martyr yourself.

The ending is an absolute marathon to watch but when you see the finish line and finally realize what the whole thing was about, you begin to think back on everything you just witnessed. Some have said it's absolutely pointless, I beg to differ.

The definition of Martyr is "to witness". And after seeing this movie, you feel like Anna in the movie. It's a transcendent horror movie, one that makes us endure the most horrific scenes I've ever seen and than drops a bombshell and says it's all for the better good.

To witness Martyrs is to challenge yourself and to think about the endless possibilities of existence. And for that experience, it's my #1 horror movie of 2009.

the jaded viewer related linkage:

Top Horror Movies of 2009 (#11-20)
The Best Quotey Quotables from the Worst Movies I saw in 2009

****************************************************

OK, I know you horror minions have your 2 cents. So go ahead and let me have it. Throw that smelly poop at me or if on the off chance you partially agreed on some of my picks, send me that love. Chime in and let me know what you think.

This list of the Top 20 Horror Movies of 2009 also is an opportunity to see the movies you may have missed that made many of the best of 2009 within the horror community. We all missed a few flicks here and there. I hope you all give all of these movies a chance and then come back and let me know what's the what.

Next up: The Best Horror Movies of 2009 (A compilation from the horrorsphere)


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Tuesday, September 15, 2009

Black Devil Doll (Book Review)

Black Devil Doll (Book Review)

"Black Devil Doll" Novel

Directed by Jonathan Lewis (movie)
Written by Stephen Romano

Read my review of the movie.

Read my review of the DVD.

OK to complete the trifecta, below is a brief review of the book. Yes, there is a novelization of the most infamous, modern day cult classic and it adds more flavor to an already awesome movie.

If you've already seen the movie, lets just list what's been extended in the novel.

1.) More backstory of Mubia Abuj Jama
2.) More backstory of the ho's (all of em..you know its your standard prostitute/whore descriptions)
3.) The novel's POV is from a Professor Julian Krantz (Jama's white intellectual bitch)
4.) More backstory of White T
5.) More story about how Jama's life in hell and how he came to be in the Black Devil doll
6.) 18 pages of the final shootout between Heather and the Black Devil Doll (hehehehe)
7.) More backstory of cops and drug dealers on the streets of Oakland
8.) More Black Devil thought monologues
9.) A new extended ending! (with a twist!)
10.) Extended Oakland Fried Chicken scene

There's more and more in these 150 or so pages. It's still got that twisted fuck up feel and it's quite hilarious. Romano keeps the same fuckupness in the book as whats in the movie and goes more deeper and thrusts some grime and dirt into his style.

It was odd watching the movie, then reading a book about it but it still worked. If you're looking to extend your blaxploitation yumminess, the novel doesn't disappoint.

Plus we get what's to come on the very last page. Yay.

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Monday, September 07, 2009

Black Devil Doll (DVD Review)

Black Devil Doll

Black Devil Doll (2009)

Directed by Jonathan Lewis
Written by Shawn Lewis/Mitch Mayes

As I've already reviewed the movie, this is a review of the DVD that comes out on October 27th.

To read my full review motherfucka go here.

Thanks to Shawn Lewis, the producer of Black Devil Doll for sending me an advanced copy, I can tell you that the DVD kicks motherfuckin ass.

First, don't pirate or torrent independent horror cinema DVDs like the opening cartoon says. Just don't ok?

Why? Because you will miss out on the DVD insulting you. Holy shit! I'm not shitting you. It said to get my lazy ass and press play. Fuckin brillant!

So what's in this motherfucker?
  • You get the movie (unrated, uncut and uncensored)
Extras include the following:
  • Black Devil Doll Commentary
  • Cast Commentary (includes H. Murphy, N. Talonz, Precious Cox, E. Branick and Martin Boone)
  • Crew Commentary (Director Shawn Lewis, Producer Shawn Lewis and cowriter Mitchell Mayes)
  • Technical Commentary (DOP, Editor and Production Designer)
  • Audience reaction track from the BDD premiere at the New Beverly in Hollwood, CA
  • Fan Commentary (hardcore Black Devil Doll fans)
  • Photo gallery includes production and publicity photos (set to some cheesy elevator music)
  • Trailers
  • Videos of the Hollywood premiere, convention clip intro and a Netherworld Videozine interview (which has a funny interview with the Black Devil Doll himself!)
  • Awesome animation cartoons from the movie including "Obama meets the KKK"
Black Devil Doll Commentary

OMG. This is the first extra I decided to watch because shit! it's Black Devil Doll commentary. Hilarious. BDD talks about titties, makes fun of the cast and drinks heavily throughout the commentary. He also talks about every violation he did to his costar Heather Murphy and her "bleached asshole". WTF! HAHAHA!

He starts to bitch about not being paid by the producers but gets distracted easily by all the scenes. There's even some quips about Michael Jackson and stunt doubles. Lot of the awesome off color, insanely raunchy and funnytastic rants from the Black Devil Doll you'd expect. It's almost as good as the movie.

I haven't listened to all the commentaries but I except the Lewis Brothers and Osteen one to be quite hilarious as well.

Videos

Great video extras of the premiere and an interview with Netherworld Videozine with Netherworld Videozine's Glenn "Diablo" MacNeil. Just funny shit through and through.

Other Extras Shit

As I said before, all the little animations are awesome. Obama meets the KKK is a good chuckle as well as the pirate bootlegging one.

You also get a nice poster/booklet and an intro from Professor Julian Krantz, who describes the importance of the cultural impact and importance of "Black Devil Doll".

It's one great DVD that the whole family can enjoy. Black Devil Doll, so far is the best movie of 2009. It's everything you'd hope it could be, would be and more. And here's the best part. We are going to get a sequel. Black Devil Doll 2 is coming. You just have to look up at night and see the beauty of space and Uranus.

Here's the official PR release from the BDD official site.

You can FINALLY pre-order your Black Devil Doll DVD’s! Pre-Order now while the PRICE IS LOW! Only $18.95 each, 1st class shipping INCLUDED in the price!

The Black Devil Doll DVD’s will be shipping to you on October 20th 2009 first class mail! Credit Cards will not be charged until October 19th.

And the Black Devil Doll Soundtrack CD’s, Autographed Novels, Shirts, Posters, and other shit are ready for sale too! Get your ass to the site, click on SHOP ONLINE, and Order Now!

The official site: http://www.blackdevildoll.com

Other Newz:

-Be sure to pick up the latest issue of Rue Morgue Magazine. Issue number #93 features a great article on Black Devil Doll from The Gore-Met!

-Rotten Cotton was just updated! Order some new shirts so daddy can eat! Just click on NEWZ for the details: http://www.rottencotton.com

-Our partners in FILTH, Box Office Spectaculars, to release ‘SCUM OF THE EARTH’! Box Office Spectaculars is preparing a special edition DVD release of SCUM OF THE EARTH, the notorious redneck exploitation hit from cult horror director S.F. Brownrigg (DON’T LOOK IN THE BASEMENT).
More details here: http://hardfeelings.wordpress.com/
The trailer here: http://www.grindhousereleasing.com/scum_tlr_lg.html

-Brawlin’ Broads 2 is coming soon! Make sure you check out http://www.theboonebrothers.com/ for their kick-ass weekly booze-fueled podcast and news on Brawlin’ Broads DVD’s!

-Please join our Facebook Group and follow us on Twitter!
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=204426665572&ref=nf
http://twitter.com/blackdevildoll

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Thursday, September 03, 2009

Black (Trailer)

As I eagerly wait for promo materials for Black Dynamite, I'm getting into a jive motherfucka mood by reading the novelization of Black Devil Doll (book review to come soon!) and by watching a French blaxploitation trailer called Black.

Yup. I did say French blaxploitation.

Directed by Pierre Laffargue and starring MC Jean Gab'1 (he was in District B-13) it's got all the elements of The Man, stolen diamonds and our star Black, who is one tough motherfucker.

Here be the plot.

When his Parisian armored car holdup goes horribly awry, our protagonist Black needs to go on the lam. News from his cousin in Senegal about a stash of uncut diamonds in a poorly guarded bank in Dakar hatches the plan to go on a working vacation that involves a little sightseeing and a lot of mayhem.

Check out the trailer below.




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Monday, August 03, 2009

Black Devil Doll (Review)

Black Devil Doll

Black Devil Doll (2009)

Directed by Jonathan Lewis
Written by Shawn Lewis/Mitch Mayes

He's a mothafuckin' Puppet!!!!

If you've been following the jaded viewer, you know I've been hyping the fuckin shit out this movie for a while now.

I posted the trailer back in August of last year and been giving updates on the on and off DVD release. So after much hoopla, hype and uber buzz, it was no question, I would watch the NYC theatrical premiere last Friday with a bunch of other fucked up New Yorkers in a semi packed theater.

And it's exactly the right setting to have seen it at. The special screening was at midnight, (of course!) and the crowd was a mixed bag of hardcore 'sploitation fans, movie genre fans and some manofest white and black brothas who just wanted to see some funny ass shit. There was some yelling, screaming and tons of laughs. The audience participation was as funny as the movie. One dude yelled out "How'd he get outside so fast?" questioning the logic of the flick. I turned to Insano Steve and said, "Wow I was thinking that too but whom am I to question logic in a flick about a fuckin possessed black devil doll killing Caucasian women?"

And we did see some funny ass shit. And barring a fuckin nuclear apocalypse, Black Devil Doll is going to end up as my #1 best movie of 2009.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

(From the official site)

A young, moist, buxom teen vixen finds herself hurled into an odyssey of forbidden sex and unspeakable violence after an innocent evening dabbling in the occult. What started as a simple child's game has now become a fight for her life! What is this evil that she has summoned from beyond? And why does it have a fro? What kind of horrific acts will she be subjected to? And what price will her super-hot, half-nude friends have to pay?
But more importantly, how much Caucasian blood will have to be shed to stop....the BLACK DEVIL DOLL?!!"

Awesome Review-O-Matic

So if you haven't heard of this flick, you must have been in a cave in North Dakota. The trailer spread like fire on the interweb and was a masterpiece in itself. The big question for the movie was could it live up to the mega hype it was getting.

There is no fuckin doubt it does.

From a hilarious animated opening MPAA credit sequence to the closing credit "Oakland Fried Chicken" scene, the movie is filled with so much insanity, you might as well check into the Bellvue psych ward after viewing it.

But let's get into the breasts, thighs and legs of this flick first (pun so fuckin intended). We'll get to the voluptious vixens in a sec, let's first talk about the irrelevant plot. Our wise ass jiving motherfuckin hero is Mubia Abul-Jama, an ex Black Panther whose been sentenced to death for killing 15 Caucasian women. He gets reincarnated into a "ventrickelist" dummy, complete with awesome fro and black fist power t-shirt.

Heather, a E cup hottie soon falls for our hero and they are in relationship mode complete with ice cream at the park strolls, swings and slide fun, picnics and puppet-human grunt-a-thons. It's one of the most hilarious, very aware cliche mockeries I've ever seen. But it gets into much more than that.

Black Devil Doll takes the mild Team America puppet sex scene to a more extreme level, where reactions from our doll make Ole English 40 come out of your nose. Think of the most basic porn movie, all the multiple positions. Got it? Now think of that with a fuckin black devil doll puppet.

Heather's ex-boyfriend, White T also makes an appearance. A "Wigga" in the truest sense of the word. Jealous and bent on capping that midget fool, he comes into play in a major scene later on. But let's get to the good shit right?

Soon Heather has her friends over who arrive and take a car wash scene music video to a next level. Natasha, Candi, Buffy and Bambi are the sexiest of the ho's from the neighborhood and as dumb as bricks. Soon we get some "show me some boobies" and gratuitous Twister to show off their awesome "assets". The sexploitation oozes out for all of us to see, it all oozes out of our doll.

But the movie goes down a more hilarious fucked up road. Filled with fart and bowel movement jokes, sleazy racial derogatory comments and women taking showers and baths, it's also self aware. Whatever you were thinking, our black devil doll is also thinking and telling the audience. It's so clever in its intelligence to break the 4th wall it might have been overlooked on first viewing.

This is partially a horror movie and so the kill scenes are as patently offensive as all the others. Our anti-hero soon dispatches of our hotties in cruel and unusual ways. Rejoice gorehounds! There is plenty of sliced throats, bashed heads and anal rape scenes for you to enjoy.

Yes I said it. Anal fuckin rape. A climactic kill scene has a man get anally raped and then tossed some menthols (what else would it be) Can that actually be topped? Oh fuck yeah. Later, we get more dummy doll-human boink-a-thons that no doubt have corrupted your already jaded cerebral. More multiple positions, more "salad tossing", more "golden showers". Yes horror kin, it goes for the fuckin trifecta of sleaze.

I am leaving so much out that it's best to see with your blaxploitation virginity intact. Never have a I seen a movie where shock scene after shock scene, I was falling off the chair. Having seen Bruno, you can get that feeling of uncomfortableness and nervous laughter. In Black Devil Doll, there was none of that. It's perfectly set up to have you shout "OHHHHH SHIT!!!" and "NOW THAT'S WHAT I'M FUCKIN TALKING ABOUT".

No doubt this movie was shot on a shoe string, but the quality of the movie is not a YouTube amateur wannabe filmmaker. Jonathan Lewis and company made solid quality high tech effects, from the splatterific gore to the "Negroscope" vision (and you don't need Real D 3D glasses for it). Working on so many levels, even the bad acting has to be considered part of the movie.

Black Devil Doll is the apex of all modern day blaxploitation movies, filled with sleazy humor, tons of nudity and splatter happy gore. Harking back to the old grimy and sticky Times Square grindhouse days, Black Devil Doll is a tour de force of debauchery, insanity and nudity.

(I love when critics use the overused term "tour de force")

Many movies claim to try to go and remake or reboot the grindhouse/exploitation glory days. We've seen the shit Hollywood comes out with to Cha Ching money to the bank. PG-13 exploitation might be good enough for tweens, but it's not the malt liquor we hardcore horror fans want.

When a movie like Bruno is the supposed most offensive of its time, out comes a movie from the indie underground like Black Devil Doll to say "FUCK YOU BITCH! I'm the motherfuckin pimp of pimps."


I couldn't say it better myself. Actually I did say it.

Gore-ipedia

Sliced throats
Bashed Heads
Golden Showers
Shit (yup shit)

Nude-ipedia

Really? Do I need to actually write this list? There is so much nudity in BDD, if you blinked you might have missed some titties.

WTF moment

THE ENTIRE FUCKIN FILM

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

You need to see this movie. That's it. It's a must fuckin see. If you call yourself a horror fan, it's the hidden secret everybody has been talking about.

The film has ended it's theatrical run but comes out on DVD on October 27th. Preorder is on Oct 2nd. Also being released is a tie in novel. You can go here for more information.

As the unrated trailer warns: "If the thought of a wayard white woman having sexual relations with a demonic jive ass black puppet offends you, DO NOT SEE Black Devil Doll..."

The rest of you, go see this bad ass, crazy muthafuckin movie.

Rating:



Check out the Rated R trailer.




See the unrated, uncensored trailer on the official site.


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