a jaded viewer reviews the world of horror, splatter, gore, cult, grindhouse, trash, b-movie, erotica, indie, asian and exploitation films
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
5150 Elm's Way (Trailer)
Courtesy of Bloody Disgusting comes this little French-Canadian psychological horror mind f*ck of a film. After watching the trailer, it has the feel of Inside and a mix of Funny Games. Something just resonated and impulsed me to put up the trailer.
Here be the plot.
5150 ELM'S WAY is located at the end of a quiet street in a small town. When Yannick fell off his bike, he knocked at the door of the Beaulieu residence so he could clean the blood off his hands. But Jack Beaulieu and his family had other plans for Ian. Beaulieu is a righteous psychopath and fanatic chess player who wants to rid the world of evil. And even though Ian has done nothing wrong, he is beaten, tortured and tormented before Beaulieu makes him an offer: win at chess and he is free to go. And so Ian is now a pawn in Beaulieu 's game. A game in which he will either lose his mind or his life.
When you're me, you think you've seen every kind of horror film ever made. Especially when it comes to zombie films. So when I went to go see Pontypool, I figured I'd be seeing another variation of The Signal or Pulse or 28 Days Later. You know, that old run of the mill story of zombies hordes attacking stereotypical survivors trapped in a confined space.
But I was shocked that Pontypool was a totally different type of pretzel I've never seen before.
It's an actually intelligent virus turning the masses into a bunch of crazies type movie that can be perceived in many ways. Is it a satire of censorship? A commentary on geopoliticalisms? Or is it just a suspense driven horror film to scare the crap out of you.
Well, it's all 3 and so much more.
Pontypool is definitely this years The Signal (which I ranked #3 on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008). Yes, Virginia you can make a movie about a virus gone awry and make it thought provoking and clever. We can thank the Canadians for making that. Hollywood hasn't done this in years. Even the great George A. Romero can't satire zombies in an intelligent way. Jeez.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
Shock jock Grant Mazzy has, once again, been kicked-off the Big City airwaves and now the only job he can get is the early morning show at CLSY Radio in the small town of Pontypool which broadcasts from the basement of the small town's only church. What begins as another boring day of school bus cancellations, due to yet another massive snow storm, quickly turns deadly. Bizarre reports start piling in of people developing strange speech patterns and evoking horrendous acts of violence. But there's nothing coming in on the news wires. So... is this really happening? Before long, Grant and the small staff at CLSY find themselves trapped in the radio station as they discover that this insane behavior taking over the town is being caused by a deadly virus being spread through the English language itself.
Do they stay on the air in the hopes of being rescued or, are they in fact providing the virus with its ultimate leap over the airwaves and into the world?
Awesome Review-O-Matic
You would think a movie that takes place in one area (a radio station) and that relies at length on the dialogue would be a dull movie. However, it's the constant setting of a church basement radio station that makes for a good case of clausterphobia run amok. And it's a kudos to the actors whose performances mesmerize you with their voices.
With the recent swine flu outbreak, it's fitting that we'd see a movie that is about how the media would react to a killer virus. Lets see what have we learned? First, panic everybody. Second, panic some more. Third, try to verify the information and gather patients or eyewitnesses to shed some light on the outbreak. Finally, offer advice that leads to more panic.
This is pretty much how Pontypool goes about covering a weird outbreak in the small Canadian town of Pontypool. Grant Mazzy (Stephen McHattie) is a semi Imus clone, outspoken brash and Chomsky-ish. He wants to talk the talk but is forced by his producer Sydney Briar (Lisa Houle) to be the more professional DJ. Mazzy is eager to get his listeners thinking but Sydney scolds him and forces at the scene reports from Ken Loney in the "Sunshine Chopper". Assisting Sydney is war veteran Laurel (Georgina Reilly) who could be a Anna Farris lookalike. She techs up and screens the calls for Mazzy's show.
The set up of another mundane day in the snowstormed town of Pontypool is interrupted by a breaking story of a huge riot at a doctor's clinic (who makes an appearance later on). Mazzy, eager to run with the story before its verified battles his producers before succumbing to having to interview and hear a song from a troupe of actors in Lawrence of Arabia.
Later, Mazzy interviews Ken Loney, the "on the field" reporter as he describes the chaos. It's done "War of the Worlds"-ish. I would have never imagined watching a movie that relies on a radio drama to get the story moving. We are suppose to be watching a MOTION PICTURE, but the 180 we get here on hearing rather than seeing makes it mesmerizing to watch. McHattie's voice and concern seem dirty realistic.
It's the same way you get when you hear NRP's "This American Life" where the sounds and your imagination create much more than any visual could. Some humor is also thrown in when Mazzy is interviewed by a BBC affiliate looking for answers on the chaos.
The virus then hits home, when poor Laurel gets infected causing her to go all mumbly. Locked in the sound booth, we then meet the ever fluent Dr. Mendez. Some light is shed on what may be causing people to go crazy. The doc and a hacked military signal tells our heroes and us that the English language is responsible for the insanity. Yes you read that right. The English language. Soon our heroes are forced to speak Rosetta Stone French to keep sane.
The last half of the movie has Mazzy and Sydney doing the old reliable run and hide amidst the invading now dictionaried and zombified masses pouring into the station. It's tenseful at times, possibly even 3% scary, though nothing a 13 yr old couldn't handle. As we head to the final 15, the thought bubbled lightbulb goes off for Mazzy but not before we get an apocalypse.
So how do you interpret a movie where a virus is spread thru language? Especially the English language.
Bruce McDonald, the director was on hand during the screening I attended and vaguely Area 51d an explanation of the multi-verse theories. It's open to many interpretations he said. I sensed for the most part that Pontypool was a crack at Americanism and how we spread our language, our values and our very annoying pop culture throughout the world.
Does one's culture get lost when they adapt another culture's language and values? Lots of interesting questions are posed. We often joke Canada is the 51st state. Could this actually happen in say 50 years?
Language is power and how we use it is subliminally virus and disease like and perfectly satirized in Pontypool. We can spread ideas through language that affect us all. Even McDonald quipped during the Q&A that Pontypool was picked up to be distributed in South Korea with the tagline "Fear English!".
Pontypool is intelligent, witty and thought provoking and reminds us perfectly how the horror genre can be used to satire the world we live in. It's punched a spot into my list of top 10 horror movies of 2009.
So take off that white mask and head outside. No time to be paranoid about H1N1....your next words could be your last.
WTF moment Laurel going all word sick and crazy "Sydney Briar is not dead" chant
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
First some fun facts about the movie.
-The movie is adapted from Tony Burgess book "Pontypool Changes Everything" -It was shot in 15 days and in chronological order -Stephen McHattie and Lisa Houle are married in real life -McDonald also directed the Tracy Fragments which starred Canadian hottie Ellen Page
So it's important I get on the bandwagon and watch this new trend in it's infancy.
Hence, I watched a Canadian horror machine called End of the Line, a very awesome flick that will probably be the instigator of this new sub genre's progeny.
2 minutes in I was flinching from some quick scares. Seriously. I actually got scared and I don't scare easily. When you're a jaded viewer like me, this is very hard to do.
But End of the Line, opens freakin strong, blasts some WTF, adds in some serious bloody splatter and ends with a whimper (it's only drawback).
End of the Line is high velocity fun, stopping at the right moments for scares and gore that it's destined to be a cult classic for the 21st century.
In this unsettling and creepy thriller, Karen (Ilona Elkin), a young nurse who works in a psychiatric ward, boards the last subway train of the night only to have it stop suddenly in the middle of the tunnel. As those around her are brutally murdered, Karen and a handful of survivors must face supernatural forces, homicidal religious cult members, as well as their own fears and suspicions of Armageddon, in order to survive.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
The quick cut to something frightening is a staple in horror films. And the first half hour is filled with suspense and goosbumpy madness. You know director Maurice Devereaux wants you to jump out of your seat by creating some quick glimpses of the scary. And he does this by establishing the life of our main final girl Karen.
But it's the train that's the other "character" we have to get use to in this vague Canadian city that has some a metro. If you live in a city with a subway or transit system and have taken the train late at night, there's a little bit of you that's screaming "I'm fuckin scared".
End of the Line taps that piece and doesn't let go.
The train stops mid-ride and we get intro-ed into the many passengers who will turn out to be our Scooby Gang vent on survival.
We've got:
1.) Final Girl Karen 2.) Hipster Mike 3.) Jock Neil 4.) Guido Mike 5.) Virgin Sarah 6.) Raver Julie
It's an eclectic group of ordinaries that now have to be all Kill Bill in order to survive the night. Nobody stuck out as somebody I could root for and cared about. They were all designed to be slightly lovable and turned into cult corpse fodder.
Oh. Did I mention there was a killer cult from God on this train too?
And that's the middle of the movie. After the cult gets a message on their beepers (they still have those?) they get all slaughtery and start attacking and killing everybody on the train.
The scenes are utterly brutal, as they go all stabby with their crucifixes that turn into knives.
As our gang runs like hell, they meet up with some transit workers and work out a plan and explain motive and yada yada yada.
The cult members (in matching uni's) are a cross between a David Koresh imitation and some Christian conservative, Republican carnies. The brainwashed citizens are insane as they believe all should be "saved". The kill scenes are savage. Some OJ multiple stabs, throat slashing, a sword head decap and 1 that even made me cringe.
The cult take one of their own and multiple stab a 3rd trimester pregnant woman and her husband. The scene concludes as they lay the newborn with their parents, with the infant semi moving. Wow. On the fucked up scale, that went off the charts.
More chasing and huffing and puffing and a few more axes to the head. Even kids went all mental and tried to kill our scoobies. Wow, there was more kid and infant-cide in this flick than I thought I would see.
The negatives are clearly nitpicks but took away that 1 extra spinkick that would have made this into the spinkick HOF. The movie's premise hinted on the supernatural, then steered me towards some cult crazies then went back to demonology. I wasn't sure if the vagueness of it all was thought bubbled intentional.
I wanted it to stick with just being about some fundamentalist cult crazies but it went waaaaay off which kinda made me say "Huh?". This is further amplified by the ending which was a blah huh.
Add in the fact that our final girl was sorta hot, kicked some ass in the end but her personality needed a total recall. I mean all the characters did.
One of the evil cult baddies was a sexual pervert serial semi rapist. He added some ha ha's and some evilness but just didn't look menacing to make me want this revenge served cold.
End of the Line is the Canadian version of The Midnight Meat Train (which took home the #2 spot on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008). As I'm not sure what year this falls into (06 or 07 or 08) it would have definitely made my top 10.
The vagueness of the chaos that erupted and characterology was my only double fault but everything else was super awesome terrific.
I am putting End of the Line posthumously as one of the top horror films of 2008 or 07 or 06.
Now stand clear of the closing doors.
Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)
Multiple Stabbings Throat slashing Sword Head decap (gorehounds rejoice!) Pregnant woman stabbings Infanti-cide Kid-icide Ax to the head Hammer to the head Lip biting Knife to the head
Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)
Some boobie cleavage
WTF moment
Infant-cide
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
I forgot to mention that the Canadians are rivalring the French, Aussies and Brits in ushering the new wave of kick ass horror. Maurice Deveraux also directed the straight to DVD Slashers (a reality game show horror movie) which I vaguely remember watching.
It'll be interesting to see what he does next.
If movies like End of the Line is whats to come from him, I say "All Aboard!"
After watching the opening scene of They Wait and after the intro credits started to roll, up came the foreboding credit of:
Executive Producer
Uwe Boll
I should have just shut off the movie right then and there. But I knew what I was getting into. I knew a film based on Chinese mythos and ghost stories would be your typical The Ring-like dash and scare.
But dammit, it had the hotness that is Jaime King. And the there's this clip I saw where she gets into the shower and gets spooked. So I spent the next 80 minutes hoping that this would turn into a very good American remake ala The Ring.
And I kept waiting. And waiting. And freakin waiting.
I'm still fuckin waiting.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
A young mother and her six-year-old son come face to face with the mysteries of two murders and a great crime against the Chinese community into which they have recently arrived from Shanghai. Awesome Review-O-Matic
Before I review, let me answer all your most important and pertinent questions about this flick.
1.) Are you telling me that in They Wait, Jaime King is married to a Chinese dude?
A: Fuck yeah. Kudos to the filmmakers for making all Asian guys think they have a chance to score with Jaime King.
2.) So you're telling me when some Chinese dude and Jaime King have an offspring, it looks like a 100% Chinese kid?
A: Yes. Not even a hint of any Caucasian genes is in this kid. Look at the pic below. Is that kid even look like he's from a mixed marriage?????
3.) OK, I just want to watch this movie because I heard there is a Jaime King shower scene. Does she get naked?
A: Well naked is a relative term. It looks like she is naked, but you don't see shit. It's like the Jessica Alba scene in The Eye. Fuckin big tease. Check out the scene here.
4.) So just tell me already, this is like the Ring right?
A: Yup. Hot blonde with son tries to stop a ancient spirits of evil from killing her family. She needs to uncover the deep dark secret the family has covered up so that the spirits can rest. Yada yada yada.
5.) Are you sure the hot blonde isn't Sarah Michelle Gellar?
A: Hold on let me check the DVD box again.......nope. It's Jaime King.
6.) I read other reviews and they said there were scary moments and big chills. Is that true?
A: Those people are fuckin idiots. This wouldn't scare an ass out of a hole.
7.) Is this film Canadian?
A: Yeah. Hey. Hosers.
8.) Is there any gore or splatter that would make this film even worth putting on my Netflix queue?
A: Let's see. A tree bleeds. Meat cleaver in the head. Some bones and skulls. Nothing that I can think of.
9.) Will there ever be a good Asian movie that can be remade for Western audiences?
A: Not really. You might as well rent or buy the originals. Read the english subtitles. It's not going to kill you. These movies were made for their core audience for that particular country. They are on the most basic levels movies about the fear of the supernatural in all of us. Wow that sounded like a real review.
10.) So what exactly are they waiting for?
A: I think for the movie to end.
To sum it up, Jaime King basically emotes alot and tries to rid her 100% Chinese son from these demons. A few CGI scares and some flashbacky ending later, you really can't believe this was a DVD movie and not some episode of Fear Itself or a segement of Masters of Horror.
Influences
The Ring The Grudge Every other J-horror movie Every other Thai-horror movie Every other Chinese-horror movie
Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)
A hatchet through the head (didn't I write that already?)
Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)
So close to seeing some Jaime King boobies. But trust me, in a few years we'll be seeing her do Skinemax soon enough. WTF moment Why didn't I just turn this off in the beginning?
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
I really should have shut off the flick after seeing the gratuitous Jaime King shower scene. But I was so intrigued by the premise that she was married to this Chinese dude and had a kid that was 100% Chinese I kept watching. I thought they'd explain it. Like it was a kid from the husband's 1st marriage or that he was adopted. I wanted a fuckin explanation for this.
So I kept waiting. And waiting.
Trust me, you don't want to wait this fuckin long.
Courtesy of Bloody Disgusting comes this little French-Canadian psychological horror mind f*ck of a film. After watching the trailer, it has the feel of Inside and a mix of Funny Games. Something just resonated and impulsed me to put up the trailer.
