the jaded viewer

I had what you would call a regular horror childhood. Raised on your standard eggs, bacon and Friday the 13ths and Nightmares, it's the same ole story you've heard all before.

But it wasn't until I met Insano Steve in college and the beginnings of the Internets did I get more of a horror education. Faster than you could say "boobies", the internet sprung to life with porn sites with a degree of nastiness.

But with free web space like Geocities and Tripod you also got some horror sites that popped up. Insano Steve soon discovered a very cool site called Losman's Lair of Horror. (It's now defunct) but it had some awesome lists which Insano Steve and I used as a guidebook to discovering some great horror and exploitation movies.

Check out this site for a retrospective of this site.

The 5 movies we "discovered" that I have to admit shaped my horror wiki are below. Mind you, this was circa 1995-1999 and though most of these are common knowledge now, these were all new to both of us. Each of these movies had a profound effect on what I would watch years later, even up to today. Do you remember the first time you watched any of these?

1.) Cannibal Holocaust

My introduction to the cannibal genre was the best the genre had to offer. Never had I scene such horrific acts of violence by uncivilized savages (and on the big screen!).

Real life animal slaughter, scalping, intestine eating and documentary styilized drama.

After watching Holocaust, Insano Steve and I searched for the best the genre had to offer (Ferox, Dr. Butcher, etc.)

This would easily spawn my Top 5 Cannibal Movies of All Time and give me impetus to create the Top 10 Ruggero Deodato Movies of All Time.




2.) El Topo

Alejandro Jodorowsky's El Topo was a midnight cult success back in the 70s. But when you first watch it, it's like watching what it would be like on LSD but sober.

El Topo was the first of Jodorowskys films that I would dabble into, soon seeing all the others, with Holy Mountain and Sante Sangre being awesome-fuckin-rific flicks.


3.) Darkness

Why this underground vampire gore flick?

Because it showed me the door into the world indie spatter gore movies. Leif Jonkers Darkness would be my intro into low budget indie horror filmmakers and their dedication and passion to the VHS dubbing genre of the early 90s.

Not a good film by any means, it has some top notch gore and makeup.

It's a simple film, but struck a chord in this jaded viewer.





4.) Luther the Geek

This film is mostly remembered because it has a scene of Stacy Haiduk taking a shower naked.

But a mute, clucking serial killer biting and killing innocent pedestrians is where I had my first WTF moment.

And it's so bizarre and off the wall, this was my first venture in the world of kooky, mostly foreign serial killer films (See Insano Steve's 11 Underrated Horror Movies of the Videotape Era)

He's a geek! He drinks chicken blood! And all he does is cluck like a chicken.

The WTF moment was thus born into existence.



5.) Nekromantik

Think about when you first saw this movie. (If you haven't, you should see this perverted and gore-ificly awesome flick) Didn't you feel all dirty and a little shameful that you were about to watch a movie about fuckin necrophilia?!?!?

C'mon. We all have our boundaries. Even us hardcore horror fans. Shit, I've seen movies about bestiality. I'll admit it. But we've all draw lines before.

And though Nekromantik is done very artsy fartsy, it's still about some sick shit. And that ending...oh man, it's the pinnacle of the WTF moment hall of fame.

This probably was the movie that got me as jaded as could be.

Disturbing but entirely breaking a frontier within my horror experience, you can say the movie was utter shit, but it definitely is memorable.


If you have seen some of these flicks, kudos to you. If you haven't, it's like a tutorial of shame and horror wonder. Most horror fans today (I'm talking to the tweens and Gen Y peeps) don't know what us "old timers" had to do to see some of these flicks.

Go to horror conventions, rummage through yard sales, trade in 2nd and 3rd generation dubs and eBay the crap to see some hard to find flicks.

So when we did see these flicks, they were like finding a wad of cash in the trash.

I can thank Losman and his list for introducing me to a wide range of genre flicks. Such a simple site that the jaded viewer would not be here today if it wasn't for that list.

Wherever you are Losman, thanks dude. I owe you one.

Labels: 5 horror movies that shaped my horror psyche, cannibal holocaust, el topo, leif jonker darkness, luther the geek, nekromantik

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

If your noob, your first time hearing the name Ruggero Deodato was from Eli Roth's mouth as he featured a cameo of Deodato as a cannibal doctor in Hostel.

If your a jaded viewer like myself, Deodato is in the pantheon of the kick ass directors, legendary and mythic. Deodato's filmography is so filled with awesomeness that it's a testament to the man whose resume includes the best cannibal movie of ALL FUCKIN TIME.

So let's count down the best of the best. Yeah I know, some of these flicks are horrible wrecks of a movie (knockoff slashers, pseudo erotica, cheesy exploding action flicks), but it's a list of his decent to best. Keep a fuckin open mind will you?

Here is the top 10 Ruggero Deodato movies of all time.


10.) Concorde Affaire '79 (1979)

Why it kicks ass: Plane crashes, sharks and concorde jets. What more do you need?

The Trailer:








9.) Phantom of Death (1988)

Why it kicks ass: Weird thriller starring Michael York and Donald Pleasance where York discovers a rare disease that makes him go insane. Kills a plenty and who knows, maybe even Deodato was commenting on social issues and shit.

The Trailer:





8.) Body Count (1987)

Why it kicks ass: Deodato tries to cash in on Friday the 13th mania in this slasher knockoff.

The Trailer:





7.) Dial Help (1988)

Why it kicks ass: A psychic finds herself tapping into the "energy" of a deceased phone operator. Pseudo erotic thriller/horror that has that oh so cheesy 80s problem: a ridiculous plot with cheap scares. MST3K worthy in so many ways. Good times.

The Trailer:





6.) Cut and Run (1985)

Why it kicks ass: It's Michael Berryman (see Hills Have Eyes) !!! Last part of the legendary Deodato cannibal trilogy.

The Trailer:






5.) The Barbarians (1987)

Why it kicks ass: Conan inspired sword and sorcery! Kutchek and Gore are played by the bad boys of bodybuilding the Paul brothers. Feel the power!!!


The Trailer:





4.) Raiders of Atlantis (1983)

Why it kicks ass: This is the best post apocalyptic punk, biker, Mad Max-ish movie about scientists and Vietnam vets who have to fight the descendants of Atlantis. I mean look at that trailer. It has all the action cliches of every 80s movies ever made.

The Trailer:





3.) Ultimo Mondo Cannibale (1977)

Why it kicks ass: One of the best cannibal movies ever made.


The Trailer:






2.) House on the Edge of the Park (1980)

Why it kicks ass: Cashing in on the Wes Craven's Last House on the Left success, this pseudo sequel stars Michael Hess as a sadistic rapist killer. A classic in its own right, this and Last House are part of the hall of fame of rape and revenge films.


The Trailer:






1.) Cannibal Holocaust (1980)

Why it kicks ass: The Masterpiece. Nuff said.

Trailer:





Well I hope that was educational for you. All the trailers are full of LOLs and Ha Ha's that never get old. This list took a while to compile, so let me know what you think by leaving a comment.

Now, we just have to wait for Deodato's long awaited sequel to Cannibal Holocaust, vanilla titled Cannibals to come out and we can probably add one more to the list.

I can't wait.



Tags:
cannibal movies, cannibal holocaust , ruggero deodato , top cannibal movies, ,ultimo mondo cannibale, raiders of atlantis,

Labels: cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibals, House on the Edge of the Park, raiders of atlantis, ruggero deodato, the barbarians, top 10 ruggero deodato films of all time, ultimo mondo canibale

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Isle of the Damned

Isle of the Damned (2008)

Directed by Mark Colegrove

Sometimes the legends get parodied into oblivion.

Think about it. George A. Romero, the living legend maestro of zombie films made a half ass zombie pseudo diary flick while in comparison zombie horror comedies are scoring hit after hit.

The same can be said about the cannibal genre. Before his death, Italian Ed Wood, Bruno Mattei was generating badly made homage after homage to the king Ruggero Deodato and his infamous Cannibal Holocaust films.

And the parody was sometimes as entertaining as the cannibal film it was making fun of.

So we didn't wait too long until we Americans made our own. And I gotta admit, I let out a few LOL's while I watched Isle of the Damned, Dire Wit's new film parody of cannibal movies.

Isle of the Damned is a funny flick, going 10.0 on the parody Richter scale and is so knowledgable of its source material that it mocks the mockery of the cannibal flick by making fun of the best scenes the subgenre has to offer.

It's a sketch comedy come to life, where the viewer becomes the viewee and makes some ha ha's for the little community. It would probably have worked way better if it was 3 minutes and viewed on YouTube (probably could have garnered a jillion views by now).

Because I have to say 80 minutes is a bit much for an entire mock of a genre most people haven't watched.

But the low budget production values are actually impressive. And the jokes are like the presents Jokey Smurf had Brainy Smurf open.
KABOOM!!!

It does get kinda repetitive, but for some unknown reason I couldn't stop laughing.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

In Antonello Giallo's follow up to the notorious Pleasures of the Damned, private investigator Jack Steele is hired by a mysterious treasure hunter to help find the lost treasure of Marco Polo. Along for the trip is Jack's adopted son, Billy.

Their search brings them to an island off the coast of Argentina... and into the clutches of a primitive cannibal tribe, the Yamma Yamma. Alexis Kinkaid, a mysterious recluse who has made his home on the island amongst the cannibals, may hold the key to unlocking the island's secret... if they don't end up in the belly of a savage first!

Isle of the Damned, originally released in Italy in 1980, brought Giallo under fire yet again by the Italian government, who were outraged by the shocking and real scenes of primitive tribal rituals and cannibalism portrayed in the film. The film has been long out of print, but is presented here in a digitally remastered form.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

The mocks Isle of the Damned savagely scalp at in this parody are the best the top cannibal movies.

Here's a few they rip apart.

1.) The Deodato folklore is parodied as we "uncover" Antonello Giallo's long lost cannibal film which he was prosecuted by the Italian government for.

2.) The castration scene from Cannibal Ferox

3.) Jack Steele's fake mustached, Magnum PI glasses is a whole mock of all 70's final dudes

4.) Ridiculous scenes of wildlife (rhino, crocs, spiders, rabbits, snakes, etc.) plus a few yuckies of pseudo animal abuse and torture (ala Cannibal Holocaust)

5.) Alexis Kincaid, the Dr. Moreau like anthropologist who states the declaration "We are the savages, not the cannibals" motto (ala Jungle Holocaust)

6.) Cain the silent "Last Dragon", Bruce Lee parody

7.) Brain eating (like in Cannibal Ferox)

8.) The bad dubbing and staticky look of the film are as 70s grindhouse homages

9.) The infamous pole torture (from Cannibal Holocaust)

10.) An actual piranha scene (this was a scene that Deodato never completed in Holocaust)

The characters are bit extremy with our main dude Jack Steele, his ward Billy, Cain our kung fooey former Japanese assassin and the main baddy Harold who will do anything to find the gold of Marco Polo.

Kincaid gives the civilized vs savage speech and the dialogue is cleverly ridiculous.

Some unheterosexual moment parodies are a little goofy, breaking the non stop tone of the flick and a mute on mute relationship seemed just fuckin dumb.

A gratuitous sodomy ritual made up for some of the jokes that didn't work.

Aside from that, it's the ridiculousness of the cannibal movie itself that sometimes doesn't even need to be made fun of. White guys pretending to be cannibals is funny to a point.

But all in all, Isle of the Damned actually was gut wretchingly well done for a $20k dollar budget. It's full of edited swipes, clock fades and bad static.

It's these little things that made this YouTube millenial turd smell all flowery.

A lot of pretend moviemakers are YouTubing their own movies, but the guys and girls and Dire Wit made something pretty entertaining.

Because I'm really getting sick of seeing bad trailers of popular movies that these kids are making these days.

I'll be definitely checking in on what these guys are up to in the future. But please don't make a zombie parody. We've had waaaay to much of that of late.

Seriously guys, don't do zombies. Please.

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Castration
Face peeling
Intestinal munching
Brain eating
Hand decaps
Leg decaps
Wooden spike trauma
Piranha bloody water torture
Cannibal slaughter
Feces eating
Knife assing

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

Some white "cannibal" boobies

WTF moment

Sodomy ritual for cowards

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

It's a B or even C movie. The 21st century is still alive with dudes with a camera who make flicks and then go to a Chiller convention and hock it to the masses.

Fuck, I've gone to the same Chiller convention and bought these flicks. And I know it's because these guys love making movies for people like me.

Indie parodies are a rare subgenre, but kudos to the people who make em and make em good.

Just don't make that zombie parody. Seriously, don't.

Check out the official site here and the MySpace page.

Rating:

1/2

The Trailer





Tags:
cannibal movies, cannibal holocaust , cannibal ferox , Mondo Cannibale, , isle of the damned, , isle of the damned review, , ultimo mondo cannibale, bruno mattei,

Labels: cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibal scalping, cannibals, dire wit films, isle of the damned, isle of the damned review, isle of the damned trailer, Mondo Cannibale

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Mondo Cannibale

Mondo Canniable aka Cannibal World aka Cannibal Holocaust: The Beginning (2003)

Directed by Vincent Dawn (aka Bruno Mattei)

Bruno Mattei has a resume of seemingly MST3K worthy movies. Most of them ripoffs of many big blockbuster hits: Terminator, Zombie, Jaws.

So its fitting he'd make a shot by shot remake of Cannibal Holocaust. And for all its Ed Wood qualities, I can't say this is total utter shit. It's sorta got a B-movie Hollywood popcorn feel to it.

It's definitely a midnight matinee movie I'd go see, with friends and totally make fun of. And so that's the way I'm looking at it.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

The network where the famous anchorwoman Grace Forsyte works, is collapsing and she would do everything to regain the favor of the audience, therefore she convinces her professional team to go to the Amazon jungle for a sensational scoop about the cannibals.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Thank God for Chiller. Yes I could have possibly torrented or found this flick on eBay. But Chiller gave me easy access to buy these flicks as they should be bought. Bad DVD cover art, bootleg DVD-R disc with no labels and half the description on the back in Japanese!

Woohoo.

What you're looking for in any cannibal movie is the following:

1.) Cannibals (duh!)
2.) Gratuitous nudity
3.) A scene of a pure, unadulterated, disgusting sicko atrocity
4.) Cannibal picnic munching
5.) White people disturbing an indiginous culture

Let's take a look at each piece of the puzzle more closely.

Cannibals

Looks like they got their cannibal extras from the Philippines (as this is where it was filmed) and if dressed up properly, anybody can pass as a cannibal. Fuck John McCain could be a passable cannibal.

A few "hi mom" moments from our pretend cannibals, some fucked up carnivore munching and for the most part you got a decent convincing tribe.

Gratuitous Nudity

Our intrepid white reporters give us some shiny boobies to look at. Perfectly tanned!

A scene of a pure, unadulterated, disgusting sicko atrocity

This movie had plenty. But I gotta go with the ripping of a pregnant woman's stomach and munching on her unborn fetus and intestines. Also, a beheading and some burned alive tribal women. And all filmed by our documentary filmmakers for their cable channel.

Seriously what channel is this on?

Cannibal picnic munching

Lots of it. Even some brain munching and some testicle eating. Because testicles are fuckin tasty.

White people disturbing an indigenous culture

You know very well whats going to happen to our documentary crew. For ratings, they decide to stage a "attack" from a neighboring tribe and start to fuck up the locals. Burning their village, women and children, shooting the shit out of people.

And ironically, they get what they deserved in the end. Eaten alive.

And you know why they lost? Because like zombies, there are a fuckin lot of cannibals. It's pure numbers really. You can shoot them, but your gonna run out of ammunition.

And they keep coming. And they're hungry and pissed. And testicles are yummy.

Influences

Every movie on this list: Top 5 Cannibal Movies of All Time

Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)

Cannibal eating
Beheading
Burned beyond recognition
Intestine splurging
Decaps
Rape
I kind listed everything in my review didn't I?

Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)

See gratuitous nudity

WTF moment

There was gratuitous rape. Read that again. Gratuitous rape.

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

If you want to MST3k this, this is the perfect movie for you. If you want to see a cannibal movie, go see one of the Top 5 I listed above. Bruno Mattei made a Commandoes vs Cannibals movie which I think is probably more fun to watch than this piece of crap.

But hey, I'll take my cannibals anyway I can get em.

Rating:

The Trailer





Tags:
cannibal movies, cannibal holocaust , cannibal ferox , Mondo Cannibale, , Dr Butcher MD, , Mondo Cannibale Review, , ultimo mondo cannibale, bruno mattei,

Labels: bruno mattei, cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibal scalping, Cannibal World, cannibals, Mondo Cannibal review, Mondo Cannibale, top 5 cannibal movies

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Bloody Disgusting has unveiled the new poster for Ruggero Deodato's new cannibal movie called obviously Cannibals.

Check it out here.

Labels: cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, cannibals, ruggero deodato

Posted by the jaded viewer at 5:42 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

With the talk of a Cannibal Holocaust remake, we here at the jadedviewer decided to throw a quick list together of the Top 5 Cannibal movies of all time. For the uninitiated, the cannibal genre was big sub genre of exploitation films in the 70s.

White people go to the jungle to exploit the natives for their own selfish means (either dollars or fame). Cannibals run amok and start to eat the reporters.

Gore, REAL animal mutitaltion, flesh eating and many disembowelments later, you begin to realize you shouldn't book your next vacation in South America.

Spearheaded (pun intended) by directors like Ruggero Deodato, Umberto Lenzi and Joe D'Amato, the late 70s and early 80s were abuzz with these grindhouse flicks.

Cannibal films are a staple of the underground flicks every horror fan needed to see.

So if you're a newbie and what to expand your exploitation film knowledge see all the movies listed below.

5.) Mangiati vivi! (aka Emerald Jungle aka Eaten Alive!) (1980)

Director: Umberto Lenzi



4.) Cannibal Ferox (aka Make Them Die Slowly) (1981)

Director: Umberto Lenzi



3.) Zombi Holocaust (aka Dr. Butcher M.D.) (1980)

Director: Marino Girolami



2.) Ultimo mondo Canibale (aka Jungle Holocaust aka Last Cannibal World) (1977)

Director: Ruggero Deodato



1.) Cannibal Holocast (1980)

Director: Ruggero Deodato








Tags:
cannibal movies, cannibal holocaust , cannibal ferox , emerald jungle, , Dr Butcher MD, , jungle holocaust, , ultimo mondo cannibale,
zombi holocaust,

Labels: cannibal ferox, cannibal films, cannibal holocaust, dr butcher md, emerald jungle, jungle holocaust, ruggero deodato, ultimo mondo canibale, umberto lenzi, zombi holocaust

Posted by the jaded viewer at 6:15 PM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post