Thursday, October 22, 2009

What's the kryptonite for horror bloggers?

I was thrilled to be asked by HorrorBlips.com to be part of their ongoing horror topic of the week. In this weeks edition, I was part of the question posed by Robyn, Editor of HorrorBlips.com:

What’s the one movie theme or freaky character that never fails to scare you every time?

Check out what your favorite horror bloggers had to say below (including myself!)

Horror Bloggers Reveal Their Weaknesses

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While it might seem that true horror fans are unscareable, they all have their soft spot. Even Superman has Kryptonite right? For me, movies that feature ventriloquist dummies are off my tolerable scale. Something about the eyes, and the fact that they seem like they’re alive, when they aren’t, and then they do come to life…it gives me the creeps.

We wanted to know what horror bloggers claimed as their own personal Achilles heel. What makes them squirm or scream every time? Check out their answers below, you might be surprised to find out what it takes to freaks out the un-freakable.

Mike Snoonian, All Things Horror: photoIf there’s a sure-fire type of fright flick that keeps me up into the wee hours of the night, it’s anything dealing with tightly claustrophobic settings and premature burial. There’s something about viewing someone trapped in a confined space, barely able to move or breath that gets my heart racing and nerves twitchy. When watching a scene of this type, I put myself in the character’s place, pinned in a pine box or hole in the ground, the air growing staler and thinner until it finally runs out, leaving me gasping for my last breath alone in pitch blackness. That’s why “The Descent” remains one of the scariest theater experiences of my life. Even if the cave dwellers had never been introduced, the story of the women trapped and lost in pitch-blackness with the constant threat of the walls collapsing around them was more than enough to leave me sweating in my seat.

B-J C, Day of the Woman: For some reason, I’ve always been really uneasy with dead children. My mother has run a daycare out of our home for years, so whenever photoMichael Myers chased down Jamie Lloyd, or when little Gage dies in “Pet Sematary,” it always really really bothered me. As far as something that I see constantly, I’m really bad with eye injuries. Eye gouging, stabbing, bleeding, anything of the sort always makes me squirm. The scene in “Opera” is pure torture for me as well as the “Zombi 2” infamous wood to the eye scene.

Stacie Ponder, Final Girl:I’m a total sucker for possession movies. It doesn't matterphoto if it’s a low-budget 10th generation Exorcist rip-off, I’m gonna be creeped out. It’s not the religious angle that gets to me—I’m not a particularly religious person— it’s more of an aesthetic thing. Weird eyes, crusty skin, oozing liquids, barfed-up pea soup, and a deep demonic voice are all it takes for me to freak. I guess it’s just a visceral reaction, because the people who get possessed in these movies don’t ever do much except lay around in bed all day, stinkin’ up the joint and cussin’ up a storm. No matter! Even the lowest movies on the possession totem pole work for me.


Johnny, Freddy In Space: My one Achilles heel when it comes to horror is without question Zelda from “Pet Sematary.” Movies don't scare me too often and it’s even rarer that characters themselves scare me, but Zelda always has and always will put the fear in me. Lock me in a room with Freddy Krueger, a zombie, a ghost, or the devil himself—I’ll calmly assess the situation and find a way out alive. Lock me in a room with Zelda and I will die of fright before she can ever even lay a finger on me!


BC, Horror Movie A Day: Fish and other, smaller water creatures. Sharks are OK, but you put a snapper turtle or a piranha in a movie, you can guarantee that I'm going to get unsettled. Even if they aren't the “villains” of the film, if they just show a fish doing that pucker thing with his mouth in someone’s fish tank or whatever, I feel uneasy.

I also used to be afraid of clowns, but so many terrible killer clown horror movies have actually vaporized my fear.



Monster Scholar, Monster Land: My horror Achilles heel would have to be disembowelment and/or vivisection. It’s been a hot button for me ever since I ate a bad yogurt parfait and had nightmares about someone cutting me open and removing my organs with toothpicks. This initial fear was only made worse by seeing “House of a Thousand Corpses” as a teenager and watching Dr. Satan perform gruesome surgery on his live victims. Yuck.


Becky Sayers, The Horror Effect: Home invasion films get under my skin. Sometimes it takes the hard-hitting intensity of a movie like “Inside” to terrify me, but other times the simplest slasher can make me uncomfortable. Perhaps it roots back to my indoctrination into the horror genre with “Halloween.” I remember trying to sleep after watching John Carpenter’s masterpiece for the first time. My bed was situated against a wall, which I faced, leaving my back exposed to the empty room. I kept imaging that Michael Myers was standing behind me, his pallid mask hovering like a ghost in the darkness. However, my fear of the home invasion might be based on something more elementary. I grew up on 10-forested acres in a rural area of Washington state. There was no next-door neighbor. There were no paved roads for a mile. If someone were to prey on my childhood home, it might resemble scenes found in “The Strangers” or “Them.” Whatever the circumstance, it is horrifying to imagine that you are not safe in your own residence. Absolutely no one wants to wake up to the sound of unknown footsteps downstairs or to the sight of a shadowy figure leaning over the bedside.

Jeff, The Jaded Viewer: That'’ a very interesting topic. I gotta admit, I get the uber shivers from creepy crawlies, swarms of bugs movies and killer parasites. You know the movies, like “Splinter,” “The Thaw,” “The Ruins,” “Slither” and don’t get me started about “Arachnophobia.” I love these movies but when I see a horde of bugs or parasites on the movie, it gives me chills. I start squirming and I get the feeling these creepy crawlies are attacking me.

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Monday, August 10, 2009

The Thread: What was the Worst of Freddy's demises?


Son of 1000 maniacs! Son of 1000 maniacs! Son of 1000 maniacs!

I think I may be the only one who's obsessed with the way slashers get killed at the end of the movie. Because the thing is, after the slasher goes through the motions of slaughtering young, helpless teenagers and getting everything thrown at him to stop his murderous rampage, sometimes the slasher's death becomes really anticlimactic (see the end of Friday the 13th Part VIII)

The one series I'm intrigued by the slasher's death is A Nightmare on Elm Street. Freddy's demise were kinda a letdown don't you think? Some kinda rocked. See my list below on how Freddy eventually "lost" to those damn kids.

What do you guys think? Which one was the worse?

**OBVIOUS FUCKIN SPOILERS IF YOU'VE NEVER SEEN ANY OF THESE FILMS**

1.) A Nightmare on Elm Street

How Freddy Dies:




The Jaded Viewer says: Freddy doesn't technically "die", more so gets defeated. Sure he gets set on fire and gets boobied into traps. Hell, I'll give Nancy credit for figuring out how to kill Kreuger but really he just vortexed into the bed. For being a really damn scary flick, Freddy's defeat was kinda lame.

2.) A Nightmare on Elm Street 2: Freddy's Revenge

How Freddy Dies:




The Jaded Viewer says: One of my least favorite NOES. It's the old love conquers all cliche! For a sequel, you'd think this would be better or equal to the original. Freddy's death was like a "You killed me with love, but I'm taking him with me" cliched ending.

Love 1 Freddy 0.

3.) A Nightmare on Elm Street 3: Dream Warriors

How Freddy Dies:




The Jaded Viewer says: One of the best in the series. And the fuckin twist of Nancy FINALLY getting killed by Freddy. But that's not what we're talking about. We're talking about how Freddy dies because of get this...holy water (Freddy even pokes fun at how they've tried to kill him in Part 6). Also, Nancy stabs Freddy with his own glove. Later, Freddy's bones are thrown in a grave and he's ultimately "killed" when a crucifix is placed on his skull.

I gotta agree with Freddy on this one. Holy water?!? How can one even take that attempt seriously? And death by burial of bones was another letdown in the series.

4.) A Nightmare on Elm Street 4: The Dream Master

How Freddy Dies:




The Jaded Viewer says: Well they just stole this shit from Thundercats. I call Freddy's death in Dream Master the Mumm-ra death because he sees a reflection of himself and that's what causes the "souls" little hands to rip him apart. Freddy's death scene is gory and gooey which is a plus. This cause of death is a total deus ex machina, because after holy water, they couldn't think of anything that could really kill him.

5.) A Nightmare on Elm Street 5: The Dream Child

How Freddy Dies:





The Jaded Viewer says: Well in this one they we're still running on empty on how to kill Freddy. First they have Jacob (Alice's unborn son) turn on him then the souls get all angry and turn him into a deformed infant which his mommy absorbs into her uterus or some shit. It's just utterly dumb. It doesn't make sense and nobody ever learned from Nancy how to kill him. At this point, they were just improvising Freddy's demise. Good lord, WTF.

6.) Freddy's Dead: The Final Nightmare

How Freddy Dies:




The Jaded Viewer says: Supposed daughter of Freddy comes back to defeat him. Kudos for using Nancy's methods to bring him into the real world but the big, climactic battle we thought we'd see is non existent. C'mon she turned into a professional knife thrower? Then she uses the glove to gut poor Kreuger and here's the kicker, stabs some dynamite and blows the shit out of him in 3D (thus releasing the supposed dream demons). I guess symbolically we have to say this was the death of funny/comedic Freddy.

I mean his last words are "Kids".

7.) Wes Craven's A New Nightmare

How Freddy Dies:



The Jaded Viewer says: We're suppose to have serious Freddy back but in the final scene with Heather L. and her fictional son, he goes all big mouth, tongue waggy and then gets trapped in a furnace (see the irony!) and burned which morphs him into a bug eyed demon.

We can thank Wes Craven for making New Nightmare self aware or have a movie cliches within a movie (which led him to the Scream franchise).

But Freddy's death (this being his last film where HE is the main slasher) is very dark and stylish but lacks in the POW death scene. Rest in Hell Freddy Kreuger.

8.) Freddy vs Jason

How Freddy Dies:

I'm not even putting this one up as we all know this ended in a stalemate and he winks and shit.

So what was the worse Freddy death scene in the series? Go ahead and comment and let me know what's the what.

As a bonus, below are the little cliffhangers at the end of each of the films. Which one was the best?

1.) NOES: Freddy possesses the car, then grabs mom through the window
2.) NOES 2: The speeding bus, Freddy's glove bursts out
3.) NOES 3: Toy house lights up
4.) NOES 4: Freddy image in the fountain
5.) NOES 5: The kids jump roping and singing the song
6.) FT13th 9: Freddy's glove grabs Jason's mask
7.) FvJ: Freddy winks

Vote! Leave comments. Write thoughts about the pending remake. I hope this was horror-cational for you noobs.

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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Horrorsphere: What We Have in Common

I ran out of horror movies to watch.

That's a first. Don't worry, my dealer sent me a new flick to review and it should be up before the week is up. In any case, after reading this post from Freddy in Space I too got inspired to chime in on the awesomeness of being part of the horror blogging community.

Taking a cue from BJ-C from Day of the Woman who lists 7 things on why the horror blogging community is the coolest I figured I'd go on a different tangent. I'm going to list the things I think we have in common. These may be dead on or waaay off. But here it goes. I'm doing my best George Carlin "little things we all have in common, universal moments we share..." impersonation.

-We visit Bloody Disgusting, Fangoria and Dread Central every day
-We have Blogger all tabbed up and ready to go
-We have comments e-mailed to us and reply within 15 minutes
-We check our traffic every 2 days
-We skim the RSS feeds of other horror blogs and click on only our faves
-We IMDB a movie of a trailer we've just seen, then click on Trivia (if any), check out the user comments and/or click on external reviews
-We constantly add our reviews to external reviews on IMDB
-We check on Google Followers we have
-We check on how many Twitter followers we have
-We read each and every comment posted on our site even if its a comment on a post we did like 3 years ago
-We write our best posts way late at night
-We are easily encouraged when somebody likes our review and want to eviscerate Voorhees style anybody who disagrees with our reviews
-We write reviews with at least 2 quotable lines so just in case, a distributor may use it on the back of a DVD box
-We use horror slang in our everyday conversations like we're vocally blogging
-We've all been visited by a user from a country we cannot pronounce
-We are shocked when Hollywood actually comes out with a good hard R horror film
-We all moan when Platinum Dunes decides to rape our collective horror childhood and remakes yet another horror classic
-We all know who Adam Green is
-We have all written a retro review (which all came from some late night viewing of something in our DVD collection)
-We have all attended one of the following (or all of em), Fangoria Weekend of Horrors, Chiller Theater, Fantastic Fest, NY or SD Comic Con, Cinema Wastleand, Horrorhound, Fantasia, Rue Morgue's Festival of Fear, etc.
-We have all got e-mails from filmmakers, directors and writers hoping to give some press to their flicks
-We all have a bootleg version of Night of the Living Dead
-We have all read Max Brook's World War Z
-We have at least 3 t-shirts of our favorite horror movies
-We get excited when we get a screener in the mail
-We have seen one of the After Dark Horrorfest movies and regretted it
-We think some of the monsters or animal/insect movies gone wild on the Sci Fi channel are funny good but will never admit it
-We have all met Kane Hodder
-We have all met Tom Savini
-We have all met George A. Romero
-We all went to see at least 1 3D horror movie and kept the Real D glasses
-We are constantly looking for classic horror or exploitation trailers on YouTube
-We all secretly love Judd Apatow films
-We all comment on each others blogs because we genuinely have something to say
-We all hope the next leap, will be the leap home

One day, I hope too meet other horror bloggers (any horror bloggers from NYC or the tri state area?) It would be awesome to talk about horror and whatnot. Be sure to check out all the horror blogs from all the links to the right. All these blogs are probably way better than mine, but not one of them covers Van Damme like I do. :-P

I'll finally conclude with this. They're listening.

The directors, fimmakers, distributors, studios and even some mainstreaminess media listen to what's going on in our corner of the web. I've gotten e-mails from directors, writers and studios who thank me and the horrorsphere for giving their indie horror flick some press or reviewing their indie movie via a screener. It's exhilarating to hear that praise and gratitude from the industry you cover and write about.

The horrorsphere is not dead.

It's growing and it's a shacky cam flick away from being remade.


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