par·kour n. (park-joor') An activity in which the participant movies quickly and fluidly, by surmounting obstacles such as walls and railings and leaping across open spaces.
Not going to write a long review here. I recently picked this flick up at a cheap DVD store and with the pending US DVD and theatrical release upcoming, I'd thought I'd share my thoughts.
When I first saw the original District 13 I ranked it #9 on my top 10 movies of 2006. Back then I had only scene glimpses of free running and parkour on YouTube, I was to say the least intrigued. The guys who created parkour David Belle (who stars in this D13) and Sébastien Foucan (he was recently in The Tournament) have turned into action stars and the original was outright fuckin awesome.
Parkour moves are a thrill to watch. Seeing dudes jump from tall buildings is outright fascinating. And to see dudes effortlessly jump in and out of tight spots and maneuver from angles and heights that would scare Evil Knievel is freakin fun.
As for the movie, following the story of the original, France is still divided into districts, each with their own racial gang. You got your I-talians, Blacks, Asians and Arabs. When the corrupt police plan to destroy District 13, its up to Belle and fellow traceur Cyril Raffaelli (he plays the super cop) to kick ass, parkour away from inept French police and unite the gangs to save their beloved home.
All in all, a good solid action flick filled with humor, uber action porn and the best traceurs (parkour performers) the discipline has to offer. Be sure to check out the original before you see this (as its actually better). Parkour!
Rating:
1/2
Check out the trailer below.
Here is the trailer of the original movie.
And finally here is one of the first American parkour videos I ever saw. Pretty awesome.
As I eagerly wait for promo materials for Black Dynamite, I'm getting into a jive motherfucka mood by reading the novelization of Black Devil Doll (book review to come soon!) and by watching a French blaxploitation trailer called Black.
Yup. I did say French blaxploitation.
Directed by Pierre Laffargue and starring MC Jean Gab'1 (he was in District B-13) it's got all the elements of The Man, stolen diamonds and our star Black, who is one tough motherfucker.
Here be the plot.
When his Parisian armored car holdup goes horribly awry, our protagonist Black needs to go on the lam. News from his cousin in Senegal about a stash of uncut diamonds in a poorly guarded bank in Dakar hatches the plan to go on a working vacation that involves a little sightseeing and a lot of mayhem.
After avoiding all the reviews and hype, I figured this was a classic run of the mill torture porn but taken to the ultimate extreme.
Boy was I wrong.
Martyrs has sort of created a new subgenre of horror. Uber-surreal torture-core.
Yeah I know what your saying. What the fuck is that? Dude, I don't even know. But I can say this. This isn't torture porn like Saw or Hostel or any of the other "kill for the fun of it" horror.
It's a twisblended hybrid of the Argentoism, pure unrelenting grindy torture-core and horror taken to a transcendent level.
That's not to say I didn't have my gripes. It's almost pointless at times until you get to the end and figure what the whole thing is about. For 100 minutes, if you take the visceral challenge, you may have been a martyr yourself to a first. Uber-surreal torture-core horror.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
France. A night at the beginning of the 1970s.
Lucie, a little girl missing for over a year, is discovered wandering by the side of a country road.
Near catatonic, she can say nothing about what has happened to her. The cops quickly find the place in which she's been incarcerated - a disused slaughterhouse. Every indication is that she never once left the empty, freezing room in which she was imprisoned.
Filthy, starving, dehydrated, the child's body nonetheless bears no traces of sexual abuse - this was no paedophile abduction, but something far stranger.
What happened in that icy room? And how did Lucie escape?
Lucie is hospitalized - slowly she learns how to live again, an enfant sauvage gradually returning to the real world. In the hospital, she meets Anna, another little girl, and a victim of terrible abuse at the hands of her family. In no time, they are inseparable. Anna takes charge of Lucie, like a mother. As for her kidnappers, the police are at a dead end. Lucie's ordeal remains a terrible mystery.
One night, as Anna sleeps, Lucie hears an awful, rasping breathing. A vision appears: a body, naked, skeletal, tortured. Barely human. The apparition seizes her...
15 years later. A house, isolated in the middle of a forest. A family: Mum, Dad, two kids. A happy home. As they eat breakfast, there's a knock at the door. The father opens it to find a young woman, hollow-eyed and wraithlike and mad. In her hands, a rifle. "Remember the little girl I once was?" She shoots him where he stands, enters the house, and locks the door...
Minutes later, the family lie bloody. All dead. Lucie calls Anna, who tells her not to move, she'll be right there. In shock, Lucie hangs up. And then she hears it. That terrible, terribly familiar breathing...
Awesome Review-O-Matic
If you've seen Inside or Frontiere(s) or even Haute Tension, you know the French may be squeamish when it comes to war but not in their horror movies.
It be best to break this down like Kool Aid minutes. "Oh Yeah!"
!!!SPOILERS BELOW!!!
The first 35......
The movie starts off in pure insanity as we see a teen Lucie escape from her abductors. We see a childhood friendship develop between the victimized Lucie and her new BFF Anna.It seems our baddies haven't been caught by the cops and poor Lucie is having nightmares of the monsters she left behind.
Fast forward to 15 years later and our French girls are now French foxes. And BOOM! like a mushroom cloud we get carnage. Lucie believes she's found those mofo's that tortured her.
Lucie is blasting Dad, mom, Peter Brady and Jan to kingdom come with a freakin shotgun. It's insane first few minutes.
I've never seen such bloody crassness in a while. Lucie goes all child-a-cide killing little swimmer Jan. It's so brutal, you may feel sick. But this is the new wave, and the Rottweiler French horror has gone postal. The beginning is pure mystery, Scooby Doo-ey in a way. Questions are raised. Who abducted and tortured poor Lucie? Is she sure this normal Brady bunch family did it? What is this thing chasing after her?
The next 35........
As Lucie gets bombarded by her dreammares, she starts to self mutilate herself. She starts to slice her arms, back and hand via figments of her torture-verse. Meanwhile, Anna starts to doubt Lucie's saneness and starts to Reservoir Dogs the mess thats been made by cleaning up bodies and calming Lucie the fuck down.
But Lucie has gone cuckoo and slits her throat.
Later, have a brief mourn Anna finds a hidden compartment and works her way down to a lab of horrors. She finds a deprived, almost corpselike body of a woman who she attempts to heal. But shits too late for her. These scenes are like Lynchian and surreal blocks of fuckedupness. The woman is naked and scarred and has a device that has been nailed to her head that blinds her. It's almost like a death piece of art. The one thing most people have agreed upon is that it's breathtaking to see these images on screen. Nothing, and I mean nothing will prepare you for this level of sheer horror.
But I've always said, if I have not seen it before, that's a plus. And if it works within the boundaries of the film, then the amplification goes off the scale.
This all comes crashing down as our poor medievaled victim is blown away by the abductors.
The last 35........
Now Anna is told the experiment into martyrdom by an old lady. It seems the religious are not the only ones to experience the world of martyrdom.
And so begins the torture-core of Anna. It's by far a very difficult thing to watch. Almost bordering on the rape scene in Irreversible.
Anna is fed what looks to be pea soup, beaten constantly, forced to expel her self via a bucket and her head is shaved.
These constant fade ins and outs of Anna's torture are sick to the gut. If one can watch these 20 or so minutes, it's like a running a marathon of horror-core.
Though, how does one survive within the world of this film. She's lets herself go and accepts her fate. This is then leads to her torturers to skin her entire body except her face.
And in this act of letting go, she is the 4th to experience what the movie is about......
Seeing what lies after death.
Because as we are told, Martyr means to witness and that is what Anna becomes.
The thing about every torture porn like flick is you feel super duper empathy towards the victim. Every fiber in your being hopes the victim will go all Kill Bill and somehow escape and kill off the sicko killers. I had that inkling too. Maybe she would kill off these fucked up people and escape.
But that never happens....and seriously that's a good thing.
The whole point of Martyrs is to flip that shit upside down. The big bad evil at the end seems to have a religiously and scientific (sorta) reason of why they are doing this. It's not rich people or some old guy spewing out a "live your life" philosophy. Jigsaw is just evil and so are the wealthy Madoffs.
This world within Martyrs has cult like normals wanting to know what lay beyond. Does the end results justify the means?
Oh believe me, I still want all those people to get tortured and Abu Gharabed, but its almost Argento-y in a way where this insanity is logical.
This film isn't without its negatives. It paces way to long and drags and drags. It also destroys all logic (where the fuck are the police?) But the biggest gripe comes in that the torture that Lucie, Anna and the other victims go through seems pointless until the end. And even the revelation that this is an experiment into martyrdom and what lays beyond death is almost bordering on just being plain stupid.
Shit dude, this was the plot of Flatliners!
But it is a film thats spawned a new subgenre. Uber-surreal torture-core horror.
And that's an accomplishment. Gore-ipedia
Shotgun blasts Sliced arms Shotgun blast to the head Corpse walking art LOTS AND LOTS of torture Skinned alive
Nude-ipedia
I'm going to have to say tortured victim nudity doesn't count Brief boobies from Anna
WTF moment
A skinned Anna witnessing
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Martyrs is not as good as Inside which to me for now is the pinnacle of all that is French horror. But its new progeny Martyrs, it's as good as advertised.
Be warned, it's not a movie with any semblance of plot, or an in depth look into characterology or any sort of "horror" kills.
It's something new and that should be something we all need to witness.
I've been watching horror movies for well over 20 years. And I went through a big indie movie period as a teenager where I wanted to see totally obscure flicks...sorta going all Jarmuschy.
One of the flicks that sticks with me is a French horror-omedy called Man Bites Dog.
Shot in a docustyle, it follows a serial killer named Ben who has a camera crew documenting his life.
It's so disturbing and sick and fuckin revolting, that you want to watch more.
This is one of the first movies that gained instant cultness in my book. Everybody who calls themselves a jaded viewer should see this.
Oh how do I begin my review of JCVD. Oh screw it. I loved this film from beginning to end. And I'm not just saying that because we here at the jaded viewer are big fuckin JCVD fans.
To get a full appreciation of JCVD one has to know the panorama that is Van Damme's career. Insano Steve and I are mother fuckin experts when it comes to this as we've seen every one of his movies.
Let me say that again so you all can understand the rarity of such a thing.
WE'VE SEEN EVERY JEAN CLAUDE VAN DAMME MOVIE EVER MADE.
This includes the JCVD golden era (Bloodsport, Kickboxer, Lionheart, Universal Soldier etc), the JCVD Silver era (Hard Target, Time Cop, Sudden Death) and the JCVD Bronze era (The Quest, Maximum Risk, US: The Return). Of course, there is the JCVD Bargain Bin era (his straight to DVD made in Bulgaria, character action flicks which include Replicant, In Hell, Second in Command, etc.)
So experts would be us. I mean we even established a JCVD spinkick rating system.
So believe me when I say that we can safely put JCVD into the pantheon that is the golden era. It's got a docu feel filled with more or less some truthiness. If you could make a pseudo memoir into a movie, this would be it. Add the fact it's freakin funny as hell and has some genuine emotion from Van Damme, you've got Van Damme's first character driven flick he's ever made.
And I gotta admit, Van Damme plays himself perfectly.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
Between his tax problems and his legal battle with his wife for the custody of his daughter, these are hard times for the action movie star. In JCVD, Jean-Claude Van Damme returns to the country of his birth but finds himself in the middle of a robbery gone awry.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
From the opening scene of a one take action scene taking place in a nameless war zone, I was getting my spinkick on. JCVD was kicking the crap out of baddies, shooting them out of the sky and saving the damsel in distress.
Ahh the action hero of all action heroes as we all see him via the cinema. But as we plopped along, we delved into a biopic mode and saw how are former action hero as to cope with the custody of his daughter and make a living as a Bulgarian action star.
The film is told in four non-linear sections showing different persepctives. We see the public’s POV of the events, Van Damme’s POV, and before and after the robbery.
Each little tidbit gives us a glimpse into JCVD, how he's perceived and how he perecives himself. It's Van Damme's acting (I'm serious!) that can't be ignored. In some sporadic moments, Van Damme's english accent is dominant, but the natural French speaking JCVD portrays himself effortlessly (hey why don't you try acting as a hyper meta variation of yourself, I think it's fuckin hard).
Each of the section's has highlights that create a complex man, one that even E's A True Hollywood story couldn't do justice.
Public POV
Van Damme's many fans are present as taxi cab drivers, video store clerks, cops and bank robbers are in awe of the man. One improvised scene has JCVD chatting up a taxi cab woman as fan meets superstar. Done so well, so simple, you appreciate a scene where only a few words tell an emotional landscape.
Another scene has a "big" fan have JCVD show off his trademark high leg kick. Every JCVD fan gets it. We get his "stretching" abilities, his kick ass persona, his Hollywood "He brought John Woo to America".
Wink Wink.
In one final climactic scene, we get what we wanted as we see Van Damme kicks ass in front of the crowd. He then proceeds to high five fellow officers and taps his chest in a moment of total self ego. Totally fuckin awesome. So classic. So Van Damme.
Before the Robbery
As JCVD fights for the custody of his daughter, we see via flashbacks as a lawyer bashes JCVD on the flicks he has made (see the trailer). Totally funny, dead on and inside joke heavy. We also peek in on convos JC has with his agent.
The best lines stem from JC's "Bulgaria producer funded flicks" (so true) and his character action motivated films. He soon finds out he has lost a part to his nemesis Steven Seagal (because Seagal was willing to cut off his dumbass pony tail) . Seagal still makes movies? Really? Oh how the mighty have fallen. The true JCVD fans know EXACTLY what he's talking about which make it an atomic bomb of full on hilarity.
Van Damme’s POV
As the robbery progresses, JCVD is thought to be the mastermind behind the robbery. In truth, 3 bumbling robbers are keeping everybody hostage and using Van Damme to make their demands. It's Van Damme's authenticity of helping the hostages and saving his own ass that make JC's performance so mesmerizing.
The truly standout scene is initiated where we see him have a out of body floating-ish monologue about his past drug addictions, his family and wives and the price of Hollywood stardom.
It was like a spinkick of acting. A Dim Mak right into the stomach. Van Damme screaming "Uncle". Totally fuckin mesmerizing.
After the Robbery
The ending is seemingly a parody of real life stars in goofy improbable situations. But it ends nicely. Touching and emotional. Totally NOT LIKE a regular JCVD flick.
Like driving on a hill, we get some highs and lows. Awesome-rific moments of pure funnyness, some real nitty gritty suspense and action, wads of gut wrenching, crying Van Damme emotions and a character variation of this man called Jean Claude Van Damme.
You couldn't write a better character. Because you can't make this stuff up because most of it is true.
Awesome flick. One of the top 5 movie of 2008 easily.
Influences
Watch all of JCVDs library of flicks
Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read) Hahahahahaha. This isn't gore you're looking for. Move along.
Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)
Nada. WTF moment
It's this scene I mentioned before.
[We get what we wanted as we see Van Damme kicks ass in front of the crowd. He then proceeds to high five fellow officers and taps his chest in a moment of total self ego. Totally fuckin awesome. So classic. So Van Damme.]
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
You knew I was going to give this 4 spinkicks didn't you? One of the best movies of 2008. For the true JCVD fan, this has to be seen. For the art house, indie movie crowd, it's perfect.
JCVD was suppose to be on hand for a Q and A after the movie but alas he had to care for his sick dog or was it reshoots for Full Love, I'm not sure anymore.
Insano Steve says that Van Damme is not allowed in the country anymore. We also realized we hadn't seen a Van Damme movie in the theatre since 1999.
I was glad to see JCVD back in the theatres. It was about fuckin time.
I'm so fuckin excited. Today I'm going to see the NYC premiere of JCVD at the Angelika. If you're in the NYC area, you should check it out.
Van Damme was suppose to do a live appearance Q and A after the screening but crap, he had to do reshoots of his new movie Full Love. Fuckity, fuck...
I had so many questions for him.
Will there be Replicant 2? Will the success of JCVD propel him back to theatrical spinkicking US blockbuster releases? Can he kick Tony Jaa's ass? What the hell happened to "Kumite"? Is that shit still in the works?
Dammit. What a lost opportunity.
Oh well. But JCVD is getting tons of great reviews. The trailer looks megatastic.
District 13: Ultimatum
