a jaded viewer reviews the world of horror, splatter, gore, cult, grindhouse, trash, b-movie, erotica, indie, asian and exploitation films
Thursday, August 06, 2009
Uwe Boll Rampage (Trailer)
OK don't all hate me at once. But I'll admit, I thought Postal wasn't half bad. I know it's the "cool" thing to hate on the Uwe Boll. And indeed, all his movies based on video games sucked like a newborn on her mommy's boobies. But before I bash the German goremeister, I have made it a point to actually see the flick before I trash it.
And I've seen House of the Dead, Alone in the Dark, Bloodrayne and Dungeon Seed (and yes they all have sucked). I haven't seen Tunnel Rats, Far Cry and Stoic as of yet. Just because everybody says it sucks doesn't mean I'm joining the damn bandwagon. I'm going to be the fuckin triangle in the square hole and think otherwise.
So after watching the trailer for Rampage, it actually looks pretty fucked up (like happy good fucked up). It actually reminded me of a movie by Boll's special effects master Olaf Ittenbach called Poison (watch the trailer here)
Here be the plot.
A man with a thirst for revenge builds a full body armor from Kevlar and goes on a killing spree.
Check out the trailer below. Rampage will premiere at the Fantasic Fest in Texas.
A new extended trailer has been released for The Eagle Path, the new character action movie from the muscles from Brussels, Jean Claude Van Damme.
We still have no fuckin idea when this is going to get released but I love how the new trailer sums up the plot to obliterate people so that he can rescue a women (who I think is a hooker).
He then recruits a bunch of his buddies to help him.
Hmm, maybe this is why Jean Claude turned down The Expendables. Maybe this movie is like Stallone's. But whereas The Expendables is testosterone, roided up action porn, JCVD's looks to be the Skinemax equivelant.
If you forgot the plot, see below.
A military veteran and former mercenary, Frenchy (Van Damme) works as a taxi driver, hiding somewhere in East Asia, haunted by his past. After his driving shifts he often frequents the Eagle's Nest, a seedy bar that houses a caged eagle. In the midst of the chaotic Asian traffic Frenchy picks up a beautiful female passenger who will change him forever.
Driven by dark memories of his childhood, he becomes determined to improve her life and, without her approval, he embarks on a journey which proves to be more dangerous and complicated then he expected. After encountering a series of harrowing obstacles he calls in favors from his special ops friends who immediately join him. His military team engages in the biggest fight of their lives. War is hell, but nothing they've done could have prepared them for this.
It’s an adrenaline-fueled, full-on, maximum firepower thriller, filled with the intense psychological conflict that Van Damme fans love the world over.
Check out the new, longer full extended trailer below.
It's always a big event here at the jaded viewer when a new Jean Claude Van Damme movie looms over the horizon. JCVD is back in The Eagle Path, a movie he wrote, edited and directed.
I mean look at that fuckin poster! He's holding a damn hand cannon.
And the freakin tagline is: Haunted By The Past, His Vengeance Knows No Limits.
OH FUCKIN YEAH HIS VENGEANCE KNOWS NO FUCKIN LIMITS!!!!
He's Jean Claude Van Damme!
Trailer looks pretty "character action" oriented. Just the way JCVD likes it. Lots of car chases, double fisting Woo-ish gun battles and a freakin eagle.
What's not to like?
Check out the plot.
A military veteran and former mercenary, Frenchy (Van Damme) works as a taxi driver, hiding somewhere in East Asia, haunted by his past. After his driving shifts he often frequents the Eagle's Nest, a seedy bar that houses a caged eagle. In the midst of the chaotic Asian traffic Frenchy picks up a beautiful female passenger who will change him forever.
Driven by dark memories of his childhood, he becomes determined to improve her life and, without her approval, he embarks on a journey which proves to be more dangerous and complicated then he expected. After encountering a series of harrowing obstacles he calls in favors from his special ops friends who immediately join him. His military team engages in the biggest fight of their lives. War is hell, but nothing they've done could have prepared them for this.
It’s an adrenaline-fueled, full-on, maximum firepower thriller, filled with the intense psychological conflict that Van Damme fans love the world over.
The Eagle Path will be premiering at Cannes and TIFF this summer.
Check out the trailer below. Thanks to Twitch for the heads up.
Gallowwalker is speculated to be Wesley Snipes return to a theatrical release-hood. So if Snipes can do it, why can't JCVD?
I mean Snipes was indicted for tax invasion and he gets the Hollywood greenlight? Has JCVD ever been arrested for a crime? (Oh yeah.... drugs, girl trouble and he got sued by the real Frank Dux)
Well I gotta admit, Gallowwalker looks Paul W.S. Anderson-ish and has a slight video gamey effect but the premise has got me stoked.
A gunman knows too well the ways of vengeance. Fast and furious, he has killed every man who crossed him. But his gift with a gun comes with a curse. All those who die by his hand will return. Enter the world of gallowwalker, where vengeance lives forever.
Live by the gun. Die by the gun. Come back for more...
Western zombie gun slinging goodness or straight to DVD Uwe Boll garbage?
Tyrese Gibson: A Jaded Viewer True Hollywood Story
I asked Insano Steve for a review of The Take. After a few weeks of prodding, he said he couldn't write a review that was potently funny or ridiculously entertaining. (I find this hard to believe as The Take seems ripe with some MST3K quips ready to be made). Instead he decided a Tyrese retrospective would be a better fit.
So here is Insano Steve's retrospective.
Tyrese Gibson: A Jaded Viewer True Hollywood Story
By Insano Steve
If somebody asked me "Who is your favorite actor?", I don't think I would have an answer. But if somebody asked "Who is your favorite BLACK actor?", my answer would be easy, Tyrese.
Tyrese is famous for his Coke commercial where he starts spontaneously singing in the back of a bus. He's also a model and has a semi-successful R&B singing career.
But what I'm sure he is most proud of, is his acting career. Tyrese can be found starring and co-starring in such fine films as Baby Boy, 2 Fast 2 Furious, Four Brothers, Annapolis, Waist Deep, Transformers, and his latest film, The Take. Before I review The Take, let's answer some important questions about Tyrese and his films first:
1) Q: Is Tyrese a good actor?
A: Oh God no. He pretty much plays the same character in all his films.
2) Q: Is Tyrese a good black actor?
A: Hells yeah. I guess here's the distinction. Sure, I don't think Tyrese is an Oscar winning actor like Denzel Washington or Morgan Freeman or DMX, but Tyrese's movies are always great fun. When you see Tyrese on the screen, you know somebody is about to get shot. And that's how you should feel in any good black movie.
3) Q: Wait a minute, Tyrese is a model and sings really gay love songs, how come he plays thugs in all his movies?
A: That's kind of the beauty of it. Knowing his background, you pretty much know that his roles are not authentic and/or "keeping it real". Therefore when he shoots some poor bastard, it's just that much more funny. It's like watching Wayne Brady as a criminal in 'Crossover'.
4) Q: I heard Tyrese shoots a gun in every movie he's in, that can't be true right?
A: Yeah, that's pretty much right. That's his claim of distinction. These days, a good black movie is really hard to come by. Instead we have Tyler Perry bullshit or another Ice Cube family comedy.
Seriously, what the fuck?
Things were so much better when movies were just about crime and poverty. And the soundtrack badly outsold the movie. Well, there's still hope, because Tyrese is still out there shooting people.
5) Q: C'mon, no way, every movie?
A: Well, let's look at this on an itemized film by film basis via imdb.com:
This movie hasn't been made but I'll just guess yes. Hopefully this movie won't make Tyrese a star and cause him to sellout to roles in non-black movies.
Easily the biggest movie Tyrese has been in. You probably wouldn't notice he's in it though with all that transforming going on. He plays the black guy that keep's shooting people and robots.
His 2nd greatest role. His character, O2, defies police, gangs, the Game, and logic to rob banks and flee to Mexico with hotness that is Meagan Good. Oh yeah, he's forced to rob banks cause the Game kidnapped his kid. He'd never rob banks otherwise. The legendary O-Dog from 'Menace to Society' in this. Oh yeah, he shoots people in this, many of whom die.
I never actually saw this. The trailer about a bunch a dudes in the Navy training camp just seemed a little gay. Harry Osbourne from the Spiderman movies stars in this. Tyrese plays his commanding officer, and pretty much hazes the shit out of him. Very likely, a gun is fired along the way.
Here he plays one of the two black brothers. This movie is on TNT a lot but I always miss the ending. It's kinda stupid with Marky Mark and Andree 3000 and some other white guy playing his brothers. Alas, he does shoot people.
His greatest work. He plays Jody and he pretty much is a good for nothing thug with 2 baby mamas, no job, no car, and his mom's wants him out of the house. Marsellus Wallace teaches him some sense by throwing him through a glass coffee table. Cuba Gooding's brother in this movie and is awesome as the hopeless thug, Sweetpea. Snoop Dogg in this too, wearing the baggiest wife-beater ever put on film.
Without a doubt, the best black movie in the last 10 years. Tupac was supposed to star in this originally. Tyrese kills it in this movie (figuratively and otherwise). Movie caused me to Google chickenhead and hoodrat. Who knew there was such a subtle difference between them?
Before there was Death Sentence or the soon to be released The Brave One, there was one vigilante movie that broke the mold. Straight out of NYC's grindhouse reels was Ms. 45.
Abel Ferrara's rape-revenge masterpiece is classic 70's grindhouse at its best.
Plagiarizing from the IMDB plot summary:
Plot:
A mute woman gets raped twice coming home from work and decides to take matters into her own hands. She dresses suggestively and roams the streets alone, reaking vengeance upon anyone who tries to take advantage of her. Eventually her secret life spills over into her regular life in the fashion industry.
Trailer:
Rewind the Insanity:
This movie is such great fun. Ferrara made this movie after Driller Killer (his NYC slasher killer masterpiece) and he goes into Repulsion, Last House on the Left (1972) and I Spit on Your Grave (aka Day of the Women) (1978) territory. Made in 1981, its full of vague vignettes and gritty NYC dialect conversation. Hoodlums, thugs, lowlives, pimps and degenerates. You gotta love NYC back in the late 70's early 80's. You get the feel for the times and the utter piece of shit decay of Gotham.
It's as fucked up as advertised. She does get raped....twice. Our killer protagonist Thana (played by the sexy Zoe Lund) kills her second attacker and grabs his gun and then she starts to go all Charles Bronson. Never has seeing a sexy fashionista mute woman holding a hand cannon look so good.
The ending is completely nuts and should be viewed multiple times. Decapitated head and all.
OK don't all hate me at once. But I'll admit, I thought Postal wasn't half bad. I know it's the "cool" thing to hate on the Uwe Boll. And indeed, all his movies based on video games sucked like a newborn on her mommy's boobies. But before I bash the German goremeister, I have made it a point to actually see the flick before I trash it.
