a jaded viewer reviews the world of horror, splatter, gore, cult, grindhouse, trash, b-movie, erotica, indie, asian and exploitation films
Wednesday, March 03, 2010
Ringu & Ringu 2 (Review)
Ringu
Directed by Hideo Nakata, Chisui Takigawa
Insano Steve says: The wildly popular Ring is the story of an urban legend where the watching of a certain videotape will cause you to die within a week's time. Female journalist tries to find the existence of this tape and how it came to being. Assisting her is psychic friend who has sight beyond sight which leads to a mysterious island where the secret is revealed. Atmospheric horror neo-classic has unforgettably chilling ending. Be wary of tapes given to you by strangers who have died recently.
See the Japanese version of this film before Hollywood bastardizes the shit out of it. (oh wait they did and according to Insano Steve, the American version was better!)
Rating:
Ringu 2
Directed by Hideo Nakata
Insano Steve says: Sequel to the Ring explores more of the historical part of the urban legend. Better than the original in many ways, we see a new female investigator trying a bring an end to this curse once and for all. You'd think people would stop watching that tape after so many people died but there probably isn't a whole lot to watch on TV in Japan.
At least Japan is still making quality horror flicks unlike the films defecated out of Hollywood.
Insano Steve says: Old widower decides he'd like to remarry now in his old age and has his friend (a movie producer) hold a bogus movie audition to find his perfect mate. Old guy finds woman of his dreams but low and behold, she's crazy. Very exciting ending and extremely well crafted thriller. Departure from the usual Miike insanity. Slow but worth the wait. HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
Insano Steve says: Teenage Yakuza Riki Fudoh has his underage crime syndicate running like clockwork. His team features child assassins and women who shoot vaginal blowgun darts and the usual assortment of misfits. But to claim control of Kyushu island, he must off his father who is the leader of the controlling Yakuza. Fortunately, this can only be achieved violently with as much bloodshed as possible.
Based on a Manga. Gratuitous beheadings, acid burning and hermaphrodites (God bless those sexually gifted freaks) are always appreciated.
I didn't really expect a good movie as I popped OneChanbara into my DVD player but I mean the cover has a girl with samurai swords, a cowboy hat and she's wearing a bikini. Least this could have been was Japanese Skinemax.
But it turns out OneChanbara, which is based on a PS2/Xbox game wasn't a Versus like zombie movie or Japanese hentai. It turned out to be some low end, cash in video game movie that was probably directed by the Japanese Uwe Boll.
Egads.
So who is this girl on the cover? Her name is Aya, some mystical assassin with kick ass sword skills that by pressing "X" alot with "square" enables her to slaughter the attacking zombie hordes. She's got a fat fuck Japanese guy with her that plays as comic relief and Reiko, a shot gun toting zombie renegade.
Mission wise, they go from setting to setting killing zombies until they reach Dr. Sugita and his protege Saki (who is Aya's sister). Various hadoukens later, she kills her sister and they ride into the zombie filled sunset.
Yawn.
The girl on the cover was mute for most of the movie and oddly wasn't hot as I thought she was gonna be. Also, you've got your standard Sailor Moon schoolgirl outfits, zombies who use weapons and various goofy CGI.
I haven't seen a good Japanese zombie in a while and had low expectations for this but I'm eager to get our next good Japanese zombie movie. You listening Japan? Get to it.
Rating:
1/2 a
Here's the trailer.
Wow these video game trailers have more skin than the movie....
Screw Legion! The Japanese have their own versions of angels vs demons and it may out legion, Legion. Directed by Mamoru Oshii who gave us Ghost in a Shell and Sky Crawlers, we may have our first international feud in this heaven vs hell subgenre of scifi/horror.
Check out the teaser below.
Compared to Legion (Red Band trailer below), which do you think will be more megapocalyptic? Hey, you know for a fact, Tyrese will shoot a gun in Legion.
Everybody talks about trying to get to know somebody else's culture. We Americans talk big, we want to know what life is like outside our borders. But in the end, we mock whats different to us. However, we sometimes embrace other cultures and blend them into our own.
So we can sometimes "get" that dry British humor or add in a Mexican phrase into our lexicon. But I gotta admit, I believe I've only glimpsed the pop culture world of Japan. So after watching Big Man Japan the fact that I know exactly what they are trying to mock makes it totally universal.
Big Man Japan is the ultimate mockumentary of the big monster/Ultraman/superhero subgenre in Japanese subcultures. And it's unbelievably brilliant.
Working off that Office-y feel and throwing in CGI monster battles to boot, I've never seen anything like Big Man Japan. It's a blend of sentimental sadness, hilarious spoof-a-rama and an ending of Monty Python like proportions.
I cannot contain myself with how wonderful and uber-funny Big Man Japan is. Tears streamed from my eyes from continuous laughter.....which ultimately in my book equate to 3 spinkicks of HA HA HA. Boring Plot-O-Matic
A middle-aged slacker living in a rundown, graffiti-ridden slum, Daisato’s job involves being shocked by bolts of electricity that transform him into a stocky, stick-wielding giant several stories high who is entrusted with defending Japan from a host of bizarre monsters.
But while his predecessors were national heroes, he is a pariah among the citizens he protects, who bitterly complain about the noise and destruction of property he causes. And Daisato has his own problems - an agent insistent on branding him with sponsor advertisements, an Alzheimer-afflicted grandfather who transforms into a giant in dirty underwear, and a family who is embarrassed by his often cowardly exploits.
A wickedly deadpan spin on the giant Japanese superhero, BIG MAN JAPAN is an outrageous portrait of a pathetic but truly unique hero.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
I am not going to go scene by scene as I usually do when I start ranting about a flick I love. Suffice it to say, you need to watch this movie squeaky clean to get the full effect.
But I will tell you a few tidbits to get this on your Netflix or torrent que.
Told in a documentary style gimmick, we meet Daisato. An unseen reporter asks Daisato about his work....which of course entails being Big Man Japan. The questions are often unintentionally (or intentionally) funny and give many moments of pause to Daisato who contemplates his answers like a B list celebrity making sure he gets the best press possible.
The first hour is devoted to this characterology. We see where he lives, what he eats, what others think of him and how he works. Interspliced in all this, we are shown the epic battles between BMJ and the various monsters on the prowl. These include the strangest monsters ever conceived. You have to see it to believe it. Strangler monster, Leaping monster, Stink monster and big red monster are just a few that must battle our hero.
BMJ also has a few people in his life. These include his dog worshipping agent, his grandfather "the fourth" who also served as a Big Man. We also meet his ex wife and a TV blurred daughter who, well let's say has parts of her dad in her.
All this is told in that sympathetic Japanese way, where we are made to care about Daisato. We also discover he doesn't make alot of money, his TV ratings are poor and he has to put sponsored advertisements on his body. This is not your average salaryman.
Every aspect of the movie works perfectly, though sometimes trudges a little long. At 113 minutes, this is a heavyweight of a film where the movie gets you immersed into a land of make believe, one that is so prepostrous I loved every minute of it.
The movie goes back and forth between heartfelt drama and slapstick comedy, to some it may be confusing and may get you film-seasick. But each scene, each moment is so perfectly crafted by Matsumoto, that the fact this was 5 years in the making was time well spent.
Are you still there? You still reading? Well my vagueness is a good thing for this review because the ending is by far the most hilarious scenes I've ever witnessed.
Let me just say this. When you see the "live version" of our favorite TV show Big Man Japan, it was like a moment of clarity.
Everything made sense and it just H-bombed my mind.
Big Man Japan's courage to mock the big robot/radiation spawned monsters of it's pop culture TV and film world is to be applauded. America has done the same to our "grindhouse" culture but Matsumoto does it without being so vicious and curveballing us by making Daisato so puppy doggish you care about him.
But not everybody does. Even though people hate him, he destroys buildings, kills a monster baby and wreaks constant havoc....our hero never wavers, never gives up and always protects his country.
Well actually he didn't do that.
Nevermind.
Gore-ipedia/Nude-ipedia
None of course
WTF moment
The ending. By far one of the funniest endings I've ever seen.
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
The Big Man Japan DVD hits American shores via Magnolia Home Entertainment on July 28th. When it does, get your hands on it. It's culturally universal though I think if you've seen some Ultraman, some Godzilla and some Gamera it would help in noticing the trend of mocks.
Evil Adam will also be posting a review of this and I'll be sending you his take on this awesome flick when its up.
As we Americans do not have a monster subculture (Clover-crap doesn't count) to make fun of, I'm pretty sure this is remake proof.
But remember like I said, we tend to make fun of things we don't understand or sometimes we embrace them. However most of the time, we just steal the idea.
Well obviously I missed a memo back in 2007. Because somehow I totally missed out on the hilarity that is Big Man Japan aka Dai-Nipponjin. How could I miss something this huge? (pun so intended)
Well Magnolia is releasing it next year and I may try to get my hands on this before then.
What's this all about you ask?
The mockumentary saga of what at first appears to be an ordinary Japanese salaryman who turns out to have a very extraordinary job.
What's not to like? Big purple underwear 30 foot tall salaryman, giant Godzilla like monsters, fake buildings and full on Japanese insanity.
Check out the 2 trailers below.
Vague, festival trailer!
Awesome English language/subtitled crazy, weird trailer!
Minoru Kawasaki's cinematic universe is filled with such strange quirky films you wish he had an American counterpart brave enough to be this nuts. Kawasaki has brought us films like The Calamari Wrestler (yes a man in a calamari suit does wrestle) and The World Sinks Except Japan (which I really thought kinda sucked)
In 2005, he came up with Executive Koala.
Fuckin wow.
I mean jeez, check out the plot.
Tamura is an average divorced salaryman in Japan - and also a man-sized, suit-and-tie wearing, upright-walking koala bear. Though not a human being, he's a successful businessman with ventures overseas who refuses to play office politics. He hopes to marry his girlfriend, Yoko, and raise a child.
His visions are of an ordinary life with an ordinary company until his ordinary retirement. But when his girlfriend turns up dead one morning, the police finger the Executive Koala as their prime suspect. Temura runs from Detective Ono and fights to prove his innocence. Tamura wants to know why there are gaps in his memory.
Is he a murderer? Does he have multiple personalities? And what does his bartender (the frog) and his boss (the rabbit) know about the two-hundred year old terrifying secret behind the EXECUTIVE KOALA?
[It's Kekko Kamen Fridays!!! Thanks to Insano Steve, for the next few Fridays we'll have a review of the Kekko Kamen series, a sleazy, Skinemaxish superhero movies straight from the headquarters of the strange, Japan. Insano Steve spared no expense in fleshing out the movies and you'll find his reviews stimulating and penetrating. Pun so intended!]
Japan is a country with no natural resources. It's basically a bunch of barren rocks floating in salt water. But the Japanese have made the most of this unfortunate situation by working 18-hour work days and maintaining a conservative culture. This obviously takes a toll on the Japanese psyche so there must be some outlet for these repressed overworked souls.
Hello Hentai!
Hentai is the happy collision of cartoons and pornography.
The Japanese really love their hentai because:
1) They're perverts.
2) One resource they have is great imaginations. Japan is the most technologically advanced nation in the world. They can't just watch the same old porn over and over.
3) They are youth-obsessed. Hello-Kitty/J-Pop crap is a freaking big deal there. And so are cartoons.
Let's take a look at my favorite hentai (well hentai minus the penetration), the wonderful Kekko Kamen. This was an anime that was ironically turned into a series of live-action movies.
Kekko Kamen (which means "Big Tit Avenger" in English), is the story of a girl, Mayumi, who attends the boarding school, "Toenail of Satan's Spartan Institute of Higher Education".
The school is run by sexual deviants (the ManGriffons/MFG) who use the school to grope, peep, molest and torture the students for their own sexual gratification (hey, like the Catholic Church!).
The students' only protection from the pervs is Kekko Kamen. Our heroine wears only red boots, a mask (with rabbit ears!), gloves, scarf, and her trusted nunchakus. So she's always fully frontally nude.
Oh Yeah!
Her special attack is her flying headscissor move, the "Muffication", which works by asphyxiating her enemy with her radioactive vagina. Kekko’s civilian identity is the one non-pervert teacher at the school. Though this is not technically pornography, it is certainly perverted (in a good way of course) and plenty of fun.
Here's a rundown of the second film in the series Kekko Kamen.
The Kekko series doesn’t really have any continuity so this is a sequel in name only. This time, Mayumi’s in “Celebrity Training School” where she’s learning how to become a celebrity (yeah, seriously). Budget on this one’s maybe $300.
The perversion is way toned down here. Kekko does however unleash her “Special Reverse Crotch Revealer”, which can be described as ‘death by asshole’. The MFG computer’s screen saver is an oscillating dick (huh?). The climax entails the girls being gagged with light bulbs; and Kekko beating up the MFG in what would appear to be the director’s basement.
In evaluating any T&A movie, one must foremost consider the quality of the “T”, and to a lesser extent, the “A”. The actress who plays Kekko Kamen is pretty, but not quite hot (albeit, very naked). The Mayumi actress is cute, but really dopey looking, and not hot at all.
The powers-that-be would recast these 2 principal roles for the next 2 episodes. And with resounding success.....
Rating:
The Trailer (of Part 1, because that opening theme song is so damn catchy!)
[It's Kekko Kamen Fridays!!! Thanks to Insano Steve, for the next few Fridays we'll have a review of the Kekko Kamen series, a sleazy, Skinemaxish superhero movies straight from the headquarters of the strange, Japan. Insano Steve spared no expense in fleshing out the movies and you'll find his reviews stimulating and penetrating. Pun so intended!]
Japan is a country with no natural resources. It's basically a bunch of barren rocks floating in salt water. But the Japanese have made the most of this unfortunate situation by working 18-hour work days and maintaining a conservative culture. This obviously takes a toll on the Japanese psyche so there must be some outlet for these repressed overworked souls.
Hello Hentai!
Hentai is the happy collision of cartoons and pornography.
The Japanese really love their hentai because:
1) They're perverts.
2) One resource they have is great imaginations. Japan is the most technologically advanced nation in the world. They can't just watch the same old porn over and over.
3) They are youth-obsessed. Hello-Kitty/J-Pop crap is a freaking big deal there. And so are cartoons.
Let's take a look at my favorite hentai (well hentai minus the penetration), the wonderful Kekko Kamen. This was an anime that was ironically turned into a series of live-action movies.
Kekko Kamen (which means "Big Tit Avenger" in English), is the story of a girl, Mayumi, who attends the boarding school, "Toenail of Satan's Spartan Institute of Higher Education".
The school is run by sexual deviants (the ManGriffons/MFG) who use the school to grope, peep, molest and torture the students for their own sexual gratification (hey, like the Catholic Church!).
The students' only protection from the pervs is Kekko Kamen. Our heroine wears only red boots, a mask (with rabbit ears!), gloves, scarf, and her trusted nunchakus. So she's always fully frontally nude.
Oh Yeah!
Her special attack is her flying headscissor move, the "Muffication", which works by asphyxiating her enemy with her radioactive vagina. Kekko’s civilian identity is the one non-pervert teacher at the school. Though this is not technically pornography, it is certainly perverted (in a good way of course) and plenty of fun.
Here's a rundown of the first film in the series Kekko Kamen.
Kekko Kamen has the best theme song ever. All movies start and end with this super-catchy theme. My favorite line is "Nobody knows her face, but everybody knows her nipples". That's good shit.
These movies are like only 70 minutes long and have a budget of maybe $200 each. Somehow, they make it work. That’s Japanese efficiency (we have much to learn).
In this episode, Mayumi is attending "Anchorwoman School" for aspiring tele-journalists. Sadly, Mayumi is kinda dumb so she gets punished by being tied up and whipped half-naked on a rocking horse.
There's also some forced extreme teeth brushing (don’t ask).
Later on, Kekko saves Mayumi from a sexually charged eel attack. She also returns all the panties that the school had been harvesting from the student body.
Alas, Mayumi does not get to be an anchorwoman and the ManGriffons escape with the help their teleporter (which is shaped like a dick).
The one thing you can count on from Takashi Miike, Japan's uber cult film director, is that from start to finish your going on a drugged up Kool aid magic carpet ride of super duper violence and scenarios that would make your mom cry.
Miike goes back to high school with Crow Zero aka Kurôzu zero. Yakuza, bullying and power hungry rivals. What else do you need?
Based on a manga (doesn't it seem all Japanese movies are from mangas?), it's big budget blockbusters for the masses.
In the future, the teenagers of Japan have become like the teenagers of the U.S. (lazy, narcissistic, obnoxious, ignorant, prone to violence/sex/drugs/MTV). To combat this, Japan creates a program to kill one class of students each year. 30 students go on an island with the last student standing only, allowed to live.
Kids receive weapons from the powers that be and are off to kill each other in most entertaining ways. Is actually as good as it sounds. Includes a counter of how many students remain alive. With Beat Takashi as their teacher. Great concept, if only it were real.
Japanese insanity has reached American shores in the form of the craziest, weirdest film people are raving about. It's Funky Forest: The First Contact.
Ringu
