Friday, October 30, 2009

Happy Halloween from the jaded viewer!


Ahh Halloween. It isn't until tomorrow but I'm sure everybody is prepping their costumes for parties and parades.

So I'll take this time for you to dig through my limited Halloween archives. Below is some of my Halloween themed posts and reviews. And as a trick and a treat, I've posted some of Adam Green's Halloween shorts. Enjoy! Now share some candy will ya?

jaded viewer Halloween linkage:

Trick 'r Treat (Review)
Rob Zombie's Halloween (Review)
Sexy Halloween Costumes

NYC Haunted House Review linkage:


Nightmare: Vampires (Super Scary Review)
Blood Manor (Super Scary Review)
Insano Steve vs Blood Manor (Review)

Adam Green Halloween shorts

Jack Chop






The Tiffany Problem





Happy Halloween!

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Monday, October 26, 2009

NYC Haunted House: Blood Manor (Review)


[First a disclaimer: I'd like to thank Claire and Joan from Blood Manor's PR staff for the opportunity to visit. Insano Steve and I had a great time and got totally spooked and thrilled by all the actors and awesome designs of each room. Thanks! Also, I have some pics of the crowd and the exterior. None of the interior. With a week to go before Halloween, you'll have to experience it for yourself!]

On a rainy Friday night, I invited Insano Steve to go with me to Blood Manor, New York's premier haunted house. I had already went to Nightmare: Vampires, so a visit to the more high budgeted, very popular and uber famous Blood Manor would complete my pre-Halloween frightfest.

The Friday night crowd was massive. A line had formed prior to the 7:30pm opening and you could tell people were revved up to get their scare on. Tweens, teenagers, Joe and Joanna Moviegoer, tourists, jabronis and horror geeks and core-ists all huddled together for a night of chills and thrills.

Located on 27th St between 10th and 11th Avenue, it was a walk to get to, but well worth it. Oddly enough it's located across the street from the infamous Scores strip club (how ironic that horror and boobies go together).

Blood Manor is the Michael Bay of NY Haunted Houses. It's got high production values, extraordinary sets, rooms that dazzle the eye and horror professionals who know how to get under your skin. To top it all off, they've added a 3D fright vision. Blood Manor is the equivalent of a summer blockbuster movie filled with twists and turns, jump scares and film homages to all that is great about horror.

It doesn't lack in imagination. Any nightmare you may have dreamed of is alive at Blood Manor. From your favorite slasher to dysfunctional serial killer families, you'll see them living and breathing and talking right next to you. Walking though Blood Manor is taking a journey into your worst fears come to life. But if the psychological isn't enough the inner gorehound in you will be given a happy. Severed heads, decapitated arms, stomach churning blood soaked rooms are all on display. It's like the best of both worlds.

The inital entrance gets you spooked right off. Joining a group of 4 others (6 people enter at a time) Steve and I entered complete darkness. It really is disconcerting to be in complete darkness actually knowing somebody who is paid to scare you WILL scare you.

The whole experience can take as long as 20 minutes but going nice and slow and pacing yourself pays off in the end. 30-40 minutes should be your average time to get the whole experience. In the first few rooms, Steve quickly disappeared from sight. I quickly called out to him, slightly concerned he'd fallen into hell or was being tortured by some chainsaw wielding psycho.

"Steve! You there?!?" Where the hell are you?", I screamed.
"You lost? How the hell can you get lost in the first room?", I asked.

Still in a room of utter darkness, I was greeted by some rather insidious cackling and a voice whispering in my ear, "Where's Steve?" The voice sarcastically repeated my question over and over again.

"Steve's not here, he's probably dead." added another voice.

I gotta admit, that was a hell of an interactive experience. Knowing Steve, he'd probably taken a wrong turn and got lost. He was probably either fascinated by some cannibal carnage or in the seventh level of hell. (Steve will post his own review, so he can tell you his experience in his own words).

Later, Steve found his way back on the interstate and we continued the journey. Our party soon disappeared being scared shitless and running out of the rooms like they had witnessed a murder. Steve and I however, admired each room to its fullest using the slow burn approach.

The greatest part of Blood Manor is the anticipation of entering each room. Before you enter, you gulp some air and put on your brave face. But it really doesn't help, because the rooms are designed to get you mesmerized and excited. Your admiring a toilet with a decapitated head and looking at a burnt up Chucky doll. It's mega cool. So in this daze of awe, you get caught with your proverbial pants down when some costumed grotesque comes out of nowhere and scares you.

It works every time and in every room. It's a tried and true formula.

Some of the rooms that caught my eye were just spectacular. A zombie strippers roomer was appropriately stimulating. A pig slaughterhouse with pigs hanging on meathooks provided a fun chaotic runaround. A few poor souls were in a torture chamber well being tortured. Another room menaces you with snake fear. In one room, a rather ghoulish she-devil, informed me of her devious plan asking what I should do with the severed head she was a carrying.

I responded, "Toss it, it looks like Lindsay Lohan."

Another room was a sickly recreation of Texas Chainsaw Massacre's infamous dinner table scene that was quite clever. The one thing Blood Manor isn't short of is using the chainsaw to get you cut up with scares.

Kudos to the actors who play ninja all day to get you frightened. I make myself an active participant in these places. I like to talk to the actors and exchange some quick banter, either by trying to be all quirky and funny (making them get out of character) or by replying to their hilarious demands just to see what they would do next. You should do the same. If one escaped asylum patient asks "Where's my medicine?" Respond by pointing to an oblivious stranger in your party. It really works and it's funny to scare the shit out of someone. With the actors are animatronics interspered throughout each room. You never know if a prop may be an actor, a animatronic machine or just a simple prop.

As we approached the tail end of the house, we were given 3D glasses and were greeted by the most terrifying creature of all.

A freakin clown.

I know clowns are not all people's kryptonite, but they do make me feel a little weirded out. The 3D is quite ingenious as everything around you becomes amplified including the actors. It works effectively as your eye is so dazzled by the neon and bright colored lights, you don't see the evil lurking around the corner.

One of the most eclectic people you'll meet during this time is what I have dubbed the "Happy Killer", a very cute but serial killer Alice in Wonderland girl. It made me chuckle to hear her recite her lines. Think Harley Quinn come to life.

Strobe lights will come into play later and chainsaw sickos are quickly on your tail. And thus your journey ends.

Blood Manor is so jampacked with horror goodies, it's like a carnival of wickedness. You really feel like they've made every effort to get you scared and the level of detail in every room is quite magnificent. The team at Blood Manor is very aware of horror culture, referencing all your favorite slasher icons and adding a few of their own. Simply, it's the perfect dessert after eating a bucket full of candy goodness.

I believe the only drawback will be the crowds and the massive line you'll have to endure to get to this live action freak show. But if you do brave the weather and the rooms, there is no other haunted house like Blood Manor. It really lives up to the hype its received and shows why its one of the best haunted houses in the nation.

So if you are brave enough to head over to Blood Manor, put on your courage suit of armor and get some knights and damsels to come with you. Just remember, if you get lost you'll be all alone. Well, you're not really going to be alone. You'll have zombies, psychos, maniacs, demons, ghouls and all the freaks to keep you company. Good luck.

jaded viewer related linkage:

Insano Steve vs Blood Manor (Review)


Blood Manor is open now and will be open all Halloween week (excluding Monday). Check out the schedule at the official site. This week, the hours run to 1am and on Fridays and Saturday run up to 2am.

It's located at 542 West 27th Street (btwn 10th & 11th Ave).

Tickets at the door are $30. Online for $25 and there are special "RIP" passes at $40.

Here are some links for more information.


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Insano Steve vs Blood Manor (Review)



So the jadedviewer asks me "Hey, you want to check out this haunted house?". Initially, I was very skeptical of the experience. I'm about as "jaded" as they come to such silly so-called interactive role playing adventures. But with the promise of free tickets, who was I to say no? So off to the 'Blood Manor' we went, .....

On a cold wet Friday, we proceeded to the far far far west side of Manhattan to the infamous Blood Manor. As we approached our destination on the desolate street, suddenly my jabroni sense started tingling. Lo and behold, the jabronis were out in force that night. Much to my surprise, it was not fun loving hipsters waiting on line. Instead, the jabronis skewed younger, and much more ethnic. This was not the usual horror crowd. My indifference was slowly increasing.

With the power of the jadedviewer's press credentials, we were whisked to the very front of the line by the friendly PR lady. Oh yes, the guilty pleasure of preferential treatment! Yeah, I hate those people when I'm on the other side, but when you're getting the VIP treatment, it beats the hell out of waiting in the rain like a sucka. Our tour guide really sold us on the horror that awaited us, and that along with skipping the line, actually got me pretty psyched for our trip through the house.

What first struck me was how high the production values were in the individual rooms. Each room had a specific theme to them and the specific details in each were quite impressive. The mannequins in the rooms and the animatronic characters were all well researched and realistic enough. The actors' makeup was movie quality and their acting was professional yet lighthearted.

My favorite room was the 'Apocalypto' room with the caged cannibals and random savages. Other highlights included the slaughterhouse, the stripper zombies and semi-hot ghoul girls, multiple cameos by slasher movie icons, the 3D rooms, and the guy with a penis for a head. These may sound like spoilers but you really have to experience for yourself to take it all in. If you are somebody predisposed to be scared by horror movies, this will definitely be a huge thrill.

The only couple of annoying things I felt was in the beginning, I got a bit lost in the all dark room. A helpful ghoul was nice enough to get out of character and nudge me towards the exit. Also, not a huge fan of the strobe light, but I do see it's merit in terms of the context of a horror movie. Otherwise, I actually wanted to linger around the rooms a little longer to take in all the handiwork the creators put into the rooms, but the actors were so busy 'scaring' me, that I kind had to move along on the tour.

In summary, me and the jaded viewer had a good time at the Blood Manor. During the Halloween season, it really puts you in that creepy mood. A lot of the other people on the tour looked like they were having a great time as well. And certainly, you will be talking about all of the action afterwards, especially who got scared by what, and who screams like a girl. So, if you have the chance, it's definitely worth your time to head out to the far west side and get your horror on. Yup, the Blood Manor is creepy fun for urban youth of all ages!

Blood Manor is open now and will be open all Halloween week (excluding Monday). Check out the schedule at the official site. This week, the hours run to 1am and on Fridays and Saturday run up to 2am.

It's located at 542 West 27th Street (btwn 10th & 11th Ave).

Tickets at the door are $30. Online for $25 and there are special "RIP" passes at $40.

Here are some links for more information.


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Friday, October 02, 2009

NYC Haunted House - Nightmare: Vampires (Super Scary Review)

First, I'd like to thank Tim and Rebeca Haskell for allowing me and my friends Rene from EntertainingEvil.com and his wife to experience a hell of a ride yesterday. It may be 30 days before Halloween but I got my scare on early. If you've arrived on the jaded viewer for the first time because of my initial coverage of Nightmare: Vampires from the press area of the official site, this is the post you've been waiting for. This is where I share my thoughts, reactions and whimpers of the whole damn thing.

Let me say straight out, I'm not going to reveal "the scares" or the twists and turns of Nightmare because, well it would just ruin the entire damn thing for you. What I'll try to explain is the feel, the look and the wonder of why this is the best haunted house experience you'll get this year.

Nightmare: Vampires is a live action, ARG of horror nightmares come to life. It's an uber sensory overload that heightens your hearing, vision, smell, touch and taste. You will scream, shout, laugh and be utterly mesmerized by the brilliance of each and every room. This isn't your Twilight vamps looking for misguided love folks. This is your legendary bloodsuckers and mythos vampires, living and breathing right in front of your face. Believe me, it's not for the faint of heart.

You know the old saying from Dawn of the Dead: "When there is no more room in Hell, the dead will walk the Earth". Well, that just describes this awesome haunted house in a nutshell.

Let's get the facts out of the way first.

(From the official site)

Now in its sixth year and at a new location, NIGHTMARE’S fully immersive haunted house takes haunting to a whole new level. Get ready to play your part in NIGHTMARE: VAMPIRES, a unique haunted attraction that unfolds as an original horror story! Set in the Museum of Vampyric Artifacts (MoVa), the world's first vampire museum features antiquities related to vampires from the headlines, in the media and from around the world. However, when MoVa and everyone in it are attacked by blood-lusting maniacs, you won’t just be viewing the exhibits on display…you’ll be running from them! Witness the birth of a new vampire legend!

As the description above says, you enter the fictional MoVA, where you learn more about the legend of the vampyres. From then on, it's on. If you have a cross, it's time to put it on.

Each room is a sight to behold. I decided to go and walk slowly and admire each carefully crafted set. If you decide to go, I suggest you do the same. The props, scenery and displays of horrific memorabilia are works of art. You will have never seen anything like it before. Think Saw sets, Dario Argento backdrops and churches on LSD. You can tell that the Haskell and his entire crew detailed everything to the minutia so that each room had a different look and feel of horror bliss.

OK, I know you've been waiting for me to write what the scares are like. Well you're not going to get anything from me. Let me just say, part of the brilliance of Nightmare is that it doesn't matter if you decide to be the first one to enter the room or the last. You're going to get so frightened you'll bump into the stranger next to you as you stagger back into the arms of your significant other.

After the tour had ended, I got to talk to Tim Haskell and he feels like this is one of his best years for the haunted house. But he also added they have a motto for the actors and that's "Don't just scare the girls". And these professionals are equal opportunity scarers. I guarantee even the alpha male manliest man will get the shit scared out of him at least once. I'll admit I did. You never know when its coming and as I examined each and every part of the room, I once almost #2-ed into my pants.

That's not to say there isn't something funny about it all. I was making snarky remarks to my friends and to the group of strangers who were with us in our "tour group". I was even addressing my remarks to the maniacs, crazies, vamped up ravers and insane asylum prisoners hoping I'd get a reaction. (BTW, one of the rules is the actors can't touch you and vice versa). Note to self. Don't do that. You'll get more than you bargained for.

To get the whole experience, you have to cowboy up and be brave. Standing in the middle of the pack is going to be a letdown if you don't interact with what's in each room. The actors are very effective in their ninja skills, their sideshow carnival shows and their yelling and screaming. Only once did I get some dialogue from the show. In addition, darkness is your ultimate mortal enemy in Nightmares. In comes into play in some interesting ways from room to room.

But what separates this mature rated haunted house experience from the others is the story. Sure, other haunted houses may touch you or jump out in a hockey mask or even gross you out with live pig intestines but at the end of the day, a perfectly crafted story gets you wrapped up with whats going on. And its 1 billion times more effective when you're a participant in the story!
That's the genius of Nightmares: Vampires. It really is like a live action alternate reality game where you play your part acting as pseudo"unfortunate teenagers" who must escape from the now chaotic museum.

I had never been to Tim Haskell's Nightmare haunted house before. I did hear about it but it's one of those things that if you're a New Yorker, you think you'll eventually go to sooner or later. I'm glad it was sooner. It can break the monotony of the week and is just as effective as watching a horror movie in Real 3D. The only difference is this 3D is living and breathing and getting your heart racing a million beats per second.

You are missing out if you don't partake in Nightmare: Vampires. If you're too scared too go, I'm sure if you dress up as Buffy or Van Helsing or Blade you'll be fine. Start carving your stakes, shining your silver and get your holy water ready. But please, leave the garlic at home.

The house opens on September 25th and runs to November 7th. It's located at the NOHO Event Center on 623 Broadway at Houston (enter on Mercer Street). Tickets are $30 (advance) or $35 at the door. More info here.

For more info head over to the official site. For some behind the scenes stuff, check out Tim Haskell's blog at iscareyou.com.

**If you decide to go...**

Getting the VIP tickets saves on time and the long line that's to be expected as we get closer to Halloween. Plus you get an awesome gift bag.

I went yesterday and got Guillermo Del Toro's vampire novel, The Strain!

Check out the promo page for the best time to go!

For the brave people who did go? What did you think? Comment away!

Here are some trailers to get you revved up. Boo!









the jaded viewer related linkage:

NYC Haunted House: Blood Manor (Super Scary Review)
Insano Steve vs Blood Manor (Review)
Thicker than Water: The Vampire Diaries Part 1 Review

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Tuesday, September 22, 2009

NYC Haunted House - Nightmare: Vampires


Wow. That pictures worth a 1001 words. The first one that comes in my head is gushy.

Straight from the jaded viewer mailbox is something I was aware of but never actually went to. Every Halloween I hear of live walkthrough haunted houses in NYC where people go through a damn spooky ride where you get touched, see some crazy artistic yet mesmerizing scenery and get a total blend of gothic nights and scares.

This brings us to Timothy Haskell's Haunted House called Nightmare. This years theme is the ever popular Vampires. Though they seem far from the Twilight and Vampire Diaries and more of the bloodysucker and ripped throats. Yay.

From what I read and seen, Nightmare is an experience like no other. Truly psychological and bent on tapping into your worst fears, it seems like this year they are trying to make each and every participant feel like they are Lestat or Dracula's victims. I'm going to go this year and report back on this interactive scare-a-thon.

If you live in or around NYC, it seems like it's worth the effort. I'm sure as we get closer to Halloween, everybody will think of ways to get scared or scare others. Shouldn't we just have professionals do this for us?

Here's some videos to give you the heebee jeebees.









And some yummy, messy photos.





The house opens on September 25th and runs thru November 7th. It's located at the NOHO Event Center on 623 Broadway at Houston (enter on Mercer Street). Tickets are $30 (advance) or $35 at the door. More info here.

For more info head over to the official site. For some behind the scenes stuff, check out Timothy Haskell's blog at iscareyou.com.

I'll planning on going in the next few weeks so I'll let you know what's the what's what and I'm sure I'll let the right one in.

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