the jaded viewer

Don't worry, my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2009 is coming next month (early January). But I wanted to make a list of some of the best non-horror movies I saw this year. I've broken out into the "Box Office Elephants" (your standard summer blockbusters) and the "You heard of these and you still didn't go see it" (straight to DVD, independents, DVDs picked up by US distributors, etc.)

Some of these movies were awesome, some were awesome if you went in with low expectations (ahem G.I. Joe, Terminator) and some were sleeper hits that totally shocked me with how mega-rific they were.

Let's look back on 2009 and see how Hollywood's summer elephants took on the mice of the independent scene.

"Box Office Elephants"

The LOLs

1.) The Hangover

the jaded viewer says: The best comedy of 2009. Nuff said.

2.) Bruno

the jaded viewer says: Not has good as Borat but the shock moments live up to the hype. Bruno brought about Middle East peace...in latex.

3.) Capitalism: A Love Story

the jaded viewer says: Love em or hate em, Michael Moore can turn our economic depression into ironic ha ha's.

The OMGs

1.) District 9

the jaded viewer says: Easily one of the best movies of 2009. The satire is pretty obvious but Blomkamp blends in alien buggers seemlessly into our world and they have personality!

2.) Star Trek

the jaded viewer says: Even if you aren't a Trekkie, you now know who James Tiberius Kirk is. But Spock easily steals the show by being more emotional than a WWE wrestler.

3.) Inglorious Basterds

the jaded viewer says: This jumped to #3 on my Best Quentin Tarantino movies (ahead of Reservoir Dogs!). Fear The Bear!

4.) Watchmen

the jaded viewer says: You really needed to read the graphic novel to get the subtleties of what Watchmen was all about. But Zach Snyder really did make a great movie out of the holy grail of graphic novels Alan Moore/Dave Gibbons Watchmen.

5.) Terminator: Salvation

the jaded viewer says: A lot of people really thought this was awful. Well, I didn't think so. I thought it captured the essence of the Future War that was always talked about. John Connor's scar origin, Arnold's cameo and Kyle Reese and Marcus are brought to life. McG did a solid job here.

"You heard of these and you still didn't go see it"

The LOLs with punches in the face

1.) Black Dynamite

the jaded viewer says: I gave this movie 4 spinkicks! What more needs to be said? Blaxploitation ha ha's at its freakin finest. Here's an actual line spoken by Black Dynamite:

"Your knowledge of scientific biological transmogrification is only matched by your zest of kung-fu treachery"

2.) Big Man Japan

the jaded viewer says: It's hard to describe this "superhero" movie from Japan but take a bit of Ultraman and mix in Godzilla and you have Big Man Japan. You gotta take my word on this. You will laugh yourself into a coma when you see this.

3.) Crank 2: High Voltage

the jaded viewer says: Not an indie by any stretch, you may have missed Jason Statham's return as Chev Chelios (and his faulty artificial heart). Chev, Amy Smart and a horesetrack. If you've seen it, you know what I mean.

4.) Ong Bak 2

the jaded viewer says: Tony Jaa makes it look so easy. Not as good as the original, the stunts and action sequences here are still vintage Jaa and you won't get bored when knees, elbows and spinkicks are clobbering henchmen.

Spectacular DIY Independents

1.) Ink

the jaded viewer says: The best independent movie to come out this year. It's visually eye candy, a lovely story and filled with characters and dreams you wish you could dream about.

2.) No Right Turn

the jaded viewer says: Grime and crime noir at its best. David Noele Burke's films echoes Tarantino but turns in a crime fairy tale. Good times.

3.) The Local

the jaded viewer says: It's like a Bukowski poem come to life. Crime drama with some kick, Dan Eberle's NYC indie is filled with lowlife characters and an anti-hero with a heart.

You've all seen the elephants, I think you should try to feed the mice. Many of these films are available on Netflix, Amazon and other big box stores. If you need to go to the official site to purchase, seriously buy yourself a present this Christmas and get em. You won't be disappointed.

Did I miss one's on your list? Got any recommendations for me? Go and leave a comment and let me know. Like I said, my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2009 is coming soon (once I see the flicks I missed this year).

Bring on 2010!

Labels: Best Movies of 2009, big man japan, black dynamite, crank 2, district 9, inglourious basterds review, ink, ong bak 2

Posted by the jaded viewer at 10:00 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Ong Bak 2

Ong Bak 2 (2009)

Directed by Tony Jaa

The Jaa is back.

Let's get this out of the way first. This is a pseudo sequel to the smash and bash that is Ong Bak. Got that?

Let's also get this out of the way too.

Thailand is still the king of action cinema for now. Stunt-a-palooza, muy thai kneeing and elbowing and just rampant 1-2-3 punches. Sick shit all around.

I'm not a big fan of period piece action cinema. Whenever some Chinese or Japanese movie is set in the past, I get bored. I like my action in the present day, where stunts are performed in an urban setting, parkour becomes commonplace and a final scene can play out on the side of a fuckin building.

So you can see my dilemma after having watched Ong Bak 2?

The simple review is this. The historical ploppity plot is a yawn but the stunts and the actionography is fuckin fantastic and the stunts as always are awesome the magnificent.

You still want a review.....arghhh ok.

Boring Plot-O-Matic

Set in the regal times of King Naresuan, Tien (Tony Jaa) is a man who was born into nobility but had it stripped from him after his parents were brutally murdered. During his childhood Tien learned Khon, a form of dance which is usually reserved for royalty. Although he didn't know it yet, Khon would later prove to be an invaluable aide to him. After seeing his parents murdered at the tender age of 10, Tien is forced to live on the streets where he is eventually captured by a group of thieves who take him in and teach him how to steal and fight.

Tien's expertise as a thief and fighter grows and it isn't long before he is made head thief. Then Tien sees something that makes his stomach churn. A competition is being held to find the best knights to serve under the very man who had killed Tien's parents all those years ago. Tien passes the tests easily and is made Lord Rachasana's 2nd Knight. Now, he has his opportunity to strike but he will have to use all his skill and ingenuity if he is going to get his revenge on the man who killed his parents.

Awesome Review-O-Matic

Read the plot above because I'm not going to talk about it anymore. Let's get to the action scenes shall we?

1.) Random medieval army vs army carnage

Slyly put into the sword on sword and bow and arrow battles is CGI blood. You know the one...that fake "300" CGI blood. I do not like this and there was way too much of it during the fight scenes.

However, good crazy choreographed action-rama when 2 battle armies go mano y mano is never a bore.

2.) The Elephant Scene

Tony Jaa has always tried to top his stunts and in this one he balances off a pack of wild rampaging elephants than does a sick backwards flip off its trunk. Totally sick...very nice.

3.) The training montage plus SAT Pirate tests scene

Jaa has to pass 3 tests to become the man of the pirates gang.

a.) Beat some schmuck with a sword
b.) Beat some schmuck with his muy thai
c.) Beat some schmuck with everything he's got in his arsenal

Suffice it to say he does.

4.) Tien's Uber Revenge Scene

Jaa's is in full revenge mode using Pacquiao like speed and lightning quick martially arts to dispense of the people who fucked up his village. Tons of different weapons are used, crazy numchucks, swords, that rope with the rock at the end of it (what's that called?) and plain old bare fists and legs.

The scene blows by so quickly if you blink you may have missed something unfuckinbelievable.

5.) The Ending is 20 -30 minutes of action porn

Seriously...its like he exploded and went completely nuts. Jaa has all the cylinders working. Guys are coming at him left and right and he's disposing of them like he's blowing his nose.
It's Jaa vs an army of 300. Slice and dice, punch and crunch. Jaa is kicking ass so fast its a ballet of brutality. A battle on top of an elephant made my mouth stay open for a good 10 seconds.

It's great choreographed insanity and it's pretty fun to watch.

The ending leaves a soon to be sequel ready to be filmed. All in all, a good solid flick. Though it didn't have the magic of the first Ong Bak. The original had humor, a very funny motivational plot device and muy thai-ing that went off the radar.

Ong Bak 2 had none of that. But that's ok. It's like getting psyched up for your favorite dish and it not living up to your expectations. But it's still satisfying.

Gore-ipedia/Nude-ipedia

Nada. More like one big sausage factory but with flying spinkicks.

WTF moment

That crazy elephant back flick

The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis

Ong Bak 3 was greenlit and its suppose to start filming at the end of this year. Hollywood has been itching to get Tony Jaa to Hollywood. Please don't stick him in a buddy cop movie...fuckin Hollycrap.

Ong Bak 2 is your fix for all that is the uber martial arts action genre has to offer. If you can keep awake during the pointless plot pushing the action scenes do not disappoint.

Somehow they need to tie this flick and part 3 to the original. Maybe that head in the first movie is Tien's head.

Yeah that make sense. Hmm maybe not. Oh fuck it. Just knee kick somebody in the head please.


Rating:

1/2

Check out the trailer below.





Tags:
ong bak, ong bak trailer , thai action , ong bak 2, tony jaa, ong bak 2 review, top movies of 2008, muay thai, thai action movie, Prachya Pinkaew, tom yum goong, ong bak 2 thai,

Labels: martial arts, muay thai, ong bak, ong bak 2, ong bak 2 review, ong bak 2 trailer, Prachya Pinkaew, thai movies, tony jaa

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

The fun about searching for trailers on YouTube is that you can search for one thing, which leads you to another which then leads you to another.

Then before you know it, you see a bunch of kids OngBaking the shit out some baddy bad men.

So I may be a millisecond late on this little trailer but fuck it....it's totally rad-irific. From the producer of Ong Bak and Chocolate, come little teenage Ong Baks kicking ass. If they keep going all Benjamin Button with these movies, we're gonna see a fuckin fetus Muay Thai-ing in the womb.

Great stunts, choreography and uber action. Wow. I'm excited about Power Kids. It begs the question is this just all normal shit in Thailand. While American tweens are lip syncing Hannah Montana, Thai tweens are kneeing and elbowing people through windows.

Check out the trailer below. Also, the official site for more info-rama.





Also here is another promo for the film with some live action stunt-o-rama.

Labels: 5 huajai hero, muay thai, ong bak, ong bak 2, power kids, power kids trailer, teenage ong bak

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post

Labels: bangkok, muay thai, ong bak 2, ong bak 2 trailer, thai movies, tony jaa

Posted by the jaded viewer at 12:05 AM | Permalink | Comments | links to this post