a jaded viewer reviews the world of horror, splatter, gore, cult, grindhouse, trash, b-movie, erotica, indie, asian and exploitation films
Monday, November 16, 2009
Samurai Princess (Trailer and DVD Release)
It's been a while since a featured some crazy Japanese splatter and gore flick. But if there is one to point out, it has to be from the mind of Kengo Kaji, who wrote Toky Gore Police (full review here). Here he wrote and directs Samurai Princess which is just more insanity and gore (with effects from Yoshihiro Nishimura) and starring Aino Kishi and Mihiro, two Japanese AV stars (thats Japanese porn stars for the uninitiated)
With porn stars in the lead...do I really need to actually give you plot? OK, see below.
When 11 of her friends are raped and murdered, leaving the Samurai Princess (adult video star Aino Kishi) the only survivor, she becomes infused with her comrades' souls. Transformed into an android, she sets out to avenge their deaths. Dai Mizuno co-stars as the princess's human partner in this Kengo Kaji-directed gore fest that features breast grenades, detachable chainsaw limbs, deadly guitar riffs and more.
I'd have to say my college years represented the golden era of when I watched horror movies religiously. I would scour the interweb looking for the most fucked up goriest horror movies ever made.
So it's pretty fitting that I'd came across German goremeister Andreas Schnaas' Violent Shit trilogy and got hooked by the amounts of gore and splatter a little indie movie could hold.
Schnaas has made a few others, most notably Nikos the Impaler and his newest horror opus Don't Wake the Dead.
But in his new movie he joins with a new German horror auteur Timo Rose to co-direct a splatter film the likes we've all haven't seen before.
So what happens when these 2 join forces?
We get Unrated.
From the looks of the trailer, we're going to get some fucked up slashers as well as supple amounts of gratuitous nudity. Good times.
Slashers with names like "Death Trooper", "Templar", "Succubus", "HellHound", "Melting Man", "Fat Zombie", "Slice Face" and "Ragnator".
I can't wait for this. Kudos for the heads up and trailer from Fangoria.
It's been a weird week this week. I've been lacking time to review anything though I did receive something in the mail today that made me laugh. I'll probably detail that next week. In the mean time, for the rest of the week I'll be posting some trailers you may have missed via the horror grapevine.
Our new slasher on the block Chromeskull will be remembered for his style, his knife and his damn sicko looking mask.
Laid to Rest is the best techno slasher movie of the 21st century. If Hatchet was old school American horror, Laid to Rest is new school American horror.
What Robert Hall has created here is purely an homage to all the slashers films that have come before. It's also a pure millenium based slasher film that is so sly and witty and full of top notch splatter and gore we all need to give him a standing O.
Laid to Rest should be seen if you call yourself a horror fan. It's easily one of the best horror movies of 2009.
Boring Plot-O-Matic A terrifying story of a young girl who wakes up in a casket with a traumatic head injury and no memory of her identity. She quickly realizes she was abducted by a Deranged Serial Murderer and in an isolated rural town she must survive the night and outsmart the technologically inclined killer who is hellbent on finishing what he started.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
As always, we here at the jaded viewer go through our "what makes a good slasher movie" list.
Does Laid to Rest achieve everything on this list?
1.) Is there a mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher?
Don't know if he was ridiculed as a child, is inbred or a redneck. But he is mysterious and he is fucking strong. Chromeskull is like a Patrick Bateman carbon copy. Clean black suit, a haliburton case full of of your standard slasher supplies, an advanced shoulder strapped HD cam and a damn scary, intimidating mask made out of chrome. Oh and he's got a wicked knife.
CHECK!
2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity (with Grade A boobage)?
Sorta check. Some boobage but without the full or partial frontal nudity
3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?
Sorta check. Sorta? What do I mean? Here are a list of our characters.
1.) A big breasted final girl (who has no name and is referred to as THE GIRL) 2.) A rough and kick ass local 3.) A nerdy momma's boy geek 4.) 2 stereotypical teenagers (one is Thomas Dekker from Sarah Connor Chronicles!) 5.) A bunch of victim fodder (includes Lena Heady from Sarah Connor Chronicles!)
4.) No Plot?
Check.
5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"
Check. So many I was going fuck yeah this is fuckin awesome.
6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem
Check. Laid to Rest has the most creative kills I've seen in quite a while. The special effects and makeup department did a fuckin awesome job.
Here is your Gore-ipedia. These may sound vague and cliched but when seen they are brilliantly executed to perfection.
1.) Metal pole to the stomach 2.) Knife to the head 3.) Knife to the jaw and slashed up face trauma 4.) Knife slashing stomach intenstine spewage 5.) Shotgun to the head 6.) Head explosion thru car product 7.) Slashed throat (x2!) 8.) Face melting trauma
These were such great kills, all done wickedly by Chromeskull. His technique, just utterly flawless.
7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes) Check. Geeky leader doesn't take charge but finds out about the legend via the interweb.
8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)
Check.
9.) Final girl goes all final girly?
Check.
10.) Wildly ambigious ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?
Sorta check. Ending seems to warrant an actual ending. But who knows.
Nude-ipedia
Nada
WTF moment Chromeskull removes his mask (you'll see)
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Laid to Rest was directed by Robert Hall who is a legend in the special effects world with his company Almost Human. He worked on Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles hence why Lena Heady and Thomas Dekker make extensive cameos in this film. He even knows Jonathan Schaech who almost makes a cameo. Bobbie Sue Luther who plays The Girl is Hall's wife.
Why is Laid to Rest one of the best horror movies this year?
Hall avoids all the stupid shit that's invaded horror of late. It's not a fuckin remake. It's not torture porn. It's not something supernatural. We never find out why Chromeskull kills (because no motivation is better) Chromeskull doesn't talk. Chromeskull techs up and texts and cams his terror and he has a fuckin awesome-rific mask.
That's not to say this little slasher film doesn't fall victim to what slasher films are known for. Bad acting, BIG, HUGE plot holes, and total lack of logic.
But fuck logic.
When Chromeskull is taking care of business, you'll be throwing that logic out the window.
After avoiding all the reviews and hype, I figured this was a classic run of the mill torture porn but taken to the ultimate extreme.
Boy was I wrong.
Martyrs has sort of created a new subgenre of horror. Uber-surreal torture-core.
Yeah I know what your saying. What the fuck is that? Dude, I don't even know. But I can say this. This isn't torture porn like Saw or Hostel or any of the other "kill for the fun of it" horror.
It's a twisblended hybrid of the Argentoism, pure unrelenting grindy torture-core and horror taken to a transcendent level.
That's not to say I didn't have my gripes. It's almost pointless at times until you get to the end and figure what the whole thing is about. For 100 minutes, if you take the visceral challenge, you may have been a martyr yourself to a first. Uber-surreal torture-core horror.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
France. A night at the beginning of the 1970s.
Lucie, a little girl missing for over a year, is discovered wandering by the side of a country road.
Near catatonic, she can say nothing about what has happened to her. The cops quickly find the place in which she's been incarcerated - a disused slaughterhouse. Every indication is that she never once left the empty, freezing room in which she was imprisoned.
Filthy, starving, dehydrated, the child's body nonetheless bears no traces of sexual abuse - this was no paedophile abduction, but something far stranger.
What happened in that icy room? And how did Lucie escape?
Lucie is hospitalized - slowly she learns how to live again, an enfant sauvage gradually returning to the real world. In the hospital, she meets Anna, another little girl, and a victim of terrible abuse at the hands of her family. In no time, they are inseparable. Anna takes charge of Lucie, like a mother. As for her kidnappers, the police are at a dead end. Lucie's ordeal remains a terrible mystery.
One night, as Anna sleeps, Lucie hears an awful, rasping breathing. A vision appears: a body, naked, skeletal, tortured. Barely human. The apparition seizes her...
15 years later. A house, isolated in the middle of a forest. A family: Mum, Dad, two kids. A happy home. As they eat breakfast, there's a knock at the door. The father opens it to find a young woman, hollow-eyed and wraithlike and mad. In her hands, a rifle. "Remember the little girl I once was?" She shoots him where he stands, enters the house, and locks the door...
Minutes later, the family lie bloody. All dead. Lucie calls Anna, who tells her not to move, she'll be right there. In shock, Lucie hangs up. And then she hears it. That terrible, terribly familiar breathing...
Awesome Review-O-Matic
If you've seen Inside or Frontiere(s) or even Haute Tension, you know the French may be squeamish when it comes to war but not in their horror movies.
It be best to break this down like Kool Aid minutes. "Oh Yeah!"
!!!SPOILERS BELOW!!!
The first 35......
The movie starts off in pure insanity as we see a teen Lucie escape from her abductors. We see a childhood friendship develop between the victimized Lucie and her new BFF Anna.It seems our baddies haven't been caught by the cops and poor Lucie is having nightmares of the monsters she left behind.
Fast forward to 15 years later and our French girls are now French foxes. And BOOM! like a mushroom cloud we get carnage. Lucie believes she's found those mofo's that tortured her.
Lucie is blasting Dad, mom, Peter Brady and Jan to kingdom come with a freakin shotgun. It's insane first few minutes.
I've never seen such bloody crassness in a while. Lucie goes all child-a-cide killing little swimmer Jan. It's so brutal, you may feel sick. But this is the new wave, and the Rottweiler French horror has gone postal. The beginning is pure mystery, Scooby Doo-ey in a way. Questions are raised. Who abducted and tortured poor Lucie? Is she sure this normal Brady bunch family did it? What is this thing chasing after her?
The next 35........
As Lucie gets bombarded by her dreammares, she starts to self mutilate herself. She starts to slice her arms, back and hand via figments of her torture-verse. Meanwhile, Anna starts to doubt Lucie's saneness and starts to Reservoir Dogs the mess thats been made by cleaning up bodies and calming Lucie the fuck down.
But Lucie has gone cuckoo and slits her throat.
Later, have a brief mourn Anna finds a hidden compartment and works her way down to a lab of horrors. She finds a deprived, almost corpselike body of a woman who she attempts to heal. But shits too late for her. These scenes are like Lynchian and surreal blocks of fuckedupness. The woman is naked and scarred and has a device that has been nailed to her head that blinds her. It's almost like a death piece of art. The one thing most people have agreed upon is that it's breathtaking to see these images on screen. Nothing, and I mean nothing will prepare you for this level of sheer horror.
But I've always said, if I have not seen it before, that's a plus. And if it works within the boundaries of the film, then the amplification goes off the scale.
This all comes crashing down as our poor medievaled victim is blown away by the abductors.
The last 35........
Now Anna is told the experiment into martyrdom by an old lady. It seems the religious are not the only ones to experience the world of martyrdom.
And so begins the torture-core of Anna. It's by far a very difficult thing to watch. Almost bordering on the rape scene in Irreversible.
Anna is fed what looks to be pea soup, beaten constantly, forced to expel her self via a bucket and her head is shaved.
These constant fade ins and outs of Anna's torture are sick to the gut. If one can watch these 20 or so minutes, it's like a running a marathon of horror-core.
Though, how does one survive within the world of this film. She's lets herself go and accepts her fate. This is then leads to her torturers to skin her entire body except her face.
And in this act of letting go, she is the 4th to experience what the movie is about......
Seeing what lies after death.
Because as we are told, Martyr means to witness and that is what Anna becomes.
The thing about every torture porn like flick is you feel super duper empathy towards the victim. Every fiber in your being hopes the victim will go all Kill Bill and somehow escape and kill off the sicko killers. I had that inkling too. Maybe she would kill off these fucked up people and escape.
But that never happens....and seriously that's a good thing.
The whole point of Martyrs is to flip that shit upside down. The big bad evil at the end seems to have a religiously and scientific (sorta) reason of why they are doing this. It's not rich people or some old guy spewing out a "live your life" philosophy. Jigsaw is just evil and so are the wealthy Madoffs.
This world within Martyrs has cult like normals wanting to know what lay beyond. Does the end results justify the means?
Oh believe me, I still want all those people to get tortured and Abu Gharabed, but its almost Argento-y in a way where this insanity is logical.
This film isn't without its negatives. It paces way to long and drags and drags. It also destroys all logic (where the fuck are the police?) But the biggest gripe comes in that the torture that Lucie, Anna and the other victims go through seems pointless until the end. And even the revelation that this is an experiment into martyrdom and what lays beyond death is almost bordering on just being plain stupid.
Shit dude, this was the plot of Flatliners!
But it is a film thats spawned a new subgenre. Uber-surreal torture-core horror.
And that's an accomplishment. Gore-ipedia
Shotgun blasts Sliced arms Shotgun blast to the head Corpse walking art LOTS AND LOTS of torture Skinned alive
Nude-ipedia
I'm going to have to say tortured victim nudity doesn't count Brief boobies from Anna
WTF moment
A skinned Anna witnessing
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Martyrs is not as good as Inside which to me for now is the pinnacle of all that is French horror. But its new progeny Martyrs, it's as good as advertised.
Be warned, it's not a movie with any semblance of plot, or an in depth look into characterology or any sort of "horror" kills.
It's something new and that should be something we all need to witness.
Guinea Pig: Devil's Experiment and Mermaid in the Manhole (Reviews)
[We're going to the vault for some rewind reviews. I've got two short ones for you courtesy of Insano Steve's warped mind. The infamous Guinea Pig series. Nothing gloriously long or in depth. Just a tidbit of the grossness and utter disgusting of what appeared. Enjoy!]
Pseudo-snuff film is missing any semblance of plot. The horror equivalent of a gonzo porno.
Woman endures torture from multiple assailants. Torture includes slapping, kicking, plier amputations, severe noise, chair spinning, Indian rope burns, hot oil burning, maggot eating, and the absolute ultimate in eye trauma.
Basically, this lady gets fucked up in much the way you'd expect in a snuff film, if such thing existed. There's a counter displaying the quantities and qualitites of her pain.
Has already inspired some psycho in Japan (of course) to emulate the film in his real life murders. Perhaps the sickest movie ever made though it's kind of a stretch to call this a movie.
So fucking depraved, you'd never forgive yourself if you miss this.
Lonely artist gets inspiration for his latest work in a sewer where he finds a pus-spewing dying mermaid and takes her back to his bathtub.
Surprising enough, he doesn't rape her but instead draws her using her multicolored pus so ass tobest captures the theme of his painting. Luckily for him, mermaid girl is spewing pus from every orifice (this girl has a lot of pus!!!)
Twisted as fuck tale is something like a Twilight Zone Japanese style which is to say it's really wierd and extra extra fucked up.
Allegory to man's imbalance with nature but mostly the story of a girl and her pus. Artistic gore at it's finest.
Dismal: Eat or Be Eaten (2008) Directed by Gary King
What kind of rating do you give to a movie that falls into it's so bad, it's good enough to be MST3K-ed and thus makes it funny enough to watch?
1 and half spinkicks? 2 spins? 2 and half?
Because that's how I felt about how I had to rate Dismal.
You'll see what I gave it at the end of this review.
Dismal: Eat or be Eaten is like a Dharma Initiative can labeled "HORROR MOVIE (WITH EXTRA CANNIBALS)".
It's so cliched, so generic, so assembly line produced, that it would have been tossed into the used DVD bin and be lost forever. Thank goodness the DVD I got was free.
Dismal is mix of Hatchet and the Hills Have Eyes. You've seen it all before. If it looks and tastes like canned peas. It's fuckin peas.
But what happens when instead of you seeing all green peas, they made some red peas, or blue peas or yellow peas. Wouldn't you chuckle just a little bit? Seeing M&M peas would make laugh. And that's why as I watched I went all Tom Servo and Crow on this mess of a flick and it actually made this hilariously decent.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
What does a girl have to do to pass science class? Stay alive!
Dana can’t afford to fail, so she goes on a field trip with other college students to the Great Dismal Swamp. While Dana and her tasty friends are looking for extra credit, terrifying swamp cannibals are looking for dinner.
Eat or be eaten!
Horror is served hot and steamy with a side order of sick in DISMAL.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
The simple cliched review is to do the pun on words and say Dismal was absolutely dismal. But it actually wasn't. The production value is highly low but the film itself was filled with some nice visuals, hot looking hotties and some mean looking makeup effects.
The CGI special effects on the other hand were hilariously bad. So bad I was cracking up at the sight of them. But we'll get to that in sec.
Below is a list of what we here at the jaded viewer deem as full of chunky gooeyness when it comes to the ingredients of a solid slasher-palooza.
Does Dismal achieve everything on this list?
1.) A mysterious, insanely strong, ridiculed as a child, deformed, inbred redneck slasher.
Check.(plus he has a undercover papa whose equally fucked up)
2.) Gratuitous, over the top, super fleshy nudity (with Grade A boobage)?
Check.
3.) Stereotypical teenage caricatures who die gruesome and horrific over the top deaths?
Check.
3a.) Are you telling me there's a brunette kick ass final girl, a blonde bimbo, a nerdy kid, a slutty whore and a token black guy?
Yes. I mean check.
4.) No Plot?
Check. 5.) Kills by our slasher that make you go "Fuck yeah!"
Semi check.(Well they didn't make me go "Fuck yeah", more like "HAHAHAHAHHA. That's fuckin funny")
6.) Gore, lots of it. Like serious decapitation, dismemberment, impalement, hatchet frenzy steroid rages and blood shooting out at various penetration wounds, limbs a flailing and mindless splatter and mayhem
Semi check.
OK here is where the death scenes become uber ridiculous as most of our kills are done with really bad CGI. I mean these were done on like Windows 98 using Paint.
1.) Token black guy gets "hooked" in the mouth. 2.) Slutty whore gets her feet "bear trapped" off (yet she doesn't scream?) and then gets her face bear trapped. 3.) Blonde bimbo gets steel wired sliced in half (the CGI on this is soooooo fuckin bad that I was literally on the floor laughing uncontrollably) 4.) Nerdy guy gets his arm cut off
7.) Geeky leader who takes charge of the hapless group as they try to escape who befriends a hot girl who knows about the "legend" (there's always a legend no one believes)
Semi check. (Hot girl actually doesn't know about the legend)
8.) Funny yet ill timed dialogue but also various quips and one liners that are funny only the first time around (yet somehow funny again when you buy the DVD and only when you're stoned)
Check.(But this movie is probably way awesomer when your stoned)
9.) Final girl goes all final girly?
Check.
10.) Wildly ambigious ending that can be used to warrant a sequel?
Check.
As I keep saying it's all generic. You know, couple has sex, they die. A run and trip girl gets caught in a highly complicated trap that no way a inbred redneck could possibly devise and dies. Random twist inserted for no reason whatsover.
I did mention the CGI was hilariously bad right? There are two scenes that make this milk coming out of your nose funny. One is a shotgun blast by our final girl where you see CGI blood oozing out from the fake CGI hole of our would be redneck slasher. The other scene is a supposed explosion of a cabin. The CGI fire and explosion look so fake, it's like they put a lighter in front of the camera.
But the filmmakers had to know it would look cheesy. So I'm gonna take it as such. And this is why Dismal will get 2 spinkicks. 1 spinkick for following generic slasher cliches with gratuitous nudity and 1 spinkick for the extra, would you like more Velveeta cheesy CGI effects.
Dismal is Hatchet's handicapped little brother who has a speech impediment. It does what it set out to do. Be funny, entertaining and outright ridiculous.
And peas, even deformed, colorful M&M peas taste good. Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)
Token black guy gets "hooked" in the mouth Slutty whore gets her feet "bear trapped" off and then gets her face bear trapped Blonde bimbo gets steel wired sliced in half Nerdy guy gets his arm cut off Horrible CGI gunshot to the stomach Burnt beyond recog Slice and stab Human Heart Wooden spike death
Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)
Slutty whore boobs and ass Lots of belly skin WTF moment
The really fake looking slice and dice death scene of blonde bimbo
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
This is not a good movie by any means. But what happens when the movie is so bad, that you start to enjoy it because it's unintentionally funny. The "It's so bad, it's good" category of horror movies is very hard to rate. The first one that comes to mind is Snakes on a Plane which I ranked as #7 on my Top Horror Movies of 2006.
So after much thought, Dismal warrants 2 spinkicks. It's too bad MSt3K is gone and couldn't get their hands on this flick. Tom Servo and Crow would have a total field day on Dismal.
[review was originally at Aylmer's Grisly Grimey Page of Unspeakable Horror, circa 1999]
Darkness has a tagline "Even the dead will scream". For the people who've watched this film it should go "The Alive will laugh". Darkness is a low budget, amateurish vampire gorefest by Leif Jonkers. So with a name like that you'd expect it to be good.
It's not all that bad if you view it under the constraints and guidelines of horror-core. (The state in which all horror movies that gross you out should be viewed under). The opening scene has a guy getting his head blown off in a convenience store and a trench coat mafia wannabe taking the helm as he leads some bewildered kids against the killer vampires.
One scene has a chainsaw frenzy in which various vampires lose limbs at 2 seconds at a time. However when the story gets in the way of the gore you're just asking for some negative feedback. The movie is mostly made of kids running away, vampires catching up and getting messy with art supply red paint and Hines ketchup and showing what horror core movies can do to the unsuspecting low tolerance movie goer. You do need a stomach to view the film but it's nothing a beer and a Dominoes pizza can't fix.
The final scene has an army of vampires march into the sun and melt away, topping off the bloody and seemingly never ending gruesome destruction of the vamps.
Throughout the film I was guessing which hero or vampire was Leif Jonkers. Vampires in the mid western states may sound outrageous but it goes to show you sick minds everywhere are selling their souls to make a decent horror-core movies.
Actually it should probably be in the top 5. But alas, what's done is done. I can't go ahead and change the list. I mean I'm one of those people that once its posted, its set in stone.
Let's just have TGP and Machine Girl as co-#7's. Cool?
I'm giving TGP 4 fuckin spinkicks. It's 100 times more awesomer than The Machine Girl even taking a crack at it during the movie.
I went into seeing TGP as maybe another Machine Girl. But my expectations were blown away (like many heads). This is the Japanese equivalant of Hong Kong's the Story of Riki Oh, filled with the splatter and gore so over the top, so gushingly gratuitous, so arterial spraying magnificent that one can only wonder if this will EVER be topped.
It works on so many levels. We've got Ruka the hot police officer killing some mutant ass, a plot that actually made sense and the title definitely living up to the flick.
My thing is I've seen the Ichi, Machine Girl, Tetsuo and other crazy Japanese cinema. I'm as jaded as they come when it comes to the Japanese underground flicks. So when I say I was thrilled by everything in TGP, seeing more totally weird and fucked up shit every few minutes, it's saying something.
It's saying this was insanely insane with an atomic bomb of insanity.
Good times.
Boring Plot-O-Matic Set in a future-world vision of Tokyo where the police have been privatized and bitter self-mutilation is so casual that advertising is often specially geared to the "cutter" demographic, this is the story of samurai-sword-wielding Ruka and her mission to avenge her father's assassination. Ruka is a cop from a squad who's mission is to destroy homicidal mutant humans known as "engineers" possessing the ability to transform any injury to a weapon in and of itself.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Tokyo Gore Police will draw comparisons to Robocop. Both have the central plot points of a police that has been privatized and a criminal element that has taken over the city. Also, TGP squeezes in some hilarious "pro" Tokyo Police Corporation PSA's and commercials.
All show up randomly throughout the flick and are great ha ha's during the 110 minute gorefest.
Ruka (Audition's Eihi Shiina) is our beautiful, sexy, wristcutting cop whose job is to track down "engineers", mutant humans who once they get sliced or diced regenerate the missing limb into a bioweapon.
And people do lose limbage. Part of the joy was to see what weapon their missing appendage would regenerate into. The prosthetics and home grown rubbery latex may be cheesy, but I'll take that over CGI any day.
The movie follows Ruka as she eliminates these engineers eventually leading her to battle the leader called"The Keyman". The Keyman is key (sorry I couldn't resist) to the plot of who our true mastermind behind the mayhem is.
In a nod to Kill Bill, the keyman explains the real deal through comic storyboards. It's a clever way to reveal the motives and get that pesky plot out of the way so we can get to more splatter.
But lets face it, it's the gore and splatter than dominate. TGP is non stop. I mean freakin non stop when it comes to scenes of arterial spraying, sword slicing and blood on the lens. It's so frenetic that every scene was pure, magnificent Grade A carnage. And the splatter wasn't just a slice and dice every time. Each bloodletting was a little different, a little unique from the others.
Each scene was a carefully constructed artistic piece of splatter and gore. A gunshot blasting open a head, a chainsaw to the face, sword play cutting a body in two, a metal pole thru the mouth and in one glorious piece of gore-ific cinema, Ruka cuts a subway groper's hands with her sword and his arms arterial spray in Matrix-like slo mo as Ruka walks away, under umbrella as it rains blood.
So awesome. So fuckin awesome. And it keeps going. More scenes of wickedness. We see a brothel full of freaky hookers. All are engineers and all are mutantly delicious. I was hoping the 3 breasted hooker from Total Recall was there. This concludes in a golden shower of epic proportions.
Un-fuckin-believable.
Later, we view a penis gets ripped off, leading to a geyser of blood. A prostitute gets gunned down and regenerates her lower half into a croc like mouth. A cop turned engineer develops a "money shot" mutant cock.
Need I say more?
Yes? OK I'll keep going.
The corporate police, go all police statey and wreak havoc on every citizen. Innocent civs are gunned down and Ruka's bartender friend gets ripped apart medieval style. There is even an homage to The Machine Girl during a fight scene between a rogue policewoman and a Sailor Moon uniformed engineer schoolgirl.
So fuckin cool.
The ending has more limbs, flying fists and concludes with some rocket flying arterial spraying. Just fitting to a movie that went into the stratosphere of gore movies.
Tokyo Gore Police is a little long, but there isn't any lull in the entire movie. It's one non stop splatter scene after another. Honestly, what movie can claim that?
I have the poster hanging right above my computer, having grabbed it at the NY Comic Con. And it was always on the back of my mind to watch it. I can't believe it took me this long to see this gore-tastic movie.
There is a point where you get in the mood to see a mindless manga come to life. When you enjoy watching real life NC - 17 cartoony violence. Ichi the Killer and Kill Bill use arterial spraying to fit its universe, but movies like The Machine Girl and TGP make arterial spraying and gore the norm.
This could only come from Japan, where the crazy is the norm. I can only imagine if I ever visited Japan that while looking at ladies panties in a vending machine, some dude gets his arm sliced off and arterial sprays an ocean all over the place. I'd scream out "Oh shit!, This stuff happens for real here!"
Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)
So much to list it would take too long. Most of the good shit is what I wrote in the review.
Nude-ipedia (because you like boobies)
Mutant boobies
WTF moment
The torture Wii game Slo Mo arterial spraying subway molester punishment
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
Some fun facts. Yoshihiro Nishimura did all the makeup and special effects for The Machine Girl, Sukeban Boy, Meatball Machine and Suicide Circle.
As the credits roll, keep watching. There's even a proclamation of "More Gore Coming Soon!".
You really have to be in the right frame of mind to see continuous arterial spraying, blood, gore and splatter. But once you are, this movie will hit all the pleasure centers of every gorehound's brain.
Tokyo Gore Police is artistic gore at its finest, a frenzy of weirdness and carnage that is a testament to this new subgenre of mutant weapon appendages.
This is a millennial cult classic that will only be topped by Nishimura's next splatterfest.
It's been a while since a featured some crazy Japanese splatter and gore flick. But if there is one to point out, it has to be from the mind of Kengo Kaji, who wrote Toky Gore Police (full review here). Here he wrote and directs Samurai Princess which is just more insanity and gore (with effects from Yoshihiro Nishimura) and starring Aino Kishi and Mihiro, two Japanese AV stars (thats Japanese porn stars for the uninitiated)
Aino Kishi's likes are: sex and slaughter
Mihiro's like are: sex and American horror bloggers
