Tuesday, March 02, 2010

I'm not a Number!!! Mr. Horror Blogosphere Entry #3

I am proudly the 3rd entry in the Mr. Horror Blogosphere over @ Zombies Don't Run. I answered the questions to the best of my ability, but they were harder than a DMV driver's test.

Why no picture you might ask?

Well, I just forgot to send one. But more importantly, I'm going with the mysterious Ninja approach to the Mr. Horror Blogosphere. He's unseen, he's like a shadow...he's does not exist.

Hell, I'm not even writing this.

So check out my entry over at Zombie's Don't Run and remember...vote for the other guy!

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Quick Spinkick Reviews (from the jaded viewer archives)


I've got a back log of old reviews I've never posted, so I figure I'd post a few today and throughout the week. Most of these reviews are from Insano Steve and myself and from our old trading list circa 2002.

These were quick hit reviews, nothing fancy schmancy. No WTF moments or nudipedias. Just quick plot glimpses and funny randomness.

Enjoy!

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Monday, March 01, 2010

The Jaded Viewer spinkicks on to Facebook!




I've decided to put a corner of the jaded viewer on Facebook so you can get a decent feed while your Facebooking. So instead of checking your Blogger dash reading list, you can become a fan via Facebook.

I'll link all the newest stories I put up and it'll be a place to drop me a line if your so inclined (and if you hate captchas and don't wanna comment) I've put the little Facebook widget on the right nav bar as well.

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Wednesday, January 27, 2010

A Vote for the jaded viewer is a vote for......well me!!! (Bloody Disgusting's Horror Blogger Awards)



A few weeks ago, the horror blogosphere got in an uproar over Total Film's definition of a horror blog. So Mr. D of Bloody Disgusting (one of the nominated "blogs") decided to call out for nominations for the real horror bloggers out there.

And guess who nominated the jaded viewer?

Well I nominated my own blog of course. Why wouldn't I nominate myself? This be America, where if we ever had a zombie apocalypse, I'd be the first one hording the gas. But to be fair, a few other awesome bloggers nominated the site as well. Nods for the jaded viewer came from Planet of Terror and The Horror Effect.

So it's awesome to be nominated from a major horror site like Bloody Disgusting. 60 other blogs were nominated too. 60!?!!? That's a hell of a fuckin lot of blogs. But those blogs are all top notch horror men and women who know their shit. Whoever wins, it's all good.

Hmm how the hell can I rig this? Oops...damn you inner thought bubble!! Well, looks like I'm going to have to plead, beg and buy your votes. So how can I convince you to vote for me?

If this is the first time you've visited here, this is what the jaded viewer is all about:
  • My rating is based on Jean Claude Van Damme spinkicks!
  • My reviews are usually a FAQ of hilarity (An example would be my review of Joel "Batman Nipples" Schumaker's straight to DVD Nazi demon film "Blood Creek")
  • I have seen every After Dark Horrorfest movie and have lived to write about it
  • Slow moving or fast moving zombies? SLOW MOVING of course!!! Why would the deterioration and decomposing of your body make you move faster and give you super human strength?
  • I compile the gore meters (Goreipedia) and boobs (Nudipedia) in my reviews so you know what your gonna get!
  • The jaded viewer will watch the crappiest horror movies and compile an easy to digest review, sorta like sitting through an episode of Heroes
  • If you vote for me, I'll personally come to your house or apartment and give you running DVD commentary of the horror movie of your choice (MST3K style!) (some restrictions may apply)
Convinced? Are you ready to check that box for the jaded viewer? Well then fellow jaded viewer, head over to Bloody Disgusting and vote for the jaded viewer!

Thanks in advance for the vote and the support.


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Tuesday, January 19, 2010

Horror Blogging 101 (or what the hell do I write about?)

I've noticed a lot of new bloggers starting their own horror blogs recently. That's good to see. People who are passionate about the horror genre and want to chime in on their thoughts makes this little horror blogosphere better. Joining this horror blogosphere is supe duper awesome. All the people I've talked to, tweeted, e-mailed and left comments for are some of the uber coolest people from across the country and the world. All have a unique style to their writing, some are cleverly Tricks are for Kids hilarious and others come up with theme posts and running gags that never get old.

But starting up a blog is a huge undertaking (ok maybe not, it's pretty much like tweeting but longer).

Anybody can write a blog. Right now, as you're reading this, some 14 year old tween girl wearing black nail polish and listening to Sonic Youth is writing on her Twilight blog and is anxiously waiting for that first comment. (it usually is "FIRST!") In another part of the country, a 38 year old film school dropout just watched Saw VI and wants to share his thoughts so he's registered DiscountJigsawsTraps.blogspot.com.

I don't know the exact figure but shit, I'd say 5,000 people a day start up a blog. Some write 3 posts and forget about it, some write 25 posts a day. But to be effective as a horror blogger, you have to go with a few foolproof generic posts that will get people engaged. I'm here to show you the ropes, give you some tips and tricks of the trade and for only two easy payments of $19.99 make you the next jaded viewer.

(Some of you may be saying...Jeff, why are you qualified to teach ME about horror blogging? Your site SUCKS BALLS and is filled with lists, pictures of horror queens I've never heard of and your reviews are like Bible long. And your taste in horror movies is equivalent to a poor man's Dread Central. Well if you put it that way......you're right. You guys are mean. Fuck, I'm going to watch Avatar again. Oh screw that Mr. or Ms. Horror Bourgeoisie! Yeah my qualifications can be called in to question, but I promise you like a Billy Mays infomercial, you'll find it funny, slightly interesting, very arousing and you'll use what I have to say)

Still interested? OK let's list a few tricks to get you started.

Lesson 1: Picking a name for your blog

Well this is it. The single most important thing you can do is pick a fuckin awesome name for your blog. Remember this is the name that you're going to promote the shit out of. It has to be clever, easy to remember and really works if its 4 words or less (though this can be ignored if your name is really clever like Chuck Norris Ate My Baby). The easiest route is to put "horror" in some form in the name. My suggestion, use a variation of a title of a horror movie or play Scrabble.

For inspiration, check out the blogs to the right.

TANGENT ALERT!!!

(Oh yeah, you gotta pick a place to create your blog. I'd suggest Blogger as its already got a built in horror community so you can Follow peeps and easily comment. Wordpress is fine. Their layouts look way nicer than Blahger. Only drawback on Wordpress is you're gonna have to PR the crap out of it)

END TANGENT ALERT!!!

Lesson 2: A post title that LOLs or that can easily offend most of America

OK, now that you got your name, you need to actually write shit. Everybody on the Internet has ADD and usually skims through post titles so you need to either tweet a good subject line or fill it with high levels of vulgarity.

Examples are:

My favorite Ice Cream flavor: Zombie Brains!

or

Trick R Treat fuckin sucked monkey nards (if you liked this movie you have the IQ of a Triceratops)

Lesson 3: Reviews of mainstream horror movies where you make fun of the audience

OK, its guaranteed that the most reader response will come from horror movies that everybody has seen. It's definitely OK to write a review of Zombieland. People love that movie. It's total water cooler horror. But filling your review with "Bill Murray was awesome!" and "Clown zombie was scary!" is not gonna cut it.

To get people to comment, you now have to make fun of the audience for no apparent reason. Why? Because they won't see it coming! Like a bad M. Knight movie, you'll sucker the reader into a false review read and then make fun of them because they didn't see the twist coming.

I'm writing this totally buck naked.

See! There ya go. Who saw that coming? Fuck, it's kinda chilly in here and even I didn't see that horrible horrible thought in the middle of this lesson.

Lesson 4: Arterial Spraying + Gratuitous Nudity + Lists Lists Lists! = Jello

Who doesn't like jello? It can look like brain matter, jiggles like a pair of D cups and it taste yummy. As a horror blogger, there are a few foolproof things to write about that will get people hyped.

1.) Writing about gore and splatter movies gets people highly excited. Everybody loves a good arterial spraying and decapitation so writing a lot about splatter movies is guaranteed to get people to word verify.

2.) China can't see pornography so they have to rely on you to post nudity in your blog to get their fix. Write about nudity in horror, post pictures of horror hotties and talking about hottest zombie women can only get that hit counter moving.

3.) When you're scraping the bottom of your brain for something to write about, the old reliable horror list is the way to go. Who doesn't like a list? Like some mac and cheese, you can nuke up a list in about 2 minutes. Shit, it don't even have to be a good one.

Lists are like cocaine to horror fans. We're addicted! Look, I'll show you.

Top 3 Japanese Horror Movies where technology tries to kill you

1.) The Ring
2.) One Missed Call
3.) Pulse

See...that list got you as high as Lindsay Lohan at a BYOW party.

Lesson 5: Be a productive member of the horror blogosphere, Comment!

Well this is actually the hardest of all because you have to visit at least a dozen sites and leave your mark. Long, elaborate comments on the other person's blog is good. If you didn't agree with what they wrote, say so. People love defending their work and they will reply to your comment.

Instigate a tsunami of replies by disliking something everybody likes and leaving a comment. They'll all be so intrigued that they'll comment on your blog and if your lucky...send you hate mail.

If you want to be a "good" blogger, leaving a comment praising the article is the way to go. But don't expect it to be regifted.

Well there you have it. This concludes Horror Blogging 101. If I get a lot of people interested in this class, we'll have a 102. OK I see you raising your hands. If you have a question, leave a comment and I will definitely answer it.

Class dismissed!

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Wednesday, January 13, 2010

Award Cooties are the best!

Well I'm infected again...WOOHOO! Awards month is still not over thanks to Chuck @ Zombies DON'T Run. He's given award cooties to 10 more horror blogs and yours truly is one of them!

This award is awesome coming from Chuck. So thanks again...we will proudly sneeze this award on to two other horror blogs.

Well I'm giving this award to Bloody Disgusting and Dread Central..... hahahahah...... PSYCHE!!!!

Oh they're not horror blogs, well according to Total Film they are. Nice job schmucks.

According to the rules I can only give this to 2 other horror bloggers. Also once you get it you can't pass it on. The infection stops HERE so as to quarantine this new awards strain. Well ahhhh chooooooo! You're infected........
You are now 2009 All-Scares Bloggers! Congrats!

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Tuesday, January 12, 2010

Awards are like gremlins, just add water to get more of em!

Well it looks like awards mania isn't done yet. It's like that damn H1N1, spreading like a 3rd graders toy collection. Well color me infected because I've gotten 2 more awards from some super awesome bloggers.

First up is the fantastically Frightening award as first seen on Day of the Woman. This one was bestowed on me by Andre @ The Horror Digest. You can check out the blurb about moi by click on the link here.....no here......ok this is the right link.

We usually disagree on some flicks but we both agree Rumer Willis looks like a Yeti.

I'm sure the other horrorsphere members will get this award so I'm passing this boobilicious award to some other cool under the radar bloggers that would appreciate some gratuitous partial nudity...

Well I've been following new blogs left and right after checking out these awards on other sites. That's the best thing of spreading this damn virus.

Finally, The Basement of Ghoulish Decadence has given the jaded viewer the Shit Eatin' Palance Award.

The only way to say thank you is by remaking 2 Girls, 1 Cup in 3D and starring Lindsay Lohan as "the cup". But if Jack Palance were alive today, he's say "Fuck you! Shit taste good"

So thanks Jayson at the Basement of Ghoulish Decadence for this award and I hope to one day tell James Cameron that this is the next evolution of 3D and he's guaranteed to make at least $3 from this epic viral video.

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Saturday, January 09, 2010

Awards-O-Matic @ the jaded viewer!

WOW! It seems people actually read this thing. Yay me! Well, the jaded viewer got some praise from the horror blogosphere last week and after my post last week about how far the site has come in 3 years, it's finally resulted in some nominations for some neat-o awards for the site.

First up, the Kreativ Blogger Award (yup that's how its spelled)

Thanks to....

Matt @ Chuck Norris Ate My Baby
Chuck @ Zombies DON'T Run
Rev. Phanton @ Midnight Confessions
Hayes @ Hayes Hudson's House of Horror
Cortez the Killer @ Planet of Terror
B-Movie Becky @ The Horror Effect


Lastly, the One Lovely Blog Award



Thanks to....

Chuck @ Zombies DON'T Run
Sarah @ Scare Sarah
Hayes @ Hayes Hudson's House of Horror
Cortez the Killer @ Planet of Terror
Chris @ All Things Horror

**********************************************************************

Seems I have to follow some rules for the Kreativ Blogger Award and return the favor. They are as follows:

1.) Thank the person who nominated you for this award.
2.) Copy the logo and place it on your blog.
3.) Link to the person who nominated you for this award.
4.) Name 7 things about yourself that people might find interesting.
5.) Nominate 7 Kreativ Bloggers.
6.) Post links to the 7 blogs you nominate.
7.) Leave a comment on each of the blogs letting them know they have been nominated

OK here we go.....

1.) Done!

2.) Done!

3.) Done!

4.) Well this should be educational.
  • I was a college radio station DJ for 3 years and would play punk rock and talk about myself in the 3rd person. I even got a cult following of tweens from a small upstate NY town.
  • I was walking in the East Village in NYC and almost stepped on Famke Janssen's dog
  • I worked at a video store while in college and worked in its "adult" section. I can now no longer look at porn the same way again.
  • Years ago, Insano Steve and I drove to at least 5 different video stores across a hundred miles looking for Cannibal Ferox (we eventually found it in a video store next to a farm)
  • I work for a video game/movie website doing tech related stuff
  • I love Man vs Food and competitive eating
  • I am a die hard Mets fan, bleeding orange and blue
5.) Well it seems the blogs I want to nominate have already been nominated. So I'm just gonna give my thoughts on how I feel about everybodys blog....screw the rules!

All Things Horror: Mike and Chris's opinions are always dead on and in sync with mine. One day I want to go to one of their screenings!

Basement of Ghoulish Decadence: Jayson's got a awesome collection and he shares them with all of us. Solid blog and eerily we got the same taste in flicks

Chuck Norris Ate My Baby: Matt can kill two stones with one bird. Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a CNAMBtatorship.

Dollar Bin Horror
: From my little quote: Dollar Bin Horror digs into the used bin of films and books that have gone the way of the dinosaur, repackages them into small morsels of insightful funnyness and keeps you posted on all things horror. And it's free to read!

Entertaining Evil
: Rene spews his venom at all things pop culture. Dude curses more than me.

Freddy in Space: We all know Johnny and FIS. I gather horror inspiration every time I read his posts.

Full Moon Reviews: Fred's reviews are hil-freakin-larious. His Things I Learned from... are clever and creative. Good times.

Horror Dose: The rookie on the block. Chris's blog is right up my alley, short and to the point.

The Horror Digest: Andre's "Way to Go Moments..." keep making me comeback to the site over and over again. One of the best in the business.

Hayes Hudson's House of Horror: Hayes is a rookie but he's got my rookie of the year vote. Good stuff coming out from the House of Horror.

The Horror Effect: B-Movie Becky's reviews are hilarious and damn informative. Her reviews of the entire Nightmare on Elm Street series were muy bueno awesome.

Midnight Confessions: A brother in sleaze and exploitation flicks. We both keep the genre alive!

Planet of Terror: Well I won my first contest over at Planet of Terror. But Cortez the Killer sheds light to the good, the bad and the ugly of horror and its always unbiased and opinionated.

Scare Sarah: I don't know anybody from the UK. But Sarah's blog gives us an unAmerican perspective which is refreshing. Fantastic insights ranging from flicks to books.

Zombies DON'T Run: You never know what you'll get when Chuck puts up a post. It's like a grab bag of horror goodness.

Those are just a few of my little bloggity blog reviews of the horror blogosphere. Every blog on the right hand nav bar is awesome. Different spectives on horror.

If I missed anybody, don't worry. I'll write up something for you on the next award viralness that comes out.

Thanks you all for your support! Now I return you to your regularly scheduled program.....

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Thursday, January 07, 2010

Top 10 Horror Movies of 2009 (#1-10)

Well here it is. My Top Horror Movies of 2009! Sorry for taking so long to get this posted but I had to catch up on some of the movies I missed this year. I usually look at other people's lists and watch the movies that others claimed were the best. If I didn't, I would have missed a few sleepers and some hidden gems.

So this year's edition is a "fat as Texas" edition. I'm not just posting a top 10 list but adding #11-20 as well. If you missed #11-20 click here. This list from #11-20 you'll be surprised to find has many of the movies that can be found on the horrorsphere's Top 10 lists. I had a different take on what was considered "the best" this year and my picks are totally abnormal from everybody else. I'm just quirky that way.

First some fun facts and sidenotes!
  • Though some of these movies came out in 2008, I label any movie that got wide releases or DVD releases in 2009 as coming out in 2009.
  • It's a mix of STV, indie horror and box office elephants.
  • Here are the movies I didn't see yet: Anti Christ, Cold Prey, Infestation, 36 Pasos, Jennifer's Body, The Last House on the Left, Rec 2, The Descent 2 and countless others
  • 3 films that almost made the list that now get the Honorable Mentions tag: The Burrowers (2 spinkicks), Carriers (2 and half spinkicks), Bad Biology (2 and half spinkicks)
  • The 20 films broken down by country: USA = 13, UK=1, France =1, Korea =1, Canada=2, Norway=1, Sweden=1
  • The 20 films broken down by spinkick rating: 4 spinkicks=3, 3 and a 1/2 spinkicks= 2, 3 spinkicks=10, 2 spinkicks and a half=1, 2 spinkicks=4
  • To read the entire review of the film click on the title.
  • 4 spinkicks didn't necessarily guarantee you a higher place on the list.
So what did 2009 offer us in the world of horror?
  • Shaky cam/POV horror makes a comeback that nobody saw coming
  • All of Hollywood's remakes sucked and all were big giant turds
  • The whispering killer kid movies stormed into the mainstream and excelled
  • Zombie movies still packed a punch but vampire movies ruled the horror universe
  • Long awaited movies made their much awaited DVD premieres
  • My #1 movie is again not from the USA
Let's get to the list! Here is #10 to #1.

10.) Zombieland (3 spinkicks)

Zombieland is the only big blockbuster box office elephant in the top 10 and its one of the best zombie comedy movies to come out since Shaun of the Dead.

The "rules", Woody, the Bill Murray cameo and the zombie kill carnage are all top notch and so much fun.

To think this could have been a TV series is unbelievable as it works so perfectly as a movie. My favorite rules were "Double Tap" and "Enjoy the Little Things"

And there were a ton of little things in Zombieland that I highly enjoyed.

Read the full review here.


9.) Header (3 spinkicks and half)

Header was released by Synapse on DVD in 2009 which is why it qualifies as 2009. But why is a movie you've never heard of ranked #9 on my list?

Because of the title. What the hell is a header?

I can't tell you or it would ruin the entire movie. Let's just say Header is filled with a redneck Hatfields and McCoys war, moonshine and some of the most fucked up shit I've ever seen.

Header is the best underground horror movie of the 21st century. If you decide to cowboy up and watch Header, you are a fuckin sicko. A disturbed, fucked up individual.

And in doing so, you will be initiated into the elite club of having seen one of the most fucked up films ever made. Welcome to the club.

Read the full review here.

8.) Laid to Rest (3 spinkicks)

Our new slasher on the block Chromeskull will be remembered for his style, his knife and his damn sicko looking mask.

Laid to Rest is the best techno slasher movie of the 21st century. If Hatchet was old school American horror, Laid to Rest is new school American horror.

What Robert Hall has created here is purely an homage to all the slashers films that have come before. It's also a pure millennium based slasher film that is so sly and witty and full of top notch splatter and gore we all need to give him a standing O.

Laid to Rest should be seen if you call yourself a horror fan. It's easily one of the best horror movies of 2009.

Read the full review here
.

7.) Pontypool (3 spinkicks)

Pontypool has been making many Top 10 lists and I'm adding it to mine.

Pontypool was a totally different type of pretzel I've never seen before.

It's an actually intelligent virus turning the masses into a bunch of crazies type movie that can be perceived in many ways. Is it a satire of censorship? A commentary on geopoliticalisms? Or is it just a suspense driven horror film to scare the crap out of you.

Well, it's all 3 and so much more.

You'll dread you speak the English language.

Read the full review here.

6.) Let the Right One In (3 spinkicks)

I had said I wanted to put this on my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2008, but I kinda watched it too late. As technically we all saw this on DVD in 2009, it cements itself here at #6.

Dump more praise on the Let the Right One In bandwagon.

A movie about a 12 year old girl engulfed in vampire lore is so full of innocence and dramatic despair that it's more emotional and more touching then seeing some vampire teens whining about their iPods.

More importantly, this movie is about loneliness and the connections we have in our lives.Plus seeing a 12 year old vamp suck blood seems kinda sick and awesome at the same time.

Read the full review here.

5.) Trick R Treat (4 spinkicks)

A top 10 list is not complete without having Trick R Treat on it right?

One of the best anthologies to come out in a while, this creative and unique Halloween themed campfire tales was the perfect movie to see on October 31st.

Trick 'R Treat is the best Halloween movie since Halloween. For an anthology collection, it ranks right up there with Creepshow and Tales from the Crypt.

You wonder why nobody makes movies like these anymore. I'm going all Nostradamus here but I think TRT will spawn more anthology horror movies and either that's a good thing or a poisoned candy apple.

And who can forget our new "what the hell is he?" rookie slasher of the year: Sam. One of the most scariest WTF killers to come on the horrorverse in quite a long time.

Trick R Treat was hyped and lived it up. BOO!

Read the full review here.

4.) Black Devil Doll (4 spinkicks)

The moment after I saw Black Devil Doll, it was guaranteed a spot on my Top 10 list. Think blaxsploitation, slasher flick, Skinemax and comedy all thrown into a blender and your waxing your carrot while waiting.

That's Black Devil Doll.

Black Devil Doll is the apex of all modern day blaxploitation movies, filled with sleazy humor, tons of nudity and splatter happy gore. Harking back to the old grimy and sticky Times Square grindhouse days, Black Devil Doll is a tour de force of debauchery, insanity and nudity.

And it has a Muthafuckin Puppet!

Read the full review here
.

3.) Deadgirl (3 and a half spinkicks)

Deadgirl is like a depraved, warped up horror version of Stand by Me. Think an indie film with a horror element Romero-ed into it. Such is the beauty and the chill sicko-ness of Deadgirl, definitely one of the top 10 horror movies of 2009.

I've seen films where as I'm watching I feel really ashamed to be seeing this. Deadgirl so disturbing yet highly provocative that at the end you feel dirty, kinda ugh and your definitely not Jersey Shore fist pumping in the air. But when a movie like this comes along, you have to give it a standing O.

Read the full review here.



2.) Thirst (4 spinkicks)

I watched Thirst at the end of the year. It was one of those "its on a lot of Best of lists" so before I lock down my list, I needed to see this. And what did it do?

It knocked some good movies out of the Top 10 and flew up to #2. Now that says a lot doesn't it?

Chan-wook Park's Thirst is more than a vampire movie it's a morality tale of how absolute power can corrupt absolutely. It has so many layers, that each of the 3 separate acts could have been turned into their own movie.

Chan-wook Park established himself with his Vengeance Trilogy. Those movies revolutionized the action genre. With Thirst he's done it again. The horror genre will never be the same.

Read the full review here.

1.) Martyrs (3 spinkicks)

Yup. Another French movie is #1 on my list for the 2nd year in a row. Lo and behold the fuckedupness that is Martyrs. It's the most controversial, I loved it-I hated it, film of 2009. From every voice in the horror world, nobody can stop talking about this film.

I came down on the "I absolutely LOVED it" side. Why?
Martyrs has sort of created a new subgenre of horror. Uber-surreal torture-core.

It's a twisblended hybrid of the Argentoism, pure unrelenting grindy torture-core and horror taken to a transcendent level.

That's not to say I didn't have my gripes. It's almost pointless at times until you get to the end and figure what the whole thing is about. For 100 minutes, if you take the visceral challenge, you may have been a martyr yourself.

The ending is an absolute marathon to watch but when you see the finish line and finally realize what the whole thing was about, you begin to think back on everything you just witnessed. Some have said it's absolutely pointless, I beg to differ.

The definition of Martyr is "to witness". And after seeing this movie, you feel like Anna in the movie. It's a transcendent horror movie, one that makes us endure the most horrific scenes I've ever seen and than drops a bombshell and says it's all for the better good.

To witness Martyrs is to challenge yourself and to think about the endless possibilities of existence. And for that experience, it's my #1 horror movie of 2009.

the jaded viewer related linkage:

Top Horror Movies of 2009 (#11-20)
The Best Quotey Quotables from the Worst Movies I saw in 2009

****************************************************

OK, I know you horror minions have your 2 cents. So go ahead and let me have it. Throw that smelly poop at me or if on the off chance you partially agreed on some of my picks, send me that love. Chime in and let me know what you think.

This list of the Top 20 Horror Movies of 2009 also is an opportunity to see the movies you may have missed that made many of the best of 2009 within the horror community. We all missed a few flicks here and there. I hope you all give all of these movies a chance and then come back and let me know what's the what.

Next up: The Best Horror Movies of 2009 (A compilation from the horrorsphere)


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Monday, January 04, 2010

Where are you, you spongy, yellow, delicious bastards?

This is going to be a fun week here @ the jaded viewer. I've got a ton of yuck yuck posts going live this week which include:
  • The Best Quotey Quoatbles from the Worst Movies I saw in 2009
  • Top 10 Horror Movies of 2009 (#11-20)
  • Top 10 Horror Movies of 2009 (#1-10)
  • Best Horror Movies of 2009 (Compilation of all the blogs and horror sites across the interweb that have put up a top 10 or best of list of 2009)
Now on to some fun facts about the blog so far!
  • The jaded viewer will celebrate it's 3rd birthday on January 15th. I officially launched the site with this post of the Top 10 Horror Movies of 2006 on January 15th, 2007. An interesting tidbit is it wasn't until August 07 that I dedicated my time to update it regularly
  • We now have over 30 followers on Google Connect (Thanks!)
  • We also have over 130 followers on Twitter! (Double Thanks!)
  • I'm now up to 460 posts...closing in on 500!
  • Insano Steve is freakin lazy when I give him something to review so I may want to have some guest posts this year
Things to look forward to in 2010
  • I've got a few more DVDs to review (some horror, some straight to DVD)
  • More The Shortround (to keep shorts on the horror radar)
  • More Horror Hotties (if you've got a suggestion let me know)
  • More The Threads (because arguing about things is fun!)
  • More random lists (because who doesn't like lists)
  • More features about the horrorverse
Again, I'd like to thank everyone whose supported the jaded viewer over the last few years. I started this 3 years ago because I love horror movies and wanted to share my thoughts to the horror community. Your comments and replies have been awesome.

But basically I wanted to make you guys laugh with everything I write and post on here. If you got a chuckle out of a review or a list or a feature, then this blog has done its job.

So if your a follower of the jaded viewer or somebody whose stumbled on here, thanks for supporting the site!

Follow me via Google Connect (its on the right hand nav bar) and via Twitter.

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Friday, January 01, 2010

Is it 2010 already? In 5 years we should have flying cars! (Happy New Year from the jaded viewer!)

I'd like to wish everyone a Happy New Year! Hope you all had fun celebrating.

I can't believe it's 2010 already. In the future timeline of movies here is what we will be promised....
  • By 2015 we should have flying cars (BTTF trilogy)
  • By 2029 Skynet will have wiped out humanity and we will all be part of the resistance (Terminator series)
  • In 2 years (2012), the world ends (well that kinda sucks) (2012)
Those things may never happen, but what WILL definitely happen next week is you will get to read my Top 10 Horror Movies of 2009! And here's the big news. This is going to be a jaded viewer "fat as Texas" edition as I'm extending it to 20 movies this year!!!

Yes horror minions, the Best Horror Movies of 2009 (#11-20) and (#1-10) will be posted next week. That's a kick ass way to kick off the new year. By reflecting on the year in horror and checking out what kicked ass.

Also, I'll be posting my very handy compilation list of every major horror site and blog's Best Horror Movies of 2009. I've been compiling it and if you have one, shoot me an e-mail or leave a comment below and I'll include it.

Well in the world of horror, we got some very bad 80s horror movies made about this holiday. New Years Evil (yikes!). But look at what we have here. A new 80s cheesefest horror movie called Bloody New Year!

Here you go. Check out the trailer.




Happy New Year from the jaded viewer!!!

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Friday, December 25, 2009

Zombie Santa and the jaded viewer wish you a Merry Christmas!

Merry Christmas everyone! Here's hoping you got all the presents you wanted and some you can hopefully re-gift. Well I do have a gift for you all as well. My gift to you is some of my holiday themed posts I've written this year packaged for you in this nice bow tied post.

Check them out below.

Not enough for you? Well Black Dynamite has a message for you too!





You want more? OK, go ahead and watch Xmas Trees slaughter happy families on Christmas morning. It's Treevenge!!! (yeah I know everybody gonna post this up on their blog and site...what the hell, I might as well to)

Part 1




We will return you to your show after this brief horror Christmas related commercial message.....





We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.....


Part 2





Merry Christmas from the jaded viewer!

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Friday, December 11, 2009

Top 10 Holiday Characters That Could Be Turned Into Unstoppable Killing Machines

I was asked to participate in HorrorBlips "Horror for the Holidays" blog event and I was more than willing to come up with some holiday themed post for today. I had to really think about what I was going to write about. I mean it isn't easy to come up with something that you'd hope people would enjoy reading but had a holiday angle. I came up with a lot of stuff and I inevitably came up with Top 10 Holiday Characters That Could Be Turned Into Unstoppable Killing Machines. But just for shits and giggles here were some of my rejected ideas:
  • Jack Frost (that killer snowman movie with Shannon Elizabeth) frame by frame review
  • Black Christmas (Original vs Remake)
  • A week's worth of reviews of the Silent Night, Deadly Night series
  • Bill Goldberg's Santa's Slay Review
  • Gremlins Retrospective
That Gremlins retrospective would have been cute. Oh that Gizmo! Instead, I've decided to just write about how we can turn nice, wholesome, family Christmas themed characters and mythology into unstoppable killing machines.

This is the stuff I think about when the TV and Internet are broken and I'm eating a Twinkie. So check out the list below!

Top 10 Holiday Characters That Could Be Turned Into Unstoppable Killing Machines

10.) Snowflakes

the jaded viewer says: How do we turn snowflakes into unstoppable killing machines? By going and turning them into diamond sharp, ninja stars of death! Nature has taken every opportunity to rid the Earth of this human pestilence. Now, they've turned snowflakes into razor sharp daggers falling from the sky!

9.) Jigsaw traps in gifts

the jaded viewer says: How do we turn Christmas gifts into unstoppable killing machines? By inserting Jigsaw like traps with timing mechanisms in them. Wouldn't you like to see a scene where a tweeny kid opens his present expecting to see a Wii but instead has to dismantle a device in less than 30 seconds or he gets mutilated? OK, well then that's just my bag I guess.

8.) Gingerbread Men

the jaded viewer says: How do we turn Gingerbread Men into unstoppable killing machines? By arming them with machine guns of course. Here's the quick synopsis. Witches have made gingerbread men come to life using magical dough. And instead of frosting with a smile, they've got machine guns and are marching down every suburban neighborhood seeking their revenge for their brothers and sisters who've been devoured by happy families. Logic problem: They may have trouble walking. Of course we could also watch The Gingerdead Man.

7.) Mrs. Claus

the jaded viewer says: How do we turn Mrs. Claus into a unstoppable killing machine? We turn her into a sexy vixen of course. Imagine an Anna Nicole Smith type marrying Santa for his power and money. This is our new version of Mrs. Claus. She seduces men with candy canes and mistletoe and takes their souls! Megan Fox would be perfect in this role!

6.) Robotic Santa Claus

the jaded viewer says: How do we turn Santa Claus into a unstoppable killing machine? We make him into a cyborg of course! Think Terminator meets Silent Night, Deadly Night. He'd be armed with a futuristic sleigh of course and robotic reindeer. His bag would have an arsenal of weapons. Yes Virgina, there is a Santa Claus...and he's self aware.

5.) Ghosts of Christmas Past, Present and Future

the jaded viewer says: How do we turn ghosts of Christmas past, present and future into a unstoppable killing machines? Well we make them not ghosts, but pure, evil demons of course. Oh yes, they do give you glimpses of your life as it could have been, and once they do each of the ghosts takes you into your worst nightmare. By the time Future gets through with you, you'll wish you were nice to Timmy and gave him a bike...but that will be too late when your being decapitated.

4.) Rabid Elves

the jaded viewer says: How do we turn elves into unstoppable killing machines? We make them rabid elves of course. Elves with a thirst for human blood. These elves despise making cookies and have secretly made faulty toys and poisoned the water supply. When the human population is confused and sick, they attack like locusts. Oh btw, they have magic powers too. Seems like they made an Elves movie back in the 80s. How about that?

3.) Christmas Trees (see Treevenge)

the jaded viewer says: How do we turn Christmas trees into a unstoppable killing machines? By making them into devouring, monsters from hell. After decades of being decorated with worthless ornaments and wearing a ridiculous star as makeshift hats, they've had enough. They are hellbent on killing millions of happy go lucky families on Christmas morning. And it's 100% glorious this has been made into a live action short. See all the carnage here.

2.) Killer Reindeer

the jaded viewer says: How do we turn reindeer into a unstoppable killing machines? By making Rudolph the deadliest reindeer of all! Rudolph is still sore that he never played any of those reindeer games so he's hell bent on revenge. After making all the others bow before him (via his nose which is laser enabled); Dasher and Dancer, Prancer and Vixen, Comet and Cupid, and Donner and Blitzen, they are going to wreak havoc by killing Santa (they drop him into the ocean mid flight) and start bombing cities. Santa's Reindeer from Hell are not going to stop until every major city has been leveled. See? Santa should have paid them better.

1.) Zombie Santa

the jaded viewer says: How do we turn lovable Santa into a unstoppable killing machine? Zombiefication of course. There is no effin way you can stop a Zombie Santa. Oh you can try to put a bullet in his head, but Santa still has some limited brain function and can do that magic chimney thing. Leaving cookies and milk won't do any good when he is craving the taste of human flesh. The damage he will do on Christmas Eve will be catastrophic. He will infect millions of kids in hours, kids will infect parents, parents will infect more kids.

Yes fellow horror minions, Zombie Santa will lead to the eventual end of the world.

Ho Ho Ho!

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Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving means killing poultry! (Poultrygeist's Musical Numbers)

Thanksgiving means killing poultry! Poor little chickens and turkeys dying for your gluttonous stomachs. You bastards! Makes you want to be a vegetarian right? WRONG!

Turkey is just too damn yummy.

But if you watched Troma's Poultrygeist: Night of the Chicken Dead you'd think twice about reaching for that drumstick. The jaded viewer is going on hiatus for the Thanksgiving break but the least I can do is leave you some ha ha's while I'm gone. Poultrygeist is indeed one of the funniest Troma films to come out in a while and the musical numbers in this sleazy, oddball flick are hil-freakin-larious. So sing-a-long and enjoy!

(of course after watching these videos you'll totally lose your appetite)

Poultrygeist - "Revenge is a dish best served fried!"





Poultrygeist - "Longing to Live/Waiting to Die"






Poultrygeist - "Murderous General"






Poultrygeist - The Music Video





The 2 musical numbers that are missing are "Generous General" which is an awesome satire musical on fast food and "Slow Fast Food Love" is not anywhere to be found on the interwebs because it has lots of boobies.

Hope you enjoyed all that. Of course I could have posted the standard Happy Thanksgiving post with Eli Roth faux slasher Thanksgiving trailer or did what Freddy in Space and post the Thankskilling trailer. But Matt-suzaka over at Chuck Norris Ate My Baby posted all the horror themed Thanksgiving movies he could find.

Brilliant stuff. So today and tomorrow, go ahead and leave your links via the comments to some Thanksgiving related posts. I want to see what the creative horror blogosphere has come up with on Turkey Day.

And if that turkey comes alive right before you carve it up and starts attacking you...let me be the first to say....I told you so.

Happy Thanksgiving!!!

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Thursday, October 22, 2009

What's the kryptonite for horror bloggers?

I was thrilled to be asked by HorrorBlips.com to be part of their ongoing horror topic of the week. In this weeks edition, I was part of the question posed by Robyn, Editor of HorrorBlips.com:

What’s the one movie theme or freaky character that never fails to scare you every time?

Check out what your favorite horror bloggers had to say below (including myself!)

Horror Bloggers Reveal Their Weaknesses

photo

While it might seem that true horror fans are unscareable, they all have their soft spot. Even Superman has Kryptonite right? For me, movies that feature ventriloquist dummies are off my tolerable scale. Something about the eyes, and the fact that they seem like they’re alive, when they aren’t, and then they do come to life…it gives me the creeps.

We wanted to know what horror bloggers claimed as their own personal Achilles heel. What makes them squirm or scream every time? Check out their answers below, you might be surprised to find out what it takes to freaks out the un-freakable.

Mike Snoonian, All Things Horror: photoIf there’s a sure-fire type of fright flick that keeps me up into the wee hours of the night, it’s anything dealing with tightly claustrophobic settings and premature burial. There’s something about viewing someone trapped in a confined space, barely able to move or breath that gets my heart racing and nerves twitchy. When watching a scene of this type, I put myself in the character’s place, pinned in a pine box or hole in the ground, the air growing staler and thinner until it finally runs out, leaving me gasping for my last breath alone in pitch blackness. That’s why “The Descent” remains one of the scariest theater experiences of my life. Even if the cave dwellers had never been introduced, the story of the women trapped and lost in pitch-blackness with the constant threat of the walls collapsing around them was more than enough to leave me sweating in my seat.

B-J C, Day of the Woman: For some reason, I’ve always been really uneasy with dead children. My mother has run a daycare out of our home for years, so whenever photoMichael Myers chased down Jamie Lloyd, or when little Gage dies in “Pet Sematary,” it always really really bothered me. As far as something that I see constantly, I’m really bad with eye injuries. Eye gouging, stabbing, bleeding, anything of the sort always makes me squirm. The scene in “Opera” is pure torture for me as well as the “Zombi 2” infamous wood to the eye scene.

Stacie Ponder, Final Girl:I’m a total sucker for possession movies. It doesn't matterphoto if it’s a low-budget 10th generation Exorcist rip-off, I’m gonna be creeped out. It’s not the religious angle that gets to me—I’m not a particularly religious person— it’s more of an aesthetic thing. Weird eyes, crusty skin, oozing liquids, barfed-up pea soup, and a deep demonic voice are all it takes for me to freak. I guess it’s just a visceral reaction, because the people who get possessed in these movies don’t ever do much except lay around in bed all day, stinkin’ up the joint and cussin’ up a storm. No matter! Even the lowest movies on the possession totem pole work for me.


Johnny, Freddy In Space: My one Achilles heel when it comes to horror is without question Zelda from “Pet Sematary.” Movies don't scare me too often and it’s even rarer that characters themselves scare me, but Zelda always has and always will put the fear in me. Lock me in a room with Freddy Krueger, a zombie, a ghost, or the devil himself—I’ll calmly assess the situation and find a way out alive. Lock me in a room with Zelda and I will die of fright before she can ever even lay a finger on me!


BC, Horror Movie A Day: Fish and other, smaller water creatures. Sharks are OK, but you put a snapper turtle or a piranha in a movie, you can guarantee that I'm going to get unsettled. Even if they aren't the “villains” of the film, if they just show a fish doing that pucker thing with his mouth in someone’s fish tank or whatever, I feel uneasy.

I also used to be afraid of clowns, but so many terrible killer clown horror movies have actually vaporized my fear.



Monster Scholar, Monster Land: My horror Achilles heel would have to be disembowelment and/or vivisection. It’s been a hot button for me ever since I ate a bad yogurt parfait and had nightmares about someone cutting me open and removing my organs with toothpicks. This initial fear was only made worse by seeing “House of a Thousand Corpses” as a teenager and watching Dr. Satan perform gruesome surgery on his live victims. Yuck.


Becky Sayers, The Horror Effect: Home invasion films get under my skin. Sometimes it takes the hard-hitting intensity of a movie like “Inside” to terrify me, but other times the simplest slasher can make me uncomfortable. Perhaps it roots back to my indoctrination into the horror genre with “Halloween.” I remember trying to sleep after watching John Carpenter’s masterpiece for the first time. My bed was situated against a wall, which I faced, leaving my back exposed to the empty room. I kept imaging that Michael Myers was standing behind me, his pallid mask hovering like a ghost in the darkness. However, my fear of the home invasion might be based on something more elementary. I grew up on 10-forested acres in a rural area of Washington state. There was no next-door neighbor. There were no paved roads for a mile. If someone were to prey on my childhood home, it might resemble scenes found in “The Strangers” or “Them.” Whatever the circumstance, it is horrifying to imagine that you are not safe in your own residence. Absolutely no one wants to wake up to the sound of unknown footsteps downstairs or to the sight of a shadowy figure leaning over the bedside.

Jeff, The Jaded Viewer: That'’ a very interesting topic. I gotta admit, I get the uber shivers from creepy crawlies, swarms of bugs movies and killer parasites. You know the movies, like “Splinter,” “The Thaw,” “The Ruins,” “Slither” and don’t get me started about “Arachnophobia.” I love these movies but when I see a horde of bugs or parasites on the movie, it gives me chills. I start squirming and I get the feeling these creepy crawlies are attacking me.

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Friday, October 16, 2009

the jaded viewer goes on vacation.....again

Well I will be MIA for the next few days as I travel to New Orleans for some much needed R&R. I figure while I'm there, I'll head down to the Louisiana bayou and visit my old friend Victor Crowley.

Me and Vic (his friends call him Vic, his victims call him "NOOOOOO! Argh!!!") We go way back. I visited him after he got that Hatchet in the head. We played Monopoly, Jenga and Trivial Pursuit. Vic also liked to kill animals with his bare hands. I just never got into that.

I'm hoping to bring back some souvenirs. Maybe a severed head, a decapitated arm and possibly my very own hatchet.

So while I'm eating some jambalaya, crawfish and creole food, drop me a line and let me know what's the what. Let me know what you think of the jaded viewer. Do you want more lists? more commentaries? more reviews? more porn?

Let me know or I'll get Vic to drop by your house. I warned ya.





And as a added bonus check out Adam Green's newest Halloween short "Jack Chop"!!!
His shorts are hil-freakin-larious. You can check some of them by going here.





Be back soon!

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Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The 5 Types of Moviegoers who Watch Horror Movies

After going to watch a movie theater this past weekend, I wanted to talk about what's it like to go see a movie. Be it if you're in a small town or big city, I believe we all have at one point gone though the same experience. These are just things that happen to all of us, and it just fucks shit up.

First, I'll start off with a list of people who annoy the fuck out of me when I got to a movie in a theater. These are the people who need to be boiled with oil.

1.) The dude who doesn't know how to use the automated ticket vendy machine
2.) The people who talk about the movie they've just seen as they come out of the theater somehow ruining it for the people on line for the same movie
3.) The dude who orders the fuckin big ass tub of lard popcorn
4.) The schmucks who look aimlessly for a seat for 4, 5 minutes before the movie starts in the packed auditorium of a movie that premieres that night
5.) The girl who starts a phone conversation during the first 10 minutes
6.) The guy who Twitters during the movie
7.) The "I'm saving this entire row of seats" with my backpack guy
8.) The people who sit in the middle row and get up every 20 minutes
9.) The guy who sits next to you, interrupts your conversation and spills his fuckin movie trivia knowledge
10.) The "Shhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh" people

There are so many more, I may need to make a separate list. In any case, the meat and potatoes of this post is the 5 types of moviegoers who see horror movies. Well, I started noticing what the typical horror audience is made up of. The list below are all the types you'll encounter when you see your next horror movie (be on the lookout for these people when you see the 3D megapocalypse The Final Destination).

So without further interruption...here be the list


5.) The Joe and Joanna


Who are they? These are your typical, regular Joe and Joanna Schmo moviegoer. Probably on their standard issue Friday night date, they have no idea what movie they are going to see when they arrive at the theater. These are the people on line waiting for popcorn and are constantly looking around for people they know. They will probably eat at TGIF or Chilis after the movie and 5 minutes after watching the movie will not remember how it ended.

4.) The Tweens

Who are they? Yes, the tweens. This is the main target group for Hollywood and why the PG-13 horror movie exists. Generation Y, as they are also known as, pretty much decide what's a successful horror movie and what will go straight to DVD in a few weeks. The reason why they have so much power? Because they can Facebook and Twitter their positive or negative reaction in a nano-second. They come in droves, possibly 3-6 tweeny girls and usually 2-4 tweeny boys using their weekly allowance to shift the box office as they please. You can notice them as they usually arrive 3 hours before their movie starts (they usually hang out by the arcade machines). The boys love awesome kills and gratuitous nudity, the girls thought they were seeing Twilight with gore.

3.) The Jabronis

Who are they? The jabronis are the largest group of movie goers. They will see utter shit and like it. These are the people who are the mindless zombies (see above), sneak into every comedy, action movie and they avoid drama's and intellectual films like they have SARS. They usually sit in the back back back row of the theater, speak and laugh loudly and have to be "Shhhhh"-ed.
They are solely responsible for the box office numbers being completely out of control. Not internet saavy at all, they are coerced into seeing movies only through the posters on buses and subways and because of those 30 secon spots on MTV and BET. Some are partially illiterate.

2.) The Geeks

Who are they? Internet fandom at its finest. They've watched all the trailers, know who the directors, writers and CGI people are and are dedicated to their studios ("I love Rogue!). They've seen every Romero movie and find nothing wrong with Diary of the Dead. The geeks are solely responsible for making Cloverfield a hit. They come to the theater 30 minutes before the movie starts and wait patiently on line. They are so hyped, they pop a few Ritalins to calm the fuck down. They steal the Real D glasses hoping to use it for their next 3D extravaganza. They've plastered posters and have extensive DVD collections. These are the people who comment on every major horror site (including mine..thanks!)


1.) The Core


Who are they? Well the core is short for the "hardcore" fans. Simply said, they are like me. People so dedicated to horror, they run their own horror blogs. These people know their shit, inside and out. They comment all over the horror-sphere and make fun of people who don't follow horror. They are the purists, the "why are they fuckin raping my horror childhood"? peeps. These are the people who arrive an hour before the movie starts, checking out Bloody Disgusting while waiting on line. They've attended all the major horror conventions, some have made fan trailers and have done extensive homework on the horror movie they are about to watch. These are the movie fans who can know who the killer is 10 minutes in, point out obscure references and laugh at the "inside jokes" the director decided to make. They secretly control what may be remade because Hollywood sees what movies we've created cult followings for and exploits the shit out of it. The core-ists have attended Comic Con and have subscriptions to Fangoria. The core knows all about the obscure, indie horror movies and tries to convince the geeks to watch them. People come to the core for information and really do want to know what they think. We're the core. Nuff said.

So next time you're at the theater watching a horror movie, try to see who is in which group and report back what you see. Am I dead on with these types? I am completely way off? Let me know.

Trust me, you'll be shocked by how much I'm right.

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Tuesday, July 28, 2009

The Horrorsphere: What We Have in Common

I ran out of horror movies to watch.

That's a first. Don't worry, my dealer sent me a new flick to review and it should be up before the week is up. In any case, after reading this post from Freddy in Space I too got inspired to chime in on the awesomeness of being part of the horror blogging community.

Taking a cue from BJ-C from Day of the Woman who lists 7 things on why the horror blogging community is the coolest I figured I'd go on a different tangent. I'm going to list the things I think we have in common. These may be dead on or waaay off. But here it goes. I'm doing my best George Carlin "little things we all have in common, universal moments we share..." impersonation.

-We visit Bloody Disgusting, Fangoria and Dread Central every day
-We have Blogger all tabbed up and ready to go
-We have comments e-mailed to us and reply within 15 minutes
-We check our traffic every 2 days
-We skim the RSS feeds of other horror blogs and click on only our faves
-We IMDB a movie of a trailer we've just seen, then click on Trivia (if any), check out the user comments and/or click on external reviews
-We constantly add our reviews to external reviews on IMDB
-We check on Google Followers we have
-We check on how many Twitter followers we have
-We read each and every comment posted on our site even if its a comment on a post we did like 3 years ago
-We write our best posts way late at night
-We are easily encouraged when somebody likes our review and want to eviscerate Voorhees style anybody who disagrees with our reviews
-We write reviews with at least 2 quotable lines so just in case, a distributor may use it on the back of a DVD box
-We use horror slang in our everyday conversations like we're vocally blogging
-We've all been visited by a user from a country we cannot pronounce
-We are shocked when Hollywood actually comes out with a good hard R horror film
-We all moan when Platinum Dunes decides to rape our collective horror childhood and remakes yet another horror classic
-We all know who Adam Green is
-We have all written a retro review (which all came from some late night viewing of something in our DVD collection)
-We have all attended one of the following (or all of em), Fangoria Weekend of Horrors, Chiller Theater, Fantastic Fest, NY or SD Comic Con, Cinema Wastleand, Horrorhound, Fantasia, Rue Morgue's Festival of Fear, etc.
-We have all got e-mails from filmmakers, directors and writers hoping to give some press to their flicks
-We all have a bootleg version of Night of the Living Dead
-We have all read Max Brook's World War Z
-We have at least 3 t-shirts of our favorite horror movies
-We get excited when we get a screener in the mail
-We have seen one of the After Dark Horrorfest movies and regretted it
-We think some of the monsters or animal/insect movies gone wild on the Sci Fi channel are funny good but will never admit it
-We have all met Kane Hodder
-We have all met Tom Savini
-We have all met George A. Romero
-We all went to see at least 1 3D horror movie and kept the Real D glasses
-We are constantly looking for classic horror or exploitation trailers on YouTube
-We all secretly love Judd Apatow films
-We all comment on each others blogs because we genuinely have something to say
-We all hope the next leap, will be the leap home

One day, I hope too meet other horror bloggers (any horror bloggers from NYC or the tri state area?) It would be awesome to talk about horror and whatnot. Be sure to check out all the horror blogs from all the links to the right. All these blogs are probably way better than mine, but not one of them covers Van Damme like I do. :-P

I'll finally conclude with this. They're listening.

The directors, fimmakers, distributors, studios and even some mainstreaminess media listen to what's going on in our corner of the web. I've gotten e-mails from directors, writers and studios who thank me and the horrorsphere for giving their indie horror flick some press or reviewing their indie movie via a screener. It's exhilarating to hear that praise and gratitude from the industry you cover and write about.

The horrorsphere is not dead.

It's growing and it's a shacky cam flick away from being remade.


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Monday, July 20, 2009

the jaded viewer in the horrorsphere press

People ask me why I started the jaded viewer.

Simple.

One day, I'd like to see a quote from one of my reviews on the back of a DVD box. I just think that would be mega cool.

I've come close. Toby Wilkins, the director of Splinter posted a review blurb on his tumblr blog.

And a few others have been putting links to my reviews on their sites. I've compiled a few of them below. Click on the image to go to the jaded viewer blurb.So yeah, this is just a me touting a few press internet clippings from the filmmakers and official sites.

One day, a jaded viewer quote will be on the front or back of a DVD box. And when that day comes, I'll end the site. :-P














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