a jaded viewer reviews the world of horror, splatter, gore, cult, grindhouse, trash, b-movie, erotica, indie, asian and exploitation films
Thursday, March 04, 2010
Glenn Kay's Top 25 Zombie Movies of All Time
I went to a thrift store a few weeks ago and in their book department was this little book that I figured I could pick up on the cheap. Zombie Movies: The Ultimate Guide by Glenn Kay. I am not familiar with Glenn Kay but I figure he wrote a book so he must have some street cred.
The book is an interesting read on the origins of the zombie film (it's Haiti voodoo for the uninformed) and the classic zombie films to the modern day cult flicks. Kay reviews an encyclopedia of zombie movies rating them with brain eating cartoons for the best and arrows in the head for the worst.
What I found to be the most interesting though is he wrote down his own list of the Top 25 Zombie Movies of All Time. I love lists (even when they aren't even my own) but I have my own top 10 zombie movies of all time list which I'll include below.
The one thing you can count on with lists is there will be blood as people will criticize or praise to the end of eternity what's on this list. If you want to know why he has one movie ranked higher, pick up the book. It's available on Amazon.com.
Here's the list! (FYI: this was published in 2008) Let the arguing begin!
Dawn of the Dead
Night of the Living Dead
Shaun of the Dead
Day of the Dead
Braindead
Re-Animator
The Return of the Living Dead
28 Days Later
The Serpent and the Rainbow
White Zombie
The Walking Dead
Night of the Living Dead (90)
Dellamorte Dellamore
Prince of Darkness
Night of the Creeps
Creepshow: "Father's Day"
Dead & Buried
Grindhouse: "Planet Terror"
Zombi 2
Land of the Dead
Let Sleeping Corpses Lie
I Walked with a Zombie
Tales from the Crypt: "Poetic Justice"
Sugar Hill
Plan 9 from Outer Space
the jaded viewer says: I agree with his #1 as its on my own list. But to put Shaun of the Dead at #3 is a little much. Even Day of.... in the top 10 is little extreme. OK, as promised here is my own which I wrote on 2002. Why am I posting a list from 2002? I don't know...I figure it could stand to take some criticism. Has there been a zombie movie since 2002 that I should add? I mean I still think its pretty solid.
I should write a little explanation on each but I'm a lazy bastard so sue me. After looking at the list, I have Evil Dead 2 on it. Also I have 3 Fulci movies on this list. I remember I was on some kind of Fulci kick back in 02. Ahh memories. As an added bonus, I've posted Insano Steve's Top 10 zombie movies of all time as well. the jaded viewer's Top 10 Zombie Movies of All Time (as of 4/1/02)
Dawn of the Dead
Night of the Living Dead
Zombi 2
Braindead
The Beyond
Re-Animator
The Gates of Hell
Evil Dead 2
Night of the Creeps
Dellamorte Dellamore
Insano Steve's Top 10 Zombie Movies of All Time (as of 4/1/02)
Zombi 2
Braindead
Evil Dead
Re-Animator
Versus
Dawn of the Dead
Demons
Dellamorte Dellamore
Night of the Creeps
Zombie Holocaust
Thoughts about Kay's list, Insano Steve's or my own list? Hell, what's your list of the best zombie movies of all time?
I rarely post any mainstream news on here but I gotta say, after seeing the trailer for The Dead, I got flashbacks of Lucio Fulci's Zombi 2. Damn this looks awesome. I thought the zombie film was a shotgun to the head away from dying, but I might be wrong.
I'm not too excited about George A. Romero's Survival of the Dead as the early exit interviews have been ripe with "ugh" and "WTF". But The Dead, directed by the Ford Bros. looks like a zombie classic waiting to happen.
After crashing off the coast, Lt Brian Murphy battles for survival across the vast terrains of Africa in search for a way to get back to his beloved family. Joined by local military man Daniel Dembele who is also searching for his son, together both men join forces all the while battling against the ever present threat of the living dead! the jaded viewer says: African zombies!!! Head shots! Slow moving zombies! An American soldier on the run. Damn this sounds like Resident Evil 4! OMG! It is!
I didn't really expect a good movie as I popped OneChanbara into my DVD player but I mean the cover has a girl with samurai swords, a cowboy hat and she's wearing a bikini. Least this could have been was Japanese Skinemax.
But it turns out OneChanbara, which is based on a PS2/Xbox game wasn't a Versus like zombie movie or Japanese hentai. It turned out to be some low end, cash in video game movie that was probably directed by the Japanese Uwe Boll.
Egads.
So who is this girl on the cover? Her name is Aya, some mystical assassin with kick ass sword skills that by pressing "X" alot with "square" enables her to slaughter the attacking zombie hordes. She's got a fat fuck Japanese guy with her that plays as comic relief and Reiko, a shot gun toting zombie renegade.
Mission wise, they go from setting to setting killing zombies until they reach Dr. Sugita and his protege Saki (who is Aya's sister). Various hadoukens later, she kills her sister and they ride into the zombie filled sunset.
Yawn.
The girl on the cover was mute for most of the movie and oddly wasn't hot as I thought she was gonna be. Also, you've got your standard Sailor Moon schoolgirl outfits, zombies who use weapons and various goofy CGI.
I haven't seen a good Japanese zombie in a while and had low expectations for this but I'm eager to get our next good Japanese zombie movie. You listening Japan? Get to it.
Rating:
1/2 a
Here's the trailer.
Wow these video game trailers have more skin than the movie....
Deadgirl is like a depraved, warped up horror version of Stand by Me. Think an indie film with a horror element Romero-ed into it. Such is the beauty and the chill sicko-ness of Deadgirl, definitely one of the top 10 horror movies of 2009.
I've seen films where as I'm watching I feel really ashamed to be seeing this. Deadgirl so disturbing yet highly provocative that at the end you feel dirty, kinda ugh and your definitely not Jersey Shore fist pumping in the air. But when a movie like this comes along, you have to give it a standing O. It puts on screen images that challenge your morality, question your ethics, think of things a little differently and amp up your Klingon vengeance served cold. So many emotions are rushed into you in an hour 40 min, that even though they're not happy thoughts, it leaves an impact even the most logical Vulcan would feel. (yay! 2 Star Trek references in 2 straight sentences!)
Deadgirl is what a horror movie that runs fuel of all that is wrong, but somehow you want to see this Elephant Man car all the way to the end. That's the nature of seeing something so raw, so real and so disturbingly human. Boring Plot-O-Matic
Two high school boys discover an imprisoned woman in an abandoned mental asylum who cannot die.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
Rickie (Shiloh Fernandez) and JT (Noah Segan) are stoner high school friends, our stereotypical high school burnouts who discover in a abandoned mental hospital a decaying woman who is unbelievably alive. Their discovery and what they should do is shocking but also establishes who these kids are. Rickie is our anti-hero, whose ethically challenged and JT who basically wants to play with their new sex toy and has no qualms about doing some fucked up shit.
In the middle of all this, Rickie has a uber crush on JoAnn, who is the GF of jock douchebag Johnny. After JT brings their other friend Wheeler into the mix, the wheels start turning as we see JT and Wheeler violate the decomposing corpse and Rickie struggling with what do. The film focuses on Rickie, his family life, his obsessive stalker persona of JoAnn and keeping this fuckin huge secret...well a secret. Later, others "discover" what's going on, pay for their horniness and leads to a JT vs Rickie vs Deadgirl showdown. The core will have figured out the ending but the jabronis (the few who attempted to watch this) will be screaming bloody murder.
Got all that? To review this movie you really have to strip the horror part of the zombie girl out of the mix. Because when you do, all your left with is a movie about men's perception of women, a teenage angst high school flick and the control of your destiny. Sure, we got zombies, some gore and splatter but Sarmiento and Harel could have easily made an ALIVE girl and not a Deadgirl and we would be talking about the same things (and worst, it would have made this movie 1 billion times more disturbing).
The misogyny engrained in Deadgirl is highly graphic. Not glamorized but highly gritty, the dead girl (played by Jenny Spain) is repeatedly raped and tortured. Treated as a piece of meat, the film takes the high ground in terms of torture porn. All the men who partake don't do it because they are evil (I mean they are...to do this, you gotta be fucked up) but because it's controlled and predictable. The opportunity is 100% guaranteed and in this adolescent world, it is - the peer pressure that overtakes all logic.
This segways into the teenage high school angst aspect. JT, Rickie and Wheeler get the crap beaten out of them by the jockiest jocks. With no control in the outside world, they are crawl into the basement of the mental asylum where they are in control. Deadgirl plays into the high school dynamic perfectly. In one way, Rickie goes back and forth between the two. His love for JoAnn in the real world is unpredictable and painful as opposed to this deadgirl world. But Deadgirl doesn't deliver us a John Hughes Bender/Claire happy ending. It's too smart to know we won't buy it. Instead, the reality of the 2 worlds clashes and in the end you get one that's blended like a bizarro world. And that's why JT and Wheeler embrace the dead girl world. In a most WTF moment,JT puts lipstick and a glamor mag on the dead girl to make her "attractive". They have accepted that they'll be pumping gas or live a life destined to servicing the above classes. JT utters this to Rickie towards the end of the movie.
"Think about it, we're just can fodder for the rest of the world. Down here we're in control. We call the shots down here....you don't have to be the nice guy"
Three distinct issues are blended into a movie and throw in a zombie girl (fun fact! the term zombie is never uttered by any of the characters) and it all equals a horror movie that you want to recommend but are ashamed to admit you watched. What the Deadgirl represents is multiple ideas. Our objectification of women, our longing to be better than who we are and our motivation to control our lives and the moments in them because we thing it's the easiest route to happiness.
Filled with the most disturbing and fucked up scenes of human depravity and even some moments of ha ha's, Deadgirl has vaulted up on my list of the best horror movies of 2009. The performances from the no-name cast are solid as is the story from Trent Haaga and the direction from Sarmiento and Harel. The disturbing images and some scenes of drag and even a few hiccuping weirdness knock out a half from my rating. When I tell you a movie makes an impact, don't take that shit likely.
That's my way of telling you to see this film with a bag over my head.
Gore-ipedia
Oozing oozes Corpse rotting Face and lip trauma Corpse yuckiness Deadgirl ickyness
Nude-ipedia
Is corpse nudity considered nudity?
WTF moment
Zombie BJ One hell of a shit Big momma kicks the crap out JT and Wheeler
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis
This is another movie I've watched towards the end of the year so I can come up with a clear list of my top 10 horror movies of 2009. I do this every year and every freakin year something gets bumped that I originally had on there.
The fact that Deadgirl is going to bump something off the list, says frakin volumes.
It's out on DVD, probably through Amazon and Netflix or wherever you get your movies these days.
Zombie Santa and the jaded viewer wish you a Merry Christmas!
Merry Christmas everyone! Here's hoping you got all the presents you wanted and some you can hopefully re-gift. Well I do have a gift for you all as well. My gift to you is some of my holiday themed posts I've written this year packaged for you in this nice bow tied post.
Not enough for you? Well Black Dynamite has a message for you too!
You want more? OK, go ahead and watch Xmas Trees slaughter happy families on Christmas morning. It's Treevenge!!! (yeah I know everybody gonna post this up on their blog and site...what the hell, I might as well to)
Part 1
We will return you to your show after this brief horror Christmas related commercial message.....
We now return you to your regularly scheduled program.....
I found the trailer for Alice Jacobs is Dead last week. It was a short that from the trailer seemed to give us a different perspective on what a zombie film could be.
And what a difference it is.
Here is what we don't see: Zombie hordes in mass, kinetic, fast moving zombies, good guys vs zombies or any zombie attack force.
Here is what we DO see: A couple who are deeply in love until the bitter end despite a sickness that ultimately leads both of them to their deaths.
Alice Jacobs is part zombie film, part romance story. It's zombmanticism. A new subgenre of zombie films that takes the Romero of old and adds in a tender juicy slice of love. Put in the shoes of our brilliant doctor and having to choose between the woman he loves and the safety of the human race, it's an ethical and moral question that puts the viewer to the test. What would you do? Boring Plot-O-Matic
Dr. Ben Jacobs saved the world. The drug he created allowed mankind to fight back against the Z-virus, which nearly destroyed civilization entirely. Now, in the aftermath of the crisis, hes trying to cure the last victims of the virus. But what will happen when he brings his mysterious work home?
Awesome Review-O-Matic Alice Jacobs is Dead stars John La Zar as Dr. Ben Jacobs and Adrienne Barbeau as Alice Jacobs. It has a feel of World War Z as we are 2 years removed from the outbreak, with a partial cure coming from the doc. But unknown to all, including his lab scientist George, his wife is sick with the virus as well, having been prolonged by Jacob's "cure". She lives between life and zombie life, a purgatory of hell in which she is imprisoned in her own home.
Barbeau is perfect as Alice who has to deal with this conflict. Trapped and beginning to get the cravings of a soon to be undead, she deteriorates before our very eyes. In the penultimate scene of her pending transformation, she devours tasty red meat in glorious cannibalism. La Zar is solid as the doc and husband who blinded by love lives only to find a cure and keep his wife alive.
Later, our junior doc discovers Dr. Jacob's "secret" which leads to the chilling conclusion. Dr. Jacobs has to make a choice. Keep his wife alive or kill her to protect humanity. That's the foreground question of AJID. But the backround question is what Alice decides to do. She too has to make a choice. Prolong a life isolated from humanity or let the sickness progress and turn into the inevitable. Which would you choose?
Romero made us feel for Zombies with Bub in Day of the Dead, but never have I felt torn for how I felt about Alice Jacobs. Humanizing people with a sickness may be the satire of this zombie short but it's packs an emotional POW!
Alice Jacobs is Dead is what zombie movies should be in this new millennium. Spinning a new perspective on this genre, questioning our morality and adding scenes of terror and gore to the satire.
At the end of watching Alice Jacobs is Dead, those 2 questions will linger in your mind for a long time. What would you do? Gore-ipedia
Some ripped intestines Blood trauma to the back of the head WTF moment
The ending
The Jaded Viewer's Final Prognosis Check out the official site and Facebook page for more information. Thanks to Alex Horwitz for sending me a screener of the short film. Hopefully the short will make its go around in festivals soon. People need to see this if they even consider themselves a fan of zombie movies.
I think I may have found the Romero zombie movie I've been looking for. And it's not Survival of the Dead. Oddly enough, after watching the trailer for Alex Horwitz's trailer for his short Alice Jacobs is Dead, I think this may be the zombie film that we should all want to see.
Here be the plot:
Dr. Ben Jacobs saved the world. The drug he created allowed mankind to fight back against the Z-virus, which nearly destroyed civilization entirely. Now, in the aftermath of the crisis, hes trying to cure the last victims of the virus. But what will happen when he brings his mysterious work home?
Starring John La Zar and Adrienne Barbeau, it has a feel of World War Z mixed in with I Am Legend and a touch of Night of the Living Dead. It's interesting enough to get on my radar. It should all be on yours as well.
It premiered at the San Diego Comic Con this summer. Check out the official site and Facebook page for more information.
Good ole America. We're back to take what's rightfully ours. I guy from Pittsburgh created the zombie film so it's fitting we take back the zombie comedy. Hey, Shaun of the Dead, you had your time at the top, but Zombieland shotgunned you out of the way and blew a hole right in your face.
Ruben Fleischer's Zombieland, written by Rhett Reese and Paul Wernick have created the new standard in zombie comedy. You get the feel they took all the zombie culture references (Max Brook's The Zombie Survival Guide being most evident and every other zombie comedy and blended it into a cohesive, yummy tasting awesome comedy.
Woody H., Jesse E, Emma S and Abigail B are all working a nice solid with their performances. Just dead on with Woody as the redneck papa, Jesse playing his Adventureland role in a post apocalyptic way and Emma being the hottie with the scams and Abigail taking her tween acting into overdrive.
OK, enough of the gushing and spewing of love by me. It's just going to get messy. On to the WTF list. SPOILERS OHOY!
1.) The opening slo mo sequence is credit breaking-tastic 2.) Cardio 3.) Double Tap 4.) 406 may be the hottest zombie to appear ever 5.) Columbus, Tallahassee, Wichita and Little Rock (now thats what I call memorable movie character names) 6.) Enjoy the Little Things 7.) The ring con 8.) Twinkies have a half life...I'm sure of it. 9.) Fast moving zombies are only awesome when there in slo mo 10.) The logical conclusion of fat zombies 11.) "You gotta love rednecks!" 12.) Who you gonna call? 13.) I did not know B.M. was in this. So when Zombie Bill showed up I almost laughed out loud my vocal cords 14.) "We're gonna build a fort" (I just liked that line) 15.) Tallahassee goes John Wayne on the amusement park zombies 16.) No more Facebooking status updates ever in Zombieland 17.) Columbus's Diablo Cody self aware dialogue 18.) Bill and Columbus reenact a scene from Ghostbusters with Wichita doing to Janine voice 19.) The end credits have one final scene with Bill and Woody 20.) Bill's demise and Garfield reference
21.) Zombie Kill of the Week!
Here are some of the 47 rules to survive Zombieland
Megagasmic awesome flick thru and thru. The fact they didn't let up with the gore and splatter is a testament to the fact that they know Wiki about zombie movies. It hit on all the right notes, was self aware of what it was parodying but then made it its own.
Zombieland is probably going to be my #1 comedy (not just zombie comedy) of 2009. With this rush of vampire flicks infiltrating TV and movies, the zombie horror comedy movie may be on the decline. But Tallahassee isn't hearing that shit.
With the pending release of Survival of the Dead, we will have now seen George A. Romero's version of the Star Wars trilogy, but with zombies. Nobody questions the original trilogy (Night, Dawn and Day) are the pinnacle by which all zombie movies are judged. Dawn alone is one of the best horror movies of all time. But what of this new trilogy? Do we horror fans turn into geeky fan boy bashers when it comes to Romero's new take on his creation?
Think about how this so closely resembles that "other" trilogy.
The new zombie movies had:
1.) Big name actors (more so in Land than in Diary) 2.) Tons of CGI effects (CGI zombies, gore and splatter) 3.) Gimmicky film device (SOV, hand held camera shakiness) 4.) Special effects and big budget excess (both flicks) 5.) Lots of references to the previous films (both flicks)
And Land (2005), Diary (2007) and Survival of (2009) have all come out 2 years after each other.
So let's get into the thread of the week. Which film did you like better or do you think was better? Which one sucked monkey balls?
Will Survival of the Dead be better or worse than these 2 previous films?
the jaded viewer says: OK, the hype Land of the Dead receive was insane back in 2005. I mean it was Romero's first zombie flick since Day. And though it had its flaws, I dug it. I dug the characters, the setting and the zombies. And the satire is in plain sight no matter how obvious. It's about classism, the rich vs the poor, the haves and the have-nots. The fact the status quo somehow remained intact in the middle of a post apocalyptic world.
My gripes for Diary of the Dead can be found in my review. To sum it up I had problems with the 1st person camera thingy, the characters sucked, lack of splatter and gore and the nerve of George to explain to me about what he was satirizing in a voiceover.
Winner: Land of the Dead!
OK now it's your turn. Which movie did you think was better? And what are your thoughts of Survival? Will it be better? worse? the same?
Well I may not be the biggest proponent of the horror comedy big budget productions coming from Hollywood, but I'll admit Zombieland looks damn funny. It may be the USA's answer to Shawn of the Dead.
Starring Woody Harrelson and Jesse Eisenberg and a list of up and coming Hollywood hotties (Emma Stone and Amber Heard) and directed by Ruben Fleischer, it seems zombies aren't deader as dead yet after the vampire boom.
In the horror comedy Zombieland focuses on two men who have found a way to survive a world overrun by zombies. Columbus is a big wuss -- but when you're afraid of being eaten by zombies, fear can keep you alive. Tallahassee is an AK-toting, zombie-slaying' bad ass whose single determination is to get the last Twinkie on earth. As they join forces with Wichita and Little Rock, who have also found unique ways to survive the zombie mayhem, they will have to determine which is worse: relying on each other or succumbing to the zombies.
Here be the trailer.
UGO.com has posted exclusive clips of some new videos starring Woody and Jesse answering viewer mail and discussing "rules" of what you need to survive a zombie onslaught. These include different weapons you may need (skillet, swiss army knife, bowling balls, etc.) And what do paper towels and the buddy system have to do with anything?!?
I first read about Colin and it's $70 shoestring budget on CNN which has a interesting article about the film and its UK director Marc Price. Now that its premiered at Cannes and is getting hype among the horror-sphere I am intrigued by the set up.
It's a zombie film from the zombie's point of view.
Now's that's different. But on the proverbial flipside of the coin is the thing I hate the most. From what I read it's got that Blair Witch/Cloverfield point of view shaky cam also. Arghhh.
A movie POV where we are not tagging along with survivors sounds interesting to a point. I'll have to check this out when it gets distributed. You can check out the trailer below.
It's been a weird week this week. I've been lacking time to review anything though I did receive something in the mail today that made me laugh. I'll probably detail that next week. In the mean time, for the rest of the week I'll be posting some trailers you may have missed via the horror grapevine.
Zombie Hunters: City of the Dead (TV Series) (2008)
Directed by Patrick Davaney
The zombie-mania thats been plaguing America is a hit or miss thing. For every Rec there is a Diary of the Dead. For every 28 Days Later, there is a Automaton Transfusion.
But now its infected the independent world of cinema and the horror community.
After touring Chiller, I stumbled upon a booth of geared up soldiers ready to blow up shit. And they were offering something I've never heard of.
A zombie TV show.
Well that's new. A NYC production, they gave their sales pitch. We discussed the POV horror I hate so much and they laid out what they were all about. Hmmm. So I forked over some cash and bought myself a DVD of the first 4 episodes of Zombie Hunters - City of the Dead.
I support the indie horror scene. I was once a zombie on a low budget short film in college. You gotta give props to people willing to take a risk and make something they hope horror-lings will appreciate.
Well it's got heart.
Boring Plot-O-Matic
ZOMBIE HUNTERS is a show of modern horror. It details the lives of Billy Cassidy and his group of friends and family, all trying to survive the re-awakening of the dead in New York City.
Awesome Review-O-Matic
The first feeling I got when watching ZH was like watching a living adaptation of a chapter in Max Brook's World War Z which is one of the best books about zombies...EVAR!!
World War Z told different stories of people's experience during the Zombie War. Each perspective gave you a view of what it was like and how people survived.
ZH, if somehow was jigsawed into WWZ was an interesting take on how New Yorkers would handle such a situation. Would we all take up arms and go all militia? Would we wait for the government to send troops to save us. Or would we make our house or apartment a fortress and build a fuckin moat?
Episode 1
The pilot was a quick intro to the main characters. Billy Cassidy our main anti-hero and his 2 friends Bates and Denworth. With the help of 2 doctors they save a couple who seem to be at the wrong place at the wrong time.
Episode 2
2 of our ZHs have to save a girl lost in the woods. Solid entrails eating and gratuitous headshots.
Episode 3
We get an intro to how the 2 doctors joined the team as they are attacked in a hospital.
Episode 4
The ZH's try to buy guns from a survivalist militia group and shit hits the fan.
The zombies are your generic, slow moving, very fuckin dumb, oozing guts, very pale zombies (fuck frenetic zombies!). Lots of moody music and trash metal are met with quick surreal shots that go for tone and atmosphere. Think lots of darkness and 60 watt lighting.
As low budget as ZH's is, it tries to give you that sense of dread of living in a world where the dead have come back to life. They hunt the dead in abandoned buildings, backwoods and dark streets. The suspense is littered but sometimes it dragged way too long.
The 3 main actors were all solid and gave decent performances. It was like talking to your friends at a BBQ but with zombies. A few cameo performances were outright horrible ranging from the distressed couple to a mom worrying about her daughter. Total spazzing wooden acting and outright reading your line performances, I could only wince.
But it's the zombie violence that bulks up Zombie Hunters. Back to the basics, Savini style, very minimal CGI gore and splatter. Headshots galore, finger flesh eating, intestine munching and white wall blood splatter.
It's that effort that makes up for the shortcomings of ZH.
And that's where the heart comes in. Zombie Hunters is ambitious, splicing in a TV newscast every episode complete with news anchors and "on the street" interviews which I found very entertaining.
The scope and landscape they wanted to accomplish may have been over ambitious but they pushed and pushed to make a horror TV show they wanted to make. And that's pure heart. A heart covered with blood, intestines and guts.
You gotta love it.
Gore-ipedia (if you want to be shocked don't read)
What do Dean Cain, Brooke Burns and Meatloaf have in common?
Well they were all in the same horror movie together. A movie called Urban Decay.
And it seems this movie is becoming a Hollywood B-flick urban legend of shit hitting the fan.
The movie from what I can gather at the IMDB message boards will probably never see the light of day as it seems the producers never paid the Teamsters and any of the actors and production crew. The producers ran off with the fuckin money.
That's just messed up.
The disgruntled crew want everybody to boycott the movie, but that shouldn't be hard if it never gets released.
So all we're left with is some sort of badly written plot by some screenwriting waiter and a goofy trailer of what could have been.
Cab driver Stan slams into a homeless man, who gets up and walks away, leaving behind a scarf covered with writhing maggots. Obsessed with the mystery, Stan hunts the ragtag figure through the city, discovering a trail of mangled, half-eaten victims, and an urban legend : Pusshead was a sewer worker who came back from an uncharted tunnel changed into something both living and dead. Parents warn their children that the shuffling zombie will get them if they stay out on the streets too late... But as the body count rises, Stan finds that the legend is alive and well... hungry.
We could have actually seen a homeless zombie killing Brooke Burns (who would have taken her place as co-host of Hole in the Wall?)
Perusing the trailers on other horror sites is part of the deal when running the jaded viewer. I only post trailers I find interesting.
So you won't see trailers for Saw V or some other Hollywood crap.
What you will see is the promotional teaser trailers for Gorehound Canned Film's Worst Case Scenario. Seems like the $$$ they we're getting from our pussy American companies fell thru, but I think they're now geared up and ready to go.
Yay for our Euro splatter counterparts across the pond.
The plot is making us gorehounds salivate....
This horror movie centers on the common friction between neighboring countries. It's a global phenomenon, and even in peaceful Western Europe you will find old grudges. If you dig deep enough.
In the final of the World Championship soccer games Holland and Germany are going to war. An American on a personal quest antagonizes a group of hooligans that chase him to a North Sea island. There awaits an opponent in a league of its own.
Aquatic Nazi Ghoul Zombies.
Nuff said.
Actually, that's not all. We get some awesome promo trailers!
Everybody has seen Lucio Fulci's Zombi. It's a cult classic. I can watch this film over and over again. From the opening scene of a empty boat drifting in the New York harbor with chubby zombie to the quirky characters who make there way to the mysterious island of Matool, it's the penultimate classic of zombie zen.
So at last I've dedicated this list to maestro Fulci and below are the jaded viewer's top 5 scenes in Zombi.
Frak you! On to the list!
5.)"Moshing Zombies"
Why it kicks ass: This is the pseudo ending as it's our heroes and heroine vs zombies. I call them moshing zombies because they've all decided to clump up and "mosh" as they try to enter. The Zombi theme is in full effect and we get penty 'o headshots. Zombies are on fire are always hilarious.
And without a doubt....could you put a bullet in the brain of your now zombie friend?
4.) "Zombies walk over Brooklyn Bridge"
Why it kicks ass: It's the last scene. The radio broadcast is ominous and freaky. And there walking over the fuckin bridge and shit's about to hit the fan for all New Yorkers. Everybody run to the Bronx. Good Times.
3.) "Conquistador Zombie rises" (1:27-2:32)
Why it kicks ass: I call this zombie "conquistador zombie", just because I think he was a conquistador. Fuck...he's on the cover of the box so he'd have to be on the list. Best part is the woman's reaction as she waits for whats seems like 20 minutes for the zombie to rise from his grave (which seems to be like 1 foot deep) and get bitten in a bloody gore-ific neck trauma. Poor zombie dude was "alive" for like 3 minutes then gets hs brain split in 2. Poor conquistador zombie.
2.) "Zombie vs Shark"
Why it kicks ass: One of the 2 famous scenes from Zombi 2. You'll never see a zombie vs a shark ever again......right? Zombi theme kicks ass and this scene is like 500 minutes long. And there's no definitive winner!
1.) "Ocular Trauma"
Why it kicks ass: The setup is hot. Blonde babe finishes taking a shower, hears groaning, then zombies attack. As she gets pulled into the wooden splinter, you think we'd cut away like some shitty Hollywood PG-13 gutter trash flick but WE DON'T. We see the eye go right on through. We see the eye with the splinter in it and we see the eye get ripped apart. Beautiful ocular trauma. An eye gouging for the ages. Beautiful....I'm going to cry.
It's like a zombie movie is being made every minute of every day. Some are just crappy and some are darn tootin pretty good.
But below are 5 zombie movies that you probably never heard of. (OK maybe some of you have, but I know for a fact, you've forgotten). They are all from different countries which give their take on the zombie sub genre.
Thnks to YouTube, you can check out the trailers and decide if you want to go into the zombie vault and check out these flicks.
Prognosis: Low budget zombie movie from Argentina thats part Evil Dead and filled with decapitations and green oozing blood. Like Brain Dead but in Spanish.
Prognosis: Rare American zombie film about a government zombie squad in Akron, Ohio. Lots of Savini-ish gore and very 80s in that Return of the Living Dead sorta way.
Prognosis: Italian zombie movie from horror director Michele Soavi starring Rupert Everett and a very naked Anna Falchi. An undertaker gets the job of killing zombies when they come back to life. This is actually an awesome flick, Guillermo del Toro-ish but with lots of crosses through the head. Good times.
I really should step away from the genre for a while. But with the Day of the Dead remake out as well as Zombie Strippers, I decided to view Automaton Transfusion.
Well that wasn't a good idea.
Straight out of the Dimension Extreme label, and hyped on the dvd cover as "One of the best zombie films in decades" by Bloody Disgusting, I figured it was worth a try.
The thing about Steven Miller's $30,000 indie horror flick, is that its a $30k flick. And it's got fast moving zombies which I absolutely hate.
So those 2 things just doomed this from the beginning.
Plot-o-matic tell us that 3 high school friends, Chris, Scott and Tim are heading to the city to see a rock band when their town in Florida goes all Romero. Zombies are rampant (no explanation for this at all until the end - which begs the question why tell us the plot at the end of the FRAKIN movie?).
The zombies are on the move attacking the residents of Whatever City, USA. The gore and splatter are top, over the top and beyond infinity awesome. A scene where a girl's jaw is ripped apart is gorely, brilliantly executed and a scene of ocular trauma is a great homage to Master Fulci.
There is an Evil Dead moment which climaxes the movie and the end blatantly boasts a To Be Continued establishing a most definite sequel.
Most of these moments and scenes are well done for an amateur film school production. With a bigger budget I see this crew doing some good things.
But alas, for Automaton Transfusion, the lack of good acting, any suspenseful scenes of mass zombies and gun shots that look like over zealous paintballs rounds make it MST3K worthy.
Even at 80 minutes, its still too long.
Kudos to the effort but I've seen countless zombie movies do what AT does. And unless you put zombies in some new location I've never seen before, it's been there, done that.
I really really need to stop watching zombie movies.
Well with the soon to be released Day of the Dead remake on the horizon, this little mockumentary takes the ease off of the gore, splatter, rapid gunfire Romero-topia we've all gotten use to.
Plot-o-matic tell us that real life documenary filmmakers Grace Lee and John Solomon (playing themselves) decide to make a documentary on zombies.
It seems zombies or "revenants" have become a growing populace in Los Angeles but are suffering the pitfalls of any fringe group in our society. They all are trying to live normal lives but they are discriminated, shunned and mocked.
The "ha ha" moment comes in the different types of zombies. Feral, low-functioning and high-functioning. The virus that creates the living dead is spread through bites and the documentary explores 4 distinct zombies, their lives and concludes with a visit to the annual Live Dead festival.
Got all that?
American Zombie is like playing Ro-Sham-Bo (aka Rock, S, Paper).
Let's dig further shall we using this analogy.
Rock
American Zombie rocks in the way of humor. And the humor pours out of the 4 main zombies we follow throughout the flick. Ivan, the zombie slacker, Judy the Asian zombie, cat loving, lonely vegan, Joel the militant, zombie activist and Lisa the string art void, florist.
Spinal Tap-ish and even Michael Moore-ish with its oozing sarcasm, the zombie jokes are a plenty like in a scene as Solomon seaches for "human flesh" in each subject's fridge. All the zombies are unique and quirky with personalities that are outright nuts. They all could be non zombies and it still would be hypnotic to watch.
Ivan the 7-11 slacker undead dude has a girlfriend with a zombie fetish (I mean even famous convicts have groupies right?). Judy's obssessive scrapbooking hobby and Joel's Zombie Advocacy Group are right on in the world of the Guiness Book of the Weird.
The satire is SMACK in your face. Obviously, Lee is telling us zombies represent any minority in America whose been shunned, downtrodded (is that a word?) and forgotten. All minorities have rights and want to be treated as equal even if your rotting away and have maggot infested wounds. It's different to see this done with the undead and thats why it rocked.
Scissors
It's a cut above any zombie movie that uses zombies as a metaphor (ahem Mr. Romero). The conclusion at the Live Dead festival and it's "shocking" twist was well Nostradamused by me 10 minutes into the movie. However, American Zombie tried to figure out what it wanted to be scene after scene. Comedy, Moore-ish seriousness or horror. In the end, it went the serious-horror route.
Paper
The paper analogy comes in the blankness of it all. A pseudo documentary can accomplish satire and be funny all at the same time. The ending was blank of satire and turned into a cliched horror of the dead ending. The engine started running but by the conclusion, American Zombie ran out of gas.
So where was I going with this?
Oh yeah. American Zombie is a great flick, with some scattered flaws and good amount of laughs. Just like Ro-Sham-Bo, I didn't know what was going to be thrown. Rock? Paper? Scissors?
Ryuhei Kitamura first burst into the horror radar scene with his ultimate zombie/yakuza movie Versus. His popularity soared with Azumi and he finally got on the Hollywood scene by directing the last Godzilla film: Gojira: Final Wars.
Now, he's teamed up with Clive Barker to bring us Midnight Meat Train, a horror movie where a New York photographer hunts down a serial killer in the subways of NYC.
The trailer looks like a bad J-Horror movie but if 2 people can pull off a soon to be cult favorite it's Barker and Kitamura.
Diary of the Dead Diary of the Dead (2008) Directed by George A. Romero
Cloverfield with Zombies.
Oh George. Where were you trying to go with this one?
Suffice it to say, I didn't enjoy DOTD. The overall film didn't give me a happy like Land of the Dead where George with his all star cast and special effect zombie gore was like a good meal.
Here are my gripes in no particular order.
1.) 1st person perspective/multiple camera shooting type movies
I'm beginning to hate this film device with a passion. Cloverfield did it and it made me sick. Here the film is edited together from shot footage and for a zombie movie, this just doesn't work. The threat of zombies is seeing them in large masses. That's scary shit. They may be slow but in huge numbers your going to shit in your pants. The movie doesn't need this FPS type device to make it work. George could have made it without this crap and it would have been way better
2.) These characters suck and the acting was horrible
NYU-film school hipsters are worse than NYU hipsters being chased by a monster.
These characters are very badly written.
Jason (the director guy): Yo, you really gotta film everything? Seriously? I mean put the fuckin camera down and help your friends before they get eaten
Debra (the survival girl): She is a spitting image of Eliza Dushku. So annoying with her "I need to save my family" crap. I really wanted her brains eaten.....slowly.
Tony (a dude): ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.
Tracy (hot Texan girl): She barely got naked.
Mary (victim girl): The "where's the religion" perspective
Maxwell (the snotty drunk teacher): ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ. He can shoot arrows really well. Mummy guy, other director guy, etc.
I wanted all of these characters to die. All of them. I hated all of them. They were actually worse than the Cloverfield hipsters. That says a fuckin lot.
3.) Missing: Gore Gore Splatter Gore
A couple of good gore moments. Sickle through the face. Gunshots to the head are always good. Arrow through the head. Acid through the brain. And that was it?
George, we know you don't fail us with the gore and splatter. It's what we love your movies for. But where was it here? I hate this CGI zombie kill gore. It just doesn't look real. We need Savini (I can't believe I wrote that). We need good ole fashion blood pumps and pig intestines.
That was a monumental failure in this movie. Without gore and splatter and blood, it's not a zombie movie.
Where were the scenes of zombies just munching and lunching? I paid $11 to see that shit.
Finally............
4.) The satire doesn't need to be explained to me through a voiceover
Horror fans are smart. We appreciate satire in our horror.
We got it. We didn't need it explained to us.
Night was about the plight of blacks in America, Dawn was a crack at consumerism, Day was a reflection on the corruption of power and Land was about classism and how through the most dire of circumstances the status quo somehow remains the same.
Diary is of course about how technology and media separate ourselves from reality and the world we live in.
George, we didn't need Debra telling this us in monologue voiceover. We didn't need those scenes explaining to us that he's shooting the film but not taking part in it.
We get it. You kind of made me mad and assumed I wouldn't get it.
But that didn't save the movie.
Only George would do an homage to his own Night of the Living Dead in Diary.
Diary at the end of the day is perceived as a zombie movie with a gimmick. Romero is of course the creator and he can take his zombie-verse anywhere he wants to.
I went to a thrift store a few weeks ago and in their book department was this little book that I figured I could pick up on the cheap. Zombie Movies: The Ultimate Guide by Glenn Kay. I am not familiar with Glenn Kay but I figure he wrote a book so he must have some street cred.
The satire is SMACK in your face. Obviously, Lee is telling us zombies represent any minority in America whose been shunned, downtrodded (is that a word?) and forgotten. All minorities have rights and want to be treated as equal even if your rotting away and have maggot infested wounds. It's different to see this done with the undead and thats why it rocked.
